3 minutes for blogging (and lunch)

I am drowiing here at my desk. I can't walk away--i missed 3 phone capls when I went to the bathroom.
When a boa constrictor eats his dinner, you can see the gazelle in his stomcach--that's what Jimmy John's looks like in my thorat right now.
I had 108 emails and 16 voicemails waiting for me this morning because i was outof the office at an off-site meeting--NOT relaxing. When I got home on Tuesday night my feet were so swollen I could hardly walk.
I'm exhausted and crabby and sad. I'm so frustrated and stressed out that I've been on the verge of tears all day. I have 150 more customers coming in on all different days next week.
AND PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO MAKE COPIES. I don't have time to make copies. I have to make sure that Mr. Yamaguchi has a taxi from the airport on Tuesday at 4:00. And on, and on.
So, no. I haven't bloogged.
I don't even have time for spekk check.
Oh yeah, AND two more admins quit. One of them is leaving TOMORROW.

Thanks, Hannah.

"As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands. Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so i may live."
Psalm 119: 143-144 (NLT)


punk rawk.

I yelled at your mom because I'm NOT crazy!

Tell me your sentences!!

Pick the month you were born:
January------I kicked
February-----I loved
March---------I karate chopped
April-----------I licked
May-----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August-------I had lunch with
September---I danced with
October------I sang to
November----I yelled at
December----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1- ------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15 -------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18---- ---a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll
Pink----------because I'm NOT crazy
Red----------because the voices told me to
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help
Purple--------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange -------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway
Brown--------because I can.
Other---------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can 't control myself

Melinda, I'll Miss you.

OK.
I managed to NOT find out who got kicked off American Idol for a whole week. I plugged my ears when necessary and did NOT peruse Yahoo in an effort to keep myself in the dark. I was waiting for the perfect hour to sit down and watch last Wednesday's AI on Tivo.
Three times, Richard told me he knew who got kicked off, and three times, I covered my ears.
So, last night I laid down on the couch to watch it in preparation for tonight's big finale.
Rich came around the corner and said, "What are you watching?"
I said, "American Idol. I still don't know who got kicked off."
He said, "Oh, it's Melinda."

I know it's probably not very lady-like or mature to lose my temper over a TV show, but I had a hard time keeping my lid on.
I watched it anyway to see if perhaps he was wrong, or pulling my leg.
Alas, Melinda is gone. She was my favorite.

So long, Melinda.
Richard ruined the surprise--
I'm still a big fan.

Shoes Blues

One day last week I wore a fairly casual outfit. Brown slacks and a matching shirt--not quite as dressy as usual for me, but I had a lot of heavy lifting planned for that day. With it, I wore some *new* brown Keds MaryJanes. They are DARLING, and went with my outfit perfectly.
Well...they got a LOOK from our VP.
So, I haven't worn them again. I know they are a little too casual, so I won't push it. But NOW every time I talk to him, he conspicuously checks out my shoes. As if I might be wearing hiking boots or something. It's a little annoying.
Someday, when I'm as famous as Steven King, I'll be able to wear anything I want!

Today is my mom's birthday!
Happy Birthday, Mom!

It's Official. I'm Delirious.

Remember a couple weeks ago when I alluded to a secret project?
The secret is out!
I received an email this morning informing me that one of my articles has been selected to go in a new publication in the twin cities. FOR MONEY. The magazine is called, Shattered Glam, and it's a magazine geared toward young women in this area, living all different kinds of lives.
The original release date was June 22, but it sounds like it will be pushed back to August.
The editor wrote this: "By the way, I really liked your hairdresser piece and I thought Blue Cavalier was hilarious. We are trying to figure out how and when we can fit them in. Same with the marriage piece . We’ll let you know."
I'm not making this up!
Editors rarely, if ever, take the time to compliment an author's work. To be honest, I'm more excited about his compliment than actually getting published!
Titles considered for this blog post:
-"Vindication and Validation"
-"Almost Famous"
-"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
-"I'm in the Money!"
-"They like me! They really like me!"
-"Fin.al.ly"
-"Take THAT, Engl410!"
-"Should I use my maiden name?"
-"What's the best way to alert old boyfriends (in a nonchalant manner, of course)?"
-"You didn't have to like me, but you did! You did!"
-"Some day I'll tell my students (or fans, or minions) about the first time I got published. I'll laugh to myself about how excited I was and tell them how Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Margaret Atwood randomly saw my first article ever published and personally tracked me down to ask if they could work with me, thus jump-starting my career as a writer." (This one was rejected by blogger due to its length.)

Housekeeping

A couple of housekeeping items.

1. There are so many blogs, I can't keep up!

Welcome, Aunt Kris and Hannah! I am trying to add you guys as links, but it's something I'm not very good at. I've also been frequenting Mama Tembo, in addition to my usual addictions--you know who you are.

Now that Aunt Kris has a blog, doesn't everybody think that kathaleend should start one???

2. Big news coming up! (Will blog again today--and that's a promise.)

3. This is my favorite photo from my night out with my sisters at YOUNG FOB! (Hannah, stop judging.)

Intimate and Awkward

I just sewed a button on my boss' shirt cuff while he was wearing it--an incredibly intimate act, if you think about it. I'm hoping he walked away thinking he was lucky to have such a great admin, and hopefully not, "Wow! Erin was really uncomfortable--she blushed the whole time." or even worse, "Sweet! I looked down her shirt the whole time!"

Are you fricking kidding me?

I just worked for an hour putting together a blog about my night last night, and when I hit publish, blogger informed me that it was "unable to process" my request. GONE.
I'll think about re writing it. I'm pretty pissed.

Kicking Myself

I just got busted complaining about a co-worker.
I told her I was sorry.
The fact that what I was saying was true bears absolutely no weight when I get caught being a total ass.
Ugh. I feel awful.

Lord, I have so much
to work on in my dark heart.
Help me hold my tongue.

Mother's Day

When I was in middle school, my mom went to work at Wal-Mart to make ends meet (and in retrospect, probably for a much-needed break from the house). Because money was tight at the time, and because of her discount, most of my school clothes came from Wal-Mart for a while. I, of course, in my pre-pubescent selfishness, could think of nothing more horrifying than wearing Wal-Mart clothes to school. Especially once the other kids found out where my mom worked. The teased me, and I sulked and complained at home.
I can't imagine how much that must have hurt her feelings at the time. I doubt she looked forward to being on her feet for hours on end checking cranky people out at Wal-Mart.
(One plus-side to having mom work was coming home to find Kristi's car parked outside occasionally.)
I think I've come a long way since I was 12 or 13 (or 17 when she was there with encouragement every single day when we started high school in Alabama, or 20 when she worked 3rd shift at Mesaba so I could enjoy flight benefits to go back to Nashville every other week to visit my loser boyfriend) at being thankful and grateful for everything mom's do. I probably won't understand the sacrifices mother's make for their babies until I have one of my own, but I just want to say that I am so thankful, Mom, for everything. A safe home, a listening ear, and an unending, tireless commitment to the three of us.
I love you.

Your Mom

My mom says I have to blog.
[Cue eye-rolling, a la my 13-year-old-self.]

I'm sorry, guys but I don't have much to say, and beLIEVE me, I try all day every day (usually until I fall asleep) to think of new and interesting blog topics. My energy is taken up in other projects right now (Wink, wink to those of you who know. Sorry to the rest of you, you'll have to find out in June. June 22, to be precise, actually. No, I'm not blogging what it is, don't ask. I don't want to jinx it. I shouldn't even be talking about it this much.).

So, here are some other things on my mind.
1. Jenna is coming home on June 18, which also happens to be Richard's birthday! I can't WAIT to see her!
2. The Southwest Salad from McDonald's is pretty good.
3. I went tanning over lunch today, and couldn't relax because I could only think of all the energy I was wasting laying there in that electric bed of death. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll be going back. When did I turn GREEN?? What's next? I'll be voting for Hillary?! A full Democratic turn? Heaven forbid. (Seriously, heaven forbid.)
4. Softball season starts tonight! Come sit with us, "The First Wive's Club," at 6:45 at the Hudson fields. We'll be waiting for you at the top of the bleachers. It's free and it's going to be a beautiful night! Hope to see you there to cheer on Ricky-D, Double-A, Jared, and Nathan (I have yet to come up with obnoxious nick-names for the newbees. Suggestions are welcome.)

Blue Cavalier

Dear Miss Blue Cavalier;
Good morning! Thank you for the wake up honk! I wasn't quite awake yet until you alerted me to your presence in my rear view mirror.
I feel, as a regular traveler on 694, that it is my right--nay--my duty to talk to you about some things.
First of all, if you are riding so close to my rear bumper that I can't see your headlights, you are too close. If I can see that you could stand to put on a few pounds, you are too close. If you are riding so close to me that I can see your roots, I'm going to mess with you.
Please be assured, no amount of swerving, light flashing, gesturing, hand-waving or shouting into my rear-view mirror (I can't hear you, you see), will convince me to let you out of the trap the school bus and I have created. Mr. School Bus and I will ride side by side at 59 miles an hour until you can calm down. I'm not kidding around here.
I'm not going to ask for an apology personally, but I really think you owe it to Mr. School Bus and Mrs. Sable to tell them how sorry you are for the commotion you caused this morning. I know for a fact that Mrs. Sable was very offended by some of your gestures and to be honest, they weren't very lady-like.
I think that until you can relax a little and try to remember that we all have places to be, and that we're all running late too, you should stay off the roads and thnk about what you've done. Also, please try to limit yourself to one Mountain Dew before you get in the car.
Very sincerely yours,
Erin
p.s. The rule "Both hands on the wheel," means, "Keep your hands on the steering wheel, stupid--not on your phone." Who could you possibly be texting at 7:15 in the morning anyway? You're sort of an irritating person all around, aren't you? If you were texting me that early I'd be more than a little annoyed. Also, seriously. Platinum worked for Marilyn. That's it. No one else. I'm just saying.

It is Finished.

Finally! The bathroom is finished, marriage in-tact.
It turned out BEAUTIFULLY! Here are some pics.





Thanks, Naomi, for helping me pick out the shower curtain. I couldn't have done it without you. Really.













I think I need something on the wall...












As you can see here, I was able to incorporate the old blue towels with just a few new green towels, so no one's feelings got hurt.












The vanity has a BOTTOM DRAWER. Pretty cool. (I am SO married--sometimes it surprises me.)

We still have a little work to do, but I'll take what I can get!

FYI

Just as a point of interest, a Tide-to-Go stick does not aid in the removal of chili-cheese burrito.
It doesn't remove anything chili-cheese for that matter.

Good Day / Bad Day

This morning I went to buy my breakfast and my cafeteria friend asked how I was doing.
"I'm ok," I said. "I'm a little cranky, though. I'm not having a good day."
She said, "Oh. I had a good day yesterday, and I'm having a good day today."
Good to know.

Skinny Dippers

About 200 grads caught skinny dipping
MOORHEAD, Minn. - As many as 200 students decided to celebrate graduation at Concordia College by skinny dipping in a murky campus pond early Monday, authorities said.
A security officer tried to shoo the students out of the pond but they wouldn't cooperate, Concordia security chief Sherri Arnold said.
Moorhead police were called after students pushed the security officer's golf cart into the pond.
Police estimated that when they arrived on the scene, about 50-75 students were in various states of undress and fleeing, but no one was naked.
Although no one was arrested, several people could face charges for damage to the cart.
Arnold said 10 people were identified because they left their clothes and wallets behind.
Sunday was graduation day at Concordia.

Bathroom Breakdown

Last night when I sat down in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by green striped bathmats, and towels, and toothbrush holders and began to weep, it occurred to me that perhaps I'm taking the new bathroom a little too seriously (or that it was definitely time for bed).
Then Richard, holding a can of spackle and spackle-spreader-outer in his hands said, "Why don't we get the paint on the walls and then decide what towels and decorations we need?"
A smart man.
Did I see that at the time, though? Nope.
All I could see at the time was, "There are about ten other things you could have said to me to make me feel better." Poor Richard. I would have shaken me if I were him. Or told me to go to bed, which I finally did.
Let's get to the bottom of this, though. Why was I crying?
Earlier in the day Richard had suggested replacing our towels. A normal wife should have said, "Cool! I'm on it!" Not this wife. Nosiree. This wife cried because she felt sorry for getting rid of the old towels. I didn't want to hurt their feelings.