You mean like the coat?

Last night as I was finishing up my workout I asked a meathead (no, seriously) walking in if it was still raining outside.
He said, "Nah, it's just sprinkling. Otherwise I would be trenched."

It took everything in my power not to say, "Oh, would you? You don't seem the type."

Book Review

The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznik

Synopsis: A boy in 1930's Paris lives among the clocks in the train station. He keeps them running and hopes no one will find him. In his spare time he tinkers with mechanical devices and learns about magic tricks and film, all while working on a secret project. Along the way he meets some interesting characters who will shape his future.

Readability: Super quick, but completely enthralling. This is essentially a children's (or juvenile) graphic novel, thought I'm not sure it fits the description perfectly...but who cares. The pictures are FANTASTIC! Anyway, it's a quick read because most of the book is pictures. When I first started reading, I had a hard time letting myself get into the pictures because I'm *such* a grown up, but once you get going, the flow is perfect.

Predictability: Well. I thought I had it all figured out. I kind of knew where we were going, until the last line, which completely floored me. Until I got to the end of the book, I kept thinking, "Ok, this is cute...what's the big deal?" And then I read the last line, which broke my heart open and crawled inside where it will stay forever and ever. It's not often that I love a book like this. Like I'll never forget it.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: I read the whole thing in two hours. So there you have it.
Recommend it?: YES! Go get it right now. It won the Caldecott Medal and was turned into a movie for a reason. (Side note: did you know the movie Hugo was based on this novel? I had no idea until one of my co-workers asked me about it.)

Overall Rating: Five stars. LOVED IT.

Opposites Attract.

Erin: You need to relax. Stop being so Baptist.
Richard: I can't. I can't do it.
E: Think how much easier your life would be if you just let your inner David Lee Roth out.
R: I can't do it.
E: Come on. Just give me a little scream.
R: I can't do it.
E: Just one little scream. HEEEEEY YEAH!
R: I can't do it.
E: So I guess if you were in a band, you'd be the kind of guy who'd be the drummer--not really a "front man" kind of guy?
R: Um...maybe.
E: The bass player?
R: No. Too animated.
E: Backup guitar?
R: Yeah, maybe. I'm not sure, though.
E: Who, then?
R: The bus driver.
E: We are SO different.
R: Uh, YEAH.

Book Review

Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith

Synopsis: In post-WWII Russia, Leo discovers a string of murders, which he is compelled to solve without detection from his military superiors...because "crime doesn't exist" in Communist Russia.

Readability: Aside from the Russian names, it's not as if this one was at all difficult to follow. Much of the book was VERY difficult to read because of some pretty brutal violence. Other than that..the plot twists, the character development, the writing was all along the lines of a Nancy Drew novel.

Predictability: Ugh. I mean, seriously.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Well, here's the rub. The story was compelling enough that I wanted to know if it was going to work out the way I expected it to work out. Guess what: I was right.
Recommend it?: Gee whiz, what do you think? Don't bother. Disappointing at best. The story line was interesting enough. Like, interesting enough to make up a Law & Order episode, but violence for the sake of violence is so. bor. ing. And offensive.

Overall Rating: One star. For the fact that this guy managed to get it published. One star for effort.

Cephas

As we approach Easter, I find myself thinking about Peter and his denial of the Lord.
Luke 22:60-62 says: But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about" And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times" And he went out and wept bitterly.
I'll bet he wept bitterly. Talk about an understatement. Can you imagine the weight carried in that look shared between Peter and Jesus? Poor, poor Peter. How humiliating. How disappointing. How crushing. They were friends, and Jesus even knew Peter would deny him, but Peter didn't believe it. Ye he denied the Lord any way.
Are we really so different?
My favorite thing about this story is the sweet forgiveness Peter receives later in John 21. Some of the disciples are out fishing when they realize Jesus is talking to them from the shore. Peter says, "It is the Lord!" and throws himself in the water to swim to meet Jesus standing on the shore 100 yards away. I love it. I LOVE that part. His denial didn't matter--all that mattered was the resurrected Lord waiting for him on the shore and he could. not. get. there. fast enough.
What kind of private conversation must they have had while they waited for the others to drag the net full of fish to shore? Did Peter beg for forgiveness? Did he throw himeslf at Jesus' feet? Did he embrace his friend? Did they weep? Did they laugh?
What kind of love is this, that Peter can deny the Lord and then be embraced by him as a friend a few days later?
And again, I ask, are we so different?
Will Jesus turn us away if we go running to him? Or will he wait for us--even though we have denied him in the face of his own humiliation?
Jesus said to [Thomas], "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him." (John 14:6-7)
Anyway...all this is to say: I bet Peter really gets down at the Resurrection celebration in heaven.

Hate.

I've been thinking about hate lately. In fact, I asked God to deliver me from hating someone recently. I believe that he has and will, but I also hope I can let it go. So, while I'm thinking about it, I have to ask...
Who do you hate, gentle reader?
Who hates you?
Is there a difference?
(For me, there is no difference.)
Hate can spring up so quickly from something that seems so small...envy, anger, frustration...you name it. Sometimes even the tiniest seed of irritation can grow into a giant cactus in the middle of our flower garden. Nothing pushes me closer to the brink of hatred like unloading the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it. I'm not kidding. Ask me about it--I'll tell you some time.
But here's the thing--and I hope this knocks your socks off, the way it did mine--we don't have the right to hate each other. God doesn't give us that right. The only one with the power to judge is the Lord. Not me. And who am I to hate someone God loves dearly as his own? Can I claim his love--to be loved as his beloved, chosen child while hating someone all the while? Surely hating while being God's beloved are incongruous. 1 John 4:10 says, "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." We are loved. Loved. Loved. The Bible is very clear on this. This is just one example of God's love for us among MANY. If you don't believe me, go to ebible.com and type in the word love.
Anyway, back to hate. Let me lay this one from Exodus 23:4 on ya, "If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying down under its burden, you shall refrain from leaving him with it; you shall rescue it with him."
I believe what the metaphor is pointing at here is the idea that if someone who hates you is burdened or in jeopardy, you shall rescue them. If you are able to help, you may not turn away. In this way, we are bound to those we hate! Imagine that. We are already bound to them in our hearts...carrying around the burden of our hatred, but we are bound by Christ's love to help them.
What does it do to our hearts if we unburden the ones who hate us? Since, really, there is no difference between being hated and hating (at least for me. If you are able to make a distinction, you are a better man or woman than I), if we turn around and help those that we hate, what happens?
Now, I suppose there are circumstances where this won't happen or isn't possible. But I propose that there are situations where it IS possible. Where it can happen.
So, go for it. I encourage you to, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." Luke 6:27-28.
I'm going to give it my honest-to-goodness best shot, and with God's grace maybe I will be able to let go of my hate and become more like him in the process.
Let me know how it works out.

I'll take what I can get.

On Thursday night, we headed to a bar in Minneapolis to celebrate my sister's golden birthday.Upon arrival I handed the bouncer my ID.
Erin: Oh, I should tell you...my driver's license isn't completely accurate.
Bouncer [hesitant look of fear]: What? Why?
E: Well, I weigh less than what it says. I need to get a new one.
B: Really? How much less?
E: One pound.
B: Uh...congratulations?
E: THANK YOU!!!!! That's so nice of you to notice.

One Thousand!

Friends, today is a special day. This marks my 1000th blog post as HaikuLady. Wow. We have come a long way in the last six years! What better way to celebrate this milestone than a Ten on Ten. Enjoy a very busy day in our life!

Before.
Ugh.

After.
Nobody move!

Meal planning and recipe reorganization.
(I know how to have a good time.)

There are only two things I eat ketchup on.
One of them is grilled cheese.

Escapee!

Spring boy!

 

Muddy Buddies...and none too pleased.

What's wrong with this picture?

Waiting for the return of the Man.

Daddy is home!

Confessions of a SAHM

Remember in elementary school when they taught us that if we ripped a library book not to try to fix it ourselves, but to bring it to the librarian because she had "special tools" to fix them?
Guys, that was just Scotch tape.

At any rate, I guess now you know what my special tools for book repair are. Don't tell Ramsey County.

This is real life. (Alternate title: Oh, my God! My God!)

The day before Thanksgiving, a mother and daughter came through my line. I would guess they are around fifty and seventy in age, and it is clear that they are very close and enjoy each other. We got to chatting while I rang up their order and learned a little about each other: we knew some mutual people through our churches and we are all Christians. We had some giggles and sincerely wished each other well.
They came through my line again on Christmas Eve. Same thing--exchanging more pleasantries and learning a little more about each other.
One more time, a few days later, they came through my line again, getting ready for a New Year's Eve party.
And I didn't see them again until tonight.

I was ringing up her groceries, trying to remember how I knew her, when a thought came to my mind: "She comes through with her mother." The thought was barely half-formed when the words came out of my mouth, quiet, but like a trumpet to my own ears, "HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?"
She paused, looked me square in the eye and said, "She died. I knew you were going to ask me about her and I've been dreading it, but I wanted you to know."
I literally did not know what to say. In the interest of the privacy of her pain, I won't go into the details of our conversation, but suffice it to say that there is NOTHING to say when someone is crushed by heartbreak. I hugged her, and sincerely offered anything I could give. We both cried and I didn't want to embarrass her, so I didn't prolong the conversation.
It's been almost twelve hours now, and I still keep trying to think of what I should have said to her. Trying to find the right thing to say...and the only things I can come up with are this:
1. You have been a wonderful daughter. You were a blessing to your mother until the end, and I know she loved you very much.
2. It doesn't help with the pain, but what a sweet promise we have in Jesus. Without his blood, there would be no hope. And even though the hope doesn't take away what you're feeling right now, it offers us comfort that many people don't have. Salvation is the only deliverance.

I don't even know her name.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas from The House of Des!

We hope the holiday season finds you healthy, wealthy and warm!

It was a brown Christmas here in Chilly-Minne. Not that anybody noticed...all we could see for miles and miles was Cars. Cars, Cars 2, Mater's Tall Tales, Lightning McQueen shoes, Lightning McQueen pajamas, Tow Mater matchbox cars and Cars Playdoh.

Richard decided not to buy Vikings season tickets this year, after Brett Favre (verily, verily) retired and he grieved not being at the Metrodome on Sunday afternoons...until we realized we would just be grieving if we were there, anyway, what with their dismal season and all... He has since turned his attention to Tim Tebow and enjoys tuning into a Packer game every now and then. He tore down and rebuilt our deck this summer and helped me plant a beautiful vegetable garden. Never have there been more cucumbers or tomatoes for one small family. Rich enjoys playing pick-up hockey on a fairly regular basis works hard from his office in our basement.

Erin has discovered the joy of Zumba and has lost over fifteen pounds since September. Now that the children are no longer hanging from her body (literally), she has rediscovered the joy of reading, writing and the occasional alcoholic beverage. She turned the Big Three-Oh this year and has grown leaps and bounds in the arena of "not caring what you think about her." She thinks this comes with age. In 2011, she had the opportunity to emcee two events at her church and longs for more opportunities to hold a microphone in front of large groups of people! (The POWER! Oh, the POWER!) She maintains her status as Media Maven (self-titled) and makes people laugh on a regular basis on Facebook (or so she is told).

Shirley Jean started preschool this year and loves every. single. minute. Shirley's vocabulary has grown exponentially in the last year and she has not stopped talking in approximately seven hundred years. She loves "danleen" dance class, Mater, princesses and her favorite color is purple. Her best friends are her Dad, her "buddyPedro," and Button, who we think is a horse. She is starting to listen and pay attention when we talk about God and Jesus, and loves praying for her family and friends.

BabyRichard (which is what we all call him...we did NOT think this through) is a healthy, happy, hungry boy. He is also very vocal. And by vocal I mean, he is VERY LOUD! He wakes up very slow in the morning and by the time he is cheerful, it's time for naps! He is a lot like his mama in this way... He is starting to talk more and more every day and is growing by inches daily. (I swear!) He has grown a very nice mullet that I just can't bear to cut off quite yet. He will just have to have "hockey hair" for a little while longer.

Pedro turned six this year and grows more neurotic by the minute. Kitty is between eight and ten years old and grows less interested in humans every day. We figure our mammal pets have approximately ten years left with our family. But who's counting?

It was a tough year for fish in The House of Des. Our beloved Fishmael died after living in our care for nine months. We replaced him with Nemo, Pinta and Santa Maria, who all died within twelve hours of coming to live with us. We replaced them with Boring, Stirling and Ming. Only Stirling and Ming remain. I maintain my innocence. Their deaths are not on my hands, but on the City of Roseville. May they rest in peace.

And that about brings 2011 to a close for us. We hope the Christmas season and the New Year bring you much joy and contentment in the Lord--who is real and alive!

Blessings to you all from our house to yours!

The Christmas Card We Didn't Send

Nice one.

Today for our Advent gift, I got Shirley and Richard cat chase toys that have a fish attached to a string, which is attached to a pole. They look an awful lot like fishing poles and my children were thrilled.
They also look an awful lot like a torture device after an hour or so of having them whipped around the living room.
Good thinking, Mommy.

Santa and Jesus

Erin: It's fun to talk about Santa, isn't it?
Shirley: YEAH!
E: Does Santa bring toys to good or bad children?
SJ: Only GOOD kids.
E: What happens if you are naughty?
SJ: [silence.]
E: Do naughty kids get toys?
SJ: Nooooo.
E: You know what's special about Jesus?
SJ: He's REAL!
E: Yeah! He's real! And you know what else? You don't have to be good to receive his gifts! Jesus gives his gift to anyone who wants it.
SJ: Ok, Mom.

-a few minutes later-

SJ: Mom? What about reindeer?

Advent Calendar

After perusing some friend's blogs and thinking about it, I decided to create an Advent Garland for our children. I set out to put it together the other night. I prayed that through this fun experience, my children would learn something about Jesus.



I picked up treat bags, tissue paper, a package of cardboard gift tags and some pretty ribbon.
I also picked out some chocolatey treats and a couple $1 gifts.

  

I picked out a font that I liked on my computer and typed out the numbers 1-24, so I would have something to draw from while I numbered the tags.



There were enough tags left over that I could re-make the ones I didn't like. You can see my "boo-boos" on the top right.

 

Treat bag #1 has peppermint kisses inside!



It occurred to me about half way through to put one member of our manger scene in each bag. Shirley LOVES opening up a bag to see who is inside. She knew right away that they were coming to see Jesus! Of course, baby Jesus is in the last bag. :)

The final product isn't quite as cute as I had hoped, but it isn't hanging quite right because the last ten (or so) bags don't have treats in them yet.

 

This is what it looks like this morning.


So far, the garland is a huge hit. Shirley loves it, and Richard loves anything his sister loves. As a side note, next year, I might not put so much chocolate in the bags...or set a precident of opening the bags after or before dinner, otherwise your morning starts out with kids all hopped up on chocolate. I thought about putting something else in there, but putting Cheerios in Advent bags just seems a little anti-climactic.
Also, waiting until tomorrow to open another bag is basically torture for my three-year-old. I knew it would be, so I'm glad I hung the garland WAY out of anyone's reach.
More than anything, this garland gives us a way to talk about Christmas and what it means. So far, so good!

I guess I should have seen that coming.

Note to self: HIDE THE MARKER!

Think he'll get the point?

 

Bleck

I started a load of laundry last night before bed. I went down this morning to switch it to the dryer to find it standing open and full of water.
At least we know it doesn't leak.
Gross.

Glory

For the past four years I have either been pregnant or nursing, so when I caught a cold, I had limited options for drugs. I'm still having a hard time getting used to the idea that I can buy cold medicine--and take it. To feel better.
Imagine.
So, tonight for the first time in over four years I bought and consumed DayQuil.
Oh my stars--it's glorious! Who knew (remembered) this stuff worked so great?!
Tonight, I opted to only take half a dose of NyQuil so that I won't be too groggy when the kids wake up in the morning. They don't care if I'm sick! They still wake up at the same time.
I just can't remember: am I allowed to take NyQuil with a glass of wine? Seems like that might be dangerou...z.zzzzzzz.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The GQ Shopper

Your super cool, stylish, uber-metro image goes right out the window when you pull out your royal blue velcro wallet to pay for your Axe deoderant body spray, deli sushi and your Diet Rite (white grape).