Every once in a while I come across a blog entirely devoted to chocolate, or I see a comment about chocolate, or someone implies that chocolate will make everything all better.
I admit, friends and brethren, that I do not share the sentiment. If ever confronted with the choice between anything chocolate or something salty, every time I'm gonna go for the salt snack. Truth be told, even sardines make my mouth water more than a bag of M&M's or a chunk of chocolate. Olives? Yep. Pickles? Capers? Honestly. Just about anything salty interests me.
Now, while I have blogged my fair share about DOVE Promises, I find it necessary to point out that I really only blog about the Promises. The only time I lauded the glories of that cocoa plant, I admit, friends and brethren, I might have been exaggerating a little bit about my love of Caramel Doves. Plus, it was the caramel I loved, not the chocolate.
So sue me.
I know it has its benefits and good traits, but I guess I just don't groove that way.
I can't be the only one...am I the only one?
In reviewing my old posts about Dove Promises, I was reminded of a simpler time--a time that we made them up. Let's make up some more!
These are things I'd like to see in my dove. Or better yet! On the side of a dill pickle!!
- Did you remember to take your vitamins?
- Nice to see you again.
- Recycling is so uncool.
- Published? I heard whisperings of movie-rights.
- You did the right thing not going to graduate school.
- Your dog is quietly eating a bone in your backyard right now.
- Your career is about to take off. Really.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Dictionary
Earlier today I had my dictionary out to look up "saccharine."
One of the girls I work with came up behind me and said, "What are you doing?"
"Nothin'," I said. "Just reading the dictionary. For fun."
She laughed as if I had said something funny.
One of the girls I work with came up behind me and said, "What are you doing?"
"Nothin'," I said. "Just reading the dictionary. For fun."
She laughed as if I had said something funny.
Cur of my Heart
Dear Neighbors, Children on Bikes, Couples Walking Dogs, City Employees, and Bunny Rabbits;
My dog hates you.
Or better yet, he loves to hate you.
I am writing to implore you to please, P.L.E.A.S.E. stop walking by our house. Yes, I know our entire backyard faces the street. Yes, I know our home sits wrong on the lot. I know you think you have every right to use the street as you wish.
This is why I come to you on my knees. Please use a different street. Ofxord is very nice. So is Lakeview. Bigger houses, less traffic. Fewer dogs to bark and bark and bark and bark at you as you walk or ride by, or come home in the middle of the night, or leave for work early in the morning, or cut down trees, or eat my tulips.
I'm asking you to make one little allowance for me--for my sanity.
I am aware that at this point, that you probably hate me just as much as Pedro hates you, but believe me. I've tried. I can't make him stop barking. He is absolutely SILENT in the house but as soon as he gets out the door it's like he turns into a different dog. A territorial obnoxious beast. A miserable cur. The swollen tonsil of my tranquility. A lump on the breast of my happiness.
We could keep him in the house more, you're right. But then he barfs on the floor, or "piddles" in the corner, or attacks the cat. You understand, don't you, that he needs to spend quality time outside every day?
So, please, dear friends and bunny rabbits. Please. just. go. a. way.
We'll all be a lot happier if there is just less, overall, to bark at.
Don't you agree?
I appreciate your time and consideration on this matter.
Sincerely,
Erin
p.s. Whoever keeps throwing him whole bratwursts over the fence, please stop. It's not funny anymore.
My dog hates you.
Or better yet, he loves to hate you.
I am writing to implore you to please, P.L.E.A.S.E. stop walking by our house. Yes, I know our entire backyard faces the street. Yes, I know our home sits wrong on the lot. I know you think you have every right to use the street as you wish.
This is why I come to you on my knees. Please use a different street. Ofxord is very nice. So is Lakeview. Bigger houses, less traffic. Fewer dogs to bark and bark and bark and bark at you as you walk or ride by, or come home in the middle of the night, or leave for work early in the morning, or cut down trees, or eat my tulips.
I'm asking you to make one little allowance for me--for my sanity.
I am aware that at this point, that you probably hate me just as much as Pedro hates you, but believe me. I've tried. I can't make him stop barking. He is absolutely SILENT in the house but as soon as he gets out the door it's like he turns into a different dog. A territorial obnoxious beast. A miserable cur. The swollen tonsil of my tranquility. A lump on the breast of my happiness.
We could keep him in the house more, you're right. But then he barfs on the floor, or "piddles" in the corner, or attacks the cat. You understand, don't you, that he needs to spend quality time outside every day?
So, please, dear friends and bunny rabbits. Please. just. go. a. way.
We'll all be a lot happier if there is just less, overall, to bark at.
Don't you agree?
I appreciate your time and consideration on this matter.
Sincerely,
Erin
p.s. Whoever keeps throwing him whole bratwursts over the fence, please stop. It's not funny anymore.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Double-Mint Twins
There is a girl in the office who has the same shirt as me. It's been a running joke for a while now that eventually we're going to wear it on the same day and that would be SO embarrassing.
I'm not sure if she is actually embarrassed or not. Personally, I find it hilarious. I mean, it's not like we're wearing the same prom dress. Now THAT would be embarrassing.
I'm not sure if she is actually embarrassed or not. Personally, I find it hilarious. I mean, it's not like we're wearing the same prom dress. Now THAT would be embarrassing.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
A two-fer!
Today is a two-fer because two things happen that make me happy.
1. It's the first day of summer. Yay!
2. It's Aunt Kris' Birthday!!
Happy Birthday, Aunt Kris!!
What did you decide to do with that birthday money??
Love you!!
1. It's the first day of summer. Yay!
2. It's Aunt Kris' Birthday!!
Happy Birthday, Aunt Kris!!
What did you decide to do with that birthday money??
Love you!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Interview Update
I'm at a loss.
I think it went well. It didn't go...badly...
It was very strange. She didn't ask me a single question. Not one. But I was there for an hour. She went line by line through my resume and then through the job description. We came to the conclusion that I would be good for the job and then I went back to my office.
Weird, right? I'm still really hoping for the job and she said I would hear from her by the end of next week...
Ah, well. I'm God's child and He will take care of me, right?
Right!
I think it went well. It didn't go...badly...
It was very strange. She didn't ask me a single question. Not one. But I was there for an hour. She went line by line through my resume and then through the job description. We came to the conclusion that I would be good for the job and then I went back to my office.
Weird, right? I'm still really hoping for the job and she said I would hear from her by the end of next week...
Ah, well. I'm God's child and He will take care of me, right?
Right!
UPDATED: Dear Aunt Kris, I'm sorry!
I'm deleting this post because I actually feel really bad for ruining the ending of the book. I hope no one read my blog.
Kandi, read it anyway.
Kris, don't tell Tosca.
Everyone, read Demon: A Memoir by Tosca Lee.
I'm still a little torn on the ending.
The book did make me look at the crucifixion of Christ in a new way, and I didn't want to put it down, but found that I had to take frequent breaks.
Kandi, read it anyway.
Kris, don't tell Tosca.
Everyone, read Demon: A Memoir by Tosca Lee.
I'm still a little torn on the ending.
The book did make me look at the crucifixion of Christ in a new way, and I didn't want to put it down, but found that I had to take frequent breaks.
That's My Sister--Part 906
I think I've created about 906 blogs entitled, "That's My Sister," but I think you should all know that Mandi fin.al.ly started a blog!!
Checkitout!
Checkitout!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Happy Birthday, Richard!
My man is getting old! He turns a whopping 28 today...do you know how close that is to 30?
Last night as we laid down to go to bed, I realized that I would miss much of Richard's birthday because of a customer function tonight at work. When I told him so, he said, "Ugh. This is just like Cats in the Cradle."
You know that sound when the needle drags across a record and everything goes silent? That's what I heard at that moment.
"What?" I said.
He said, "You know...you're like the dad in the song always working late and missing the kid's birthday."
Now, call me crazy, but I don't remember that being a part of the song...I guess I could be wrong.
Anyway,
Happy Birthday, Richard!
I love you!
Last night as we laid down to go to bed, I realized that I would miss much of Richard's birthday because of a customer function tonight at work. When I told him so, he said, "Ugh. This is just like Cats in the Cradle."
You know that sound when the needle drags across a record and everything goes silent? That's what I heard at that moment.
"What?" I said.
He said, "You know...you're like the dad in the song always working late and missing the kid's birthday."
Now, call me crazy, but I don't remember that being a part of the song...I guess I could be wrong.
Anyway,
Happy Birthday, Richard!
I love you!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Help Control the Pet Population
Today was Bob Barker's last episode of The Price is Right.
I feel a little sad about this. Like when Mr. Rogers died.
I feel a little sad about this. Like when Mr. Rogers died.
Late Laugher
Those of you who have ever been to a movie probably already know this about me because I probably embarassed you with it.
I, blogfriends, am a late-laugher.
This mortified my husband when we first started dating. He took me to see Jacka$$ on one of our first dates (a savory and oh-so-romantic way to spend our first hours together, I know), and through the entire movie, I laughed 10 to 30 seconds after everyone else. He was so embarassed that I remember him patting my arm nervously as if to say, "Shhh..."
I can't explain it. For some reason I like to think about a stunt, punchline, or facial expression before I laugh about it. It's like I'm unconsciously deciding if I am going to laugh or not.
I did this in a group setting recently. Someone said something funny, everyone laughed...and then I laughed. The whole group turned to look at me to see what was so hilarious. I think they still probably don't know that I was laughing at the same thing they had already forgotten about.
Oh well.
I, blogfriends, am a late-laugher.
This mortified my husband when we first started dating. He took me to see Jacka$$ on one of our first dates (a savory and oh-so-romantic way to spend our first hours together, I know), and through the entire movie, I laughed 10 to 30 seconds after everyone else. He was so embarassed that I remember him patting my arm nervously as if to say, "Shhh..."
I can't explain it. For some reason I like to think about a stunt, punchline, or facial expression before I laugh about it. It's like I'm unconsciously deciding if I am going to laugh or not.
I did this in a group setting recently. Someone said something funny, everyone laughed...and then I laughed. The whole group turned to look at me to see what was so hilarious. I think they still probably don't know that I was laughing at the same thing they had already forgotten about.
Oh well.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind...
By 5:00pm on Wednesday, I was exhausted, cranky, and had exceptionally blistered feet (still do, come to think of it).
So you can probably imagine how I felt when I escorted my group of 28 customers out the front door of our building to find that the van I ordered to transport said customers back to the hotel was NOT THERE.
I sprinted a quarter of a mile back to my desk to call the transportation department to inquire of the whereabouts of the van and got a 17-year-old desk attendant. "Uh, SOR-ry," he said. "It's on it's way."
So, I sprinted back down to where my guests were still waiting for the still-missing van.
I stepped to the center of their group, hoping their inquiring eyes would not notice how out of breath I was, or how nervous and upset I was, or how near I was getting to my melt-down point. I said, "Everyone, I'm really sorry! I don't know why the van is late, but I know it's on its way. This won't happen again, I'm very sorry..." I was about to say how thankful I was for nice weather, when suddenly, a HUGE gust of wind came out of nowhere and blew my skirt up around my armpits.
No one said a word.
The gentlemen looked away politely, and one young woman in the back of the group said, "Oh, girl. I've been there."
I think the gust of wind must have carried the van around the corner, because it finally arrived then, and I put everyone on, saying, "I'll see you at dinner!"
Then I tucked my skirt between my legs and ran for cover.
So you can probably imagine how I felt when I escorted my group of 28 customers out the front door of our building to find that the van I ordered to transport said customers back to the hotel was NOT THERE.
I sprinted a quarter of a mile back to my desk to call the transportation department to inquire of the whereabouts of the van and got a 17-year-old desk attendant. "Uh, SOR-ry," he said. "It's on it's way."
So, I sprinted back down to where my guests were still waiting for the still-missing van.
I stepped to the center of their group, hoping their inquiring eyes would not notice how out of breath I was, or how nervous and upset I was, or how near I was getting to my melt-down point. I said, "Everyone, I'm really sorry! I don't know why the van is late, but I know it's on its way. This won't happen again, I'm very sorry..." I was about to say how thankful I was for nice weather, when suddenly, a HUGE gust of wind came out of nowhere and blew my skirt up around my armpits.
No one said a word.
The gentlemen looked away politely, and one young woman in the back of the group said, "Oh, girl. I've been there."
I think the gust of wind must have carried the van around the corner, because it finally arrived then, and I put everyone on, saying, "I'll see you at dinner!"
Then I tucked my skirt between my legs and ran for cover.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Redneck Margaritas*
Two cans of limeade,
two beers; tequila to taste.
See you on Monday.
*A first for me--recipe haiku.
two beers; tequila to taste.
See you on Monday.
*A first for me--recipe haiku.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
God as Father
What the hell does that mean?
I've been confronted with this question a multitude of times over the past month in several completely unrelated situations. The truth is, I don't think I've ever seen God as my father. Provider and miracle-worker, sure. Protector? Sure. But what does it mean to have a perfect Father?
Here's what I know:
1. We tend to think of God as similar to the earthly father we have, and assign the same qualities to God that our earthly fathers possess. (That doesn't mean we all do, but I believe it is a natural tendency.)
2. God sees me as his darling child. (This is what I've been taught. I can't say I've ever been convicted of it--yet. Or if I have, it's been a long time.)
3. God had a plan for me and my life.
4. Whether I want to or not, I systematically (like the tides and the moon) ebb away from my closeness with Him, and then am drawn back, completely unknowingly and completely without my making a single educated decision. It's so easy to look back and see God calling to me, beckoning me to follow him...through high school, to college, Scotland, and in to my marriage. Why would I doubt? I'm nothing but a blind, dumb idiot stumbling through darkness following the vibration of sound on the ground.
5. I should seek him with the faith of a child.
But why? And how?
I'm not questioning my Christianity, but this past year or so has really been a struggle for me to see myself as God sees me. Actually, it's been almost two years now that I think about it. Two years in August, in fact, and I'm sorry to say that I don't feel any closer to seeing myself in God's light than I did two years ago. This struggle combined with some unsavory personality characteristics I tend to harbor in my sinful heart and a couple of other obstacles have sent me reeling lately.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "...just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will..."
I understand that I've been adopted into the family by accepting Jesus Christ as my savior, but what then? I know I am a child of God, but how do I see it for myself?
I'm learning that we are all called [predestined, thanks, Paul] to be God's children and the only free will we really have is to choose not to obey his call.
So, how do I start to really see myself as His child? I know I belong to Him, but how do I start to see Him as my Father?
I'm not really looking for an answer, just thinking about some things.
I've been confronted with this question a multitude of times over the past month in several completely unrelated situations. The truth is, I don't think I've ever seen God as my father. Provider and miracle-worker, sure. Protector? Sure. But what does it mean to have a perfect Father?
Here's what I know:
1. We tend to think of God as similar to the earthly father we have, and assign the same qualities to God that our earthly fathers possess. (That doesn't mean we all do, but I believe it is a natural tendency.)
2. God sees me as his darling child. (This is what I've been taught. I can't say I've ever been convicted of it--yet. Or if I have, it's been a long time.)
3. God had a plan for me and my life.
4. Whether I want to or not, I systematically (like the tides and the moon) ebb away from my closeness with Him, and then am drawn back, completely unknowingly and completely without my making a single educated decision. It's so easy to look back and see God calling to me, beckoning me to follow him...through high school, to college, Scotland, and in to my marriage. Why would I doubt? I'm nothing but a blind, dumb idiot stumbling through darkness following the vibration of sound on the ground.
5. I should seek him with the faith of a child.
But why? And how?
I'm not questioning my Christianity, but this past year or so has really been a struggle for me to see myself as God sees me. Actually, it's been almost two years now that I think about it. Two years in August, in fact, and I'm sorry to say that I don't feel any closer to seeing myself in God's light than I did two years ago. This struggle combined with some unsavory personality characteristics I tend to harbor in my sinful heart and a couple of other obstacles have sent me reeling lately.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "...just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will..."
I understand that I've been adopted into the family by accepting Jesus Christ as my savior, but what then? I know I am a child of God, but how do I see it for myself?
I'm learning that we are all called [predestined, thanks, Paul] to be God's children and the only free will we really have is to choose not to obey his call.
So, how do I start to really see myself as His child? I know I belong to Him, but how do I start to see Him as my Father?
I'm not really looking for an answer, just thinking about some things.
Ain't that always the way?
Before bed last night, Rich and I prayed over something that, at the time, didn't seem like a very big deal.
As soon as our prayer was finished, however, we got into one of the dumbest fights I think we've ever had in our marriage.
Now that I'm fully awake and thinking about it, I think the guidance we were asking God for was probably more threatening to the enemy than I originally thought. Hence, the stupid fight. Seems like every time we go to God with something, Satan tries even harder to come between us, using anything he can get his hands on, that might be a weakness in our relationship. Sneaky, sneaky.
The weirdest part? Neither of us would back down, though we both agreed it was not really worth fighting about.
The worst part? I'm still a little miffed, despite the fact that I've figured all these things out!
As soon as our prayer was finished, however, we got into one of the dumbest fights I think we've ever had in our marriage.
Now that I'm fully awake and thinking about it, I think the guidance we were asking God for was probably more threatening to the enemy than I originally thought. Hence, the stupid fight. Seems like every time we go to God with something, Satan tries even harder to come between us, using anything he can get his hands on, that might be a weakness in our relationship. Sneaky, sneaky.
The weirdest part? Neither of us would back down, though we both agreed it was not really worth fighting about.
The worst part? I'm still a little miffed, despite the fact that I've figured all these things out!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Graduation!
As some of you may know, Mandi graduated from Stillwater Area High School on Saturday. It was a very emotional day for me because I couldn't be more proud of her and I can't wait to see where God takes her in the future.
Here are some fun photos from the weekend.
This is the quilt I made for Mandi. Didn't it turn out AWESOME??
I wish I knew what made us both laugh in this photo.
Here are some fun photos from the weekend.
This is the quilt I made for Mandi. Didn't it turn out AWESOME??
I wish I knew what made us both laugh in this photo.
Monday, June 04, 2007
A Year in Haiku
Saturday was my
blog's first birthday, same day as
my boss' birthday.
How ironic that
a year ago I started
blogging on June two.
I didn't even
work for him yet at that time--
a year full of change.
Now I'm thinking of
where my career might go next.
Options are plenty.
Found one that looks good,
revamping my resume
wish me luck, dear friends!
Today's a big day
many customers in town
to listen: sales pitch!
Dropped a hundred bucks
on a new dress for the day
and it has a hole!
Stitched it up at my
desk; thank goodness for learning
the whip stitch this year.
There's lots more to say,
it's a year later; seems I've
got haiku to spare.
A year in haiku:
Mandi has graduated,
I'm so proud of her!
I'm getting published!
I still can't believe it. I'll
sign all your copies.
Richard has straight A's
I couldn't be more proud, babe.
He's doing so great!
Naomi's Prego [with meat],
can't wait for Little Precious
to arrive this fall.
Sorenson's sold their
house after thirty-plus hard,
grueling showings. Yeah!
Cara's selling rings,
and necklaces and earrings;
still crackin' folks' backs.
Jenna's coming home--
I can't wait to have her back,
even for a bit.
That's a year formed in
lovely phrasing called haiku
cuz I'm a master.
Thanks for making this
haiku lady such a hit,
I love you, blog friends!
blog's first birthday, same day as
my boss' birthday.
How ironic that
a year ago I started
blogging on June two.
I didn't even
work for him yet at that time--
a year full of change.
Now I'm thinking of
where my career might go next.
Options are plenty.
Found one that looks good,
revamping my resume
wish me luck, dear friends!
Today's a big day
many customers in town
to listen: sales pitch!
Dropped a hundred bucks
on a new dress for the day
and it has a hole!
Stitched it up at my
desk; thank goodness for learning
the whip stitch this year.
There's lots more to say,
it's a year later; seems I've
got haiku to spare.
A year in haiku:
Mandi has graduated,
I'm so proud of her!
I'm getting published!
I still can't believe it. I'll
sign all your copies.
Richard has straight A's
I couldn't be more proud, babe.
He's doing so great!
Naomi's Prego [with meat],
can't wait for Little Precious
to arrive this fall.
Sorenson's sold their
house after thirty-plus hard,
grueling showings. Yeah!
Cara's selling rings,
and necklaces and earrings;
still crackin' folks' backs.
Jenna's coming home--
I can't wait to have her back,
even for a bit.
That's a year formed in
lovely phrasing called haiku
cuz I'm a master.
Thanks for making this
haiku lady such a hit,
I love you, blog friends!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
3 minutes for blogging (and lunch)
I am drowiing here at my desk. I can't walk away--i missed 3 phone capls when I went to the bathroom.
When a boa constrictor eats his dinner, you can see the gazelle in his stomcach--that's what Jimmy John's looks like in my thorat right now.
I had 108 emails and 16 voicemails waiting for me this morning because i was outof the office at an off-site meeting--NOT relaxing. When I got home on Tuesday night my feet were so swollen I could hardly walk.
I'm exhausted and crabby and sad. I'm so frustrated and stressed out that I've been on the verge of tears all day. I have 150 more customers coming in on all different days next week.
AND PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO MAKE COPIES. I don't have time to make copies. I have to make sure that Mr. Yamaguchi has a taxi from the airport on Tuesday at 4:00. And on, and on.
So, no. I haven't bloogged.
I don't even have time for spekk check.
Oh yeah, AND two more admins quit. One of them is leaving TOMORROW.
When a boa constrictor eats his dinner, you can see the gazelle in his stomcach--that's what Jimmy John's looks like in my thorat right now.
I had 108 emails and 16 voicemails waiting for me this morning because i was outof the office at an off-site meeting--NOT relaxing. When I got home on Tuesday night my feet were so swollen I could hardly walk.
I'm exhausted and crabby and sad. I'm so frustrated and stressed out that I've been on the verge of tears all day. I have 150 more customers coming in on all different days next week.
AND PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO MAKE COPIES. I don't have time to make copies. I have to make sure that Mr. Yamaguchi has a taxi from the airport on Tuesday at 4:00. And on, and on.
So, no. I haven't bloogged.
I don't even have time for spekk check.
Oh yeah, AND two more admins quit. One of them is leaving TOMORROW.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thanks, Hannah.
"As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands. Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so i may live."
Psalm 119: 143-144 (NLT)
punk rawk.
Psalm 119: 143-144 (NLT)
punk rawk.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I yelled at your mom because I'm NOT crazy!
Tell me your sentences!!
Pick the month you were born:
January------I kicked
February-----I loved
March---------I karate chopped
April-----------I licked
May-----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August-------I had lunch with
September---I danced with
October------I sang to
November----I yelled at
December----I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1- ------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15 -------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18---- ---a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll
Pink----------because I'm NOT crazy
Red----------because the voices told me to
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help
Purple--------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange -------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway
Brown--------because I can.
Other---------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can 't control myself
Pick the month you were born:
January------I kicked
February-----I loved
March---------I karate chopped
April-----------I licked
May-----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August-------I had lunch with
September---I danced with
October------I sang to
November----I yelled at
December----I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1- ------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15 -------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18---- ---a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll
Pink----------because I'm NOT crazy
Red----------because the voices told me to
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help
Purple--------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange -------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway
Brown--------because I can.
Other---------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can 't control myself
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Melinda, I'll Miss you.
OK.
I managed to NOT find out who got kicked off American Idol for a whole week. I plugged my ears when necessary and did NOT peruse Yahoo in an effort to keep myself in the dark. I was waiting for the perfect hour to sit down and watch last Wednesday's AI on Tivo.
Three times, Richard told me he knew who got kicked off, and three times, I covered my ears.
So, last night I laid down on the couch to watch it in preparation for tonight's big finale.
Rich came around the corner and said, "What are you watching?"
I said, "American Idol. I still don't know who got kicked off."
He said, "Oh, it's Melinda."
I know it's probably not very lady-like or mature to lose my temper over a TV show, but I had a hard time keeping my lid on.
I watched it anyway to see if perhaps he was wrong, or pulling my leg.
Alas, Melinda is gone. She was my favorite.
So long, Melinda.
Richard ruined the surprise--
I'm still a big fan.
I managed to NOT find out who got kicked off American Idol for a whole week. I plugged my ears when necessary and did NOT peruse Yahoo in an effort to keep myself in the dark. I was waiting for the perfect hour to sit down and watch last Wednesday's AI on Tivo.
Three times, Richard told me he knew who got kicked off, and three times, I covered my ears.
So, last night I laid down on the couch to watch it in preparation for tonight's big finale.
Rich came around the corner and said, "What are you watching?"
I said, "American Idol. I still don't know who got kicked off."
He said, "Oh, it's Melinda."
I know it's probably not very lady-like or mature to lose my temper over a TV show, but I had a hard time keeping my lid on.
I watched it anyway to see if perhaps he was wrong, or pulling my leg.
Alas, Melinda is gone. She was my favorite.
So long, Melinda.
Richard ruined the surprise--
I'm still a big fan.
Shoes Blues
One day last week I wore a fairly casual outfit. Brown slacks and a matching shirt--not quite as dressy as usual for me, but I had a lot of heavy lifting planned for that day. With it, I wore some *new* brown Keds MaryJanes. They are DARLING, and went with my outfit perfectly.
Well...they got a LOOK from our VP.
So, I haven't worn them again. I know they are a little too casual, so I won't push it. But NOW every time I talk to him, he conspicuously checks out my shoes. As if I might be wearing hiking boots or something. It's a little annoying.
Someday, when I'm as famous as Steven King, I'll be able to wear anything I want!
Today is my mom's birthday!
Happy Birthday, Mom!
Well...they got a LOOK from our VP.
So, I haven't worn them again. I know they are a little too casual, so I won't push it. But NOW every time I talk to him, he conspicuously checks out my shoes. As if I might be wearing hiking boots or something. It's a little annoying.
Someday, when I'm as famous as Steven King, I'll be able to wear anything I want!
Today is my mom's birthday!
Happy Birthday, Mom!
Monday, May 21, 2007
It's Official. I'm Delirious.
Remember a couple weeks ago when I alluded to a secret project?
The secret is out!
I received an email this morning informing me that one of my articles has been selected to go in a new publication in the twin cities. FOR MONEY. The magazine is called, Shattered Glam, and it's a magazine geared toward young women in this area, living all different kinds of lives.
The original release date was June 22, but it sounds like it will be pushed back to August.
The editor wrote this: "By the way, I really liked your hairdresser piece and I thought Blue Cavalier was hilarious. We are trying to figure out how and when we can fit them in. Same with the marriage piece . We’ll let you know."
I'm not making this up!
Editors rarely, if ever, take the time to compliment an author's work. To be honest, I'm more excited about his compliment than actually getting published!
Titles considered for this blog post:
-"Vindication and Validation"
-"Almost Famous"
-"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
-"I'm in the Money!"
-"They like me! They really like me!"
-"Fin.al.ly"
-"Take THAT, Engl410!"
-"Should I use my maiden name?"
-"What's the best way to alert old boyfriends (in a nonchalant manner, of course)?"
-"You didn't have to like me, but you did! You did!"
-"Some day I'll tell my students (or fans, or minions) about the first time I got published. I'll laugh to myself about how excited I was and tell them how Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Margaret Atwood randomly saw my first article ever published and personally tracked me down to ask if they could work with me, thus jump-starting my career as a writer." (This one was rejected by blogger due to its length.)
The secret is out!
I received an email this morning informing me that one of my articles has been selected to go in a new publication in the twin cities. FOR MONEY. The magazine is called, Shattered Glam, and it's a magazine geared toward young women in this area, living all different kinds of lives.
The original release date was June 22, but it sounds like it will be pushed back to August.
The editor wrote this: "By the way, I really liked your hairdresser piece and I thought Blue Cavalier was hilarious. We are trying to figure out how and when we can fit them in. Same with the marriage piece . We’ll let you know."
I'm not making this up!
Editors rarely, if ever, take the time to compliment an author's work. To be honest, I'm more excited about his compliment than actually getting published!
Titles considered for this blog post:
-"Vindication and Validation"
-"Almost Famous"
-"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"
-"I'm in the Money!"
-"They like me! They really like me!"
-"Fin.al.ly"
-"Take THAT, Engl410!"
-"Should I use my maiden name?"
-"What's the best way to alert old boyfriends (in a nonchalant manner, of course)?"
-"You didn't have to like me, but you did! You did!"
-"Some day I'll tell my students (or fans, or minions) about the first time I got published. I'll laugh to myself about how excited I was and tell them how Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Margaret Atwood randomly saw my first article ever published and personally tracked me down to ask if they could work with me, thus jump-starting my career as a writer." (This one was rejected by blogger due to its length.)
Housekeeping
A couple of housekeeping items.
1. There are so many blogs, I can't keep up!
Welcome, Aunt Kris and Hannah! I am trying to add you guys as links, but it's something I'm not very good at. I've also been frequenting Mama Tembo, in addition to my usual addictions--you know who you are.
Now that Aunt Kris has a blog, doesn't everybody think that kathaleend should start one???
2. Big news coming up! (Will blog again today--and that's a promise.)
3. This is my favorite photo from my night out with my sisters at YOUNG FOB! (Hannah, stop judging.)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Intimate and Awkward
I just sewed a button on my boss' shirt cuff while he was wearing it--an incredibly intimate act, if you think about it. I'm hoping he walked away thinking he was lucky to have such a great admin, and hopefully not, "Wow! Erin was really uncomfortable--she blushed the whole time." or even worse, "Sweet! I looked down her shirt the whole time!"
Are you fricking kidding me?
I just worked for an hour putting together a blog about my night last night, and when I hit publish, blogger informed me that it was "unable to process" my request. GONE.
I'll think about re writing it. I'm pretty pissed.
I'll think about re writing it. I'm pretty pissed.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Kicking Myself
I just got busted complaining about a co-worker.
I told her I was sorry.
The fact that what I was saying was true bears absolutely no weight when I get caught being a total ass.
Ugh. I feel awful.
Lord, I have so much
to work on in my dark heart.
Help me hold my tongue.
I told her I was sorry.
The fact that what I was saying was true bears absolutely no weight when I get caught being a total ass.
Ugh. I feel awful.
Lord, I have so much
to work on in my dark heart.
Help me hold my tongue.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Mother's Day
When I was in middle school, my mom went to work at Wal-Mart to make ends meet (and in retrospect, probably for a much-needed break from the house). Because money was tight at the time, and because of her discount, most of my school clothes came from Wal-Mart for a while. I, of course, in my pre-pubescent selfishness, could think of nothing more horrifying than wearing Wal-Mart clothes to school. Especially once the other kids found out where my mom worked. The teased me, and I sulked and complained at home.
I can't imagine how much that must have hurt her feelings at the time. I doubt she looked forward to being on her feet for hours on end checking cranky people out at Wal-Mart.
(One plus-side to having mom work was coming home to find Kristi's car parked outside occasionally.)
I think I've come a long way since I was 12 or 13 (or 17 when she was there with encouragement every single day when we started high school in Alabama, or 20 when she worked 3rd shift at Mesaba so I could enjoy flight benefits to go back to Nashville every other week to visit my loser boyfriend) at being thankful and grateful for everything mom's do. I probably won't understand the sacrifices mother's make for their babies until I have one of my own, but I just want to say that I am so thankful, Mom, for everything. A safe home, a listening ear, and an unending, tireless commitment to the three of us.
I love you.
I can't imagine how much that must have hurt her feelings at the time. I doubt she looked forward to being on her feet for hours on end checking cranky people out at Wal-Mart.
(One plus-side to having mom work was coming home to find Kristi's car parked outside occasionally.)
I think I've come a long way since I was 12 or 13 (or 17 when she was there with encouragement every single day when we started high school in Alabama, or 20 when she worked 3rd shift at Mesaba so I could enjoy flight benefits to go back to Nashville every other week to visit my loser boyfriend) at being thankful and grateful for everything mom's do. I probably won't understand the sacrifices mother's make for their babies until I have one of my own, but I just want to say that I am so thankful, Mom, for everything. A safe home, a listening ear, and an unending, tireless commitment to the three of us.
I love you.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Your Mom
My mom says I have to blog.
[Cue eye-rolling, a la my 13-year-old-self.]
I'm sorry, guys but I don't have much to say, and beLIEVE me, I try all day every day (usually until I fall asleep) to think of new and interesting blog topics. My energy is taken up in other projects right now (Wink, wink to those of you who know. Sorry to the rest of you, you'll have to find out in June. June 22, to be precise, actually. No, I'm not blogging what it is, don't ask. I don't want to jinx it. I shouldn't even be talking about it this much.).
So, here are some other things on my mind.
1. Jenna is coming home on June 18, which also happens to be Richard's birthday! I can't WAIT to see her!
2. The Southwest Salad from McDonald's is pretty good.
3. I went tanning over lunch today, and couldn't relax because I could only think of all the energy I was wasting laying there in that electric bed of death. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll be going back. When did I turn GREEN?? What's next? I'll be voting for Hillary?! A full Democratic turn? Heaven forbid. (Seriously, heaven forbid.)
4. Softball season starts tonight! Come sit with us, "The First Wive's Club," at 6:45 at the Hudson fields. We'll be waiting for you at the top of the bleachers. It's free and it's going to be a beautiful night! Hope to see you there to cheer on Ricky-D, Double-A, Jared, and Nathan (I have yet to come up with obnoxious nick-names for the newbees. Suggestions are welcome.)
[Cue eye-rolling, a la my 13-year-old-self.]
I'm sorry, guys but I don't have much to say, and beLIEVE me, I try all day every day (usually until I fall asleep) to think of new and interesting blog topics. My energy is taken up in other projects right now (Wink, wink to those of you who know. Sorry to the rest of you, you'll have to find out in June. June 22, to be precise, actually. No, I'm not blogging what it is, don't ask. I don't want to jinx it. I shouldn't even be talking about it this much.).
So, here are some other things on my mind.
1. Jenna is coming home on June 18, which also happens to be Richard's birthday! I can't WAIT to see her!
2. The Southwest Salad from McDonald's is pretty good.
3. I went tanning over lunch today, and couldn't relax because I could only think of all the energy I was wasting laying there in that electric bed of death. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll be going back. When did I turn GREEN?? What's next? I'll be voting for Hillary?! A full Democratic turn? Heaven forbid. (Seriously, heaven forbid.)
4. Softball season starts tonight! Come sit with us, "The First Wive's Club," at 6:45 at the Hudson fields. We'll be waiting for you at the top of the bleachers. It's free and it's going to be a beautiful night! Hope to see you there to cheer on Ricky-D, Double-A, Jared, and Nathan (I have yet to come up with obnoxious nick-names for the newbees. Suggestions are welcome.)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Blue Cavalier
Dear Miss Blue Cavalier;
Good morning! Thank you for the wake up honk! I wasn't quite awake yet until you alerted me to your presence in my rear view mirror.
I feel, as a regular traveler on 694, that it is my right--nay--my duty to talk to you about some things.
First of all, if you are riding so close to my rear bumper that I can't see your headlights, you are too close. If I can see that you could stand to put on a few pounds, you are too close. If you are riding so close to me that I can see your roots, I'm going to mess with you.
Please be assured, no amount of swerving, light flashing, gesturing, hand-waving or shouting into my rear-view mirror (I can't hear you, you see), will convince me to let you out of the trap the school bus and I have created. Mr. School Bus and I will ride side by side at 59 miles an hour until you can calm down. I'm not kidding around here.
I'm not going to ask for an apology personally, but I really think you owe it to Mr. School Bus and Mrs. Sable to tell them how sorry you are for the commotion you caused this morning. I know for a fact that Mrs. Sable was very offended by some of your gestures and to be honest, they weren't very lady-like.
I think that until you can relax a little and try to remember that we all have places to be, and that we're all running late too, you should stay off the roads and thnk about what you've done. Also, please try to limit yourself to one Mountain Dew before you get in the car.
Very sincerely yours,
Erin
p.s. The rule "Both hands on the wheel," means, "Keep your hands on the steering wheel, stupid--not on your phone." Who could you possibly be texting at 7:15 in the morning anyway? You're sort of an irritating person all around, aren't you? If you were texting me that early I'd be more than a little annoyed. Also, seriously. Platinum worked for Marilyn. That's it. No one else. I'm just saying.
Good morning! Thank you for the wake up honk! I wasn't quite awake yet until you alerted me to your presence in my rear view mirror.
I feel, as a regular traveler on 694, that it is my right--nay--my duty to talk to you about some things.
First of all, if you are riding so close to my rear bumper that I can't see your headlights, you are too close. If I can see that you could stand to put on a few pounds, you are too close. If you are riding so close to me that I can see your roots, I'm going to mess with you.
Please be assured, no amount of swerving, light flashing, gesturing, hand-waving or shouting into my rear-view mirror (I can't hear you, you see), will convince me to let you out of the trap the school bus and I have created. Mr. School Bus and I will ride side by side at 59 miles an hour until you can calm down. I'm not kidding around here.
I'm not going to ask for an apology personally, but I really think you owe it to Mr. School Bus and Mrs. Sable to tell them how sorry you are for the commotion you caused this morning. I know for a fact that Mrs. Sable was very offended by some of your gestures and to be honest, they weren't very lady-like.
I think that until you can relax a little and try to remember that we all have places to be, and that we're all running late too, you should stay off the roads and thnk about what you've done. Also, please try to limit yourself to one Mountain Dew before you get in the car.
Very sincerely yours,
Erin
p.s. The rule "Both hands on the wheel," means, "Keep your hands on the steering wheel, stupid--not on your phone." Who could you possibly be texting at 7:15 in the morning anyway? You're sort of an irritating person all around, aren't you? If you were texting me that early I'd be more than a little annoyed. Also, seriously. Platinum worked for Marilyn. That's it. No one else. I'm just saying.
Monday, May 07, 2007
It is Finished.
Finally! The bathroom is finished, marriage in-tact.
It turned out BEAUTIFULLY! Here are some pics.
Thanks, Naomi, for helping me pick out the shower curtain. I couldn't have done it without you. Really.
I think I need something on the wall...
As you can see here, I was able to incorporate the old blue towels with just a few new green towels, so no one's feelings got hurt.
The vanity has a BOTTOM DRAWER. Pretty cool. (I am SO married--sometimes it surprises me.)
It turned out BEAUTIFULLY! Here are some pics.
Thanks, Naomi, for helping me pick out the shower curtain. I couldn't have done it without you. Really.
I think I need something on the wall...
As you can see here, I was able to incorporate the old blue towels with just a few new green towels, so no one's feelings got hurt.
The vanity has a BOTTOM DRAWER. Pretty cool. (I am SO married--sometimes it surprises me.)
We still have a little work to do, but I'll take what I can get!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
FYI
Just as a point of interest, a Tide-to-Go stick does not aid in the removal of chili-cheese burrito.
It doesn't remove anything chili-cheese for that matter.
It doesn't remove anything chili-cheese for that matter.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Good Day / Bad Day
This morning I went to buy my breakfast and my cafeteria friend asked how I was doing.
"I'm ok," I said. "I'm a little cranky, though. I'm not having a good day."
She said, "Oh. I had a good day yesterday, and I'm having a good day today."
Good to know.
"I'm ok," I said. "I'm a little cranky, though. I'm not having a good day."
She said, "Oh. I had a good day yesterday, and I'm having a good day today."
Good to know.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Skinny Dippers
About 200 grads caught skinny dipping
MOORHEAD, Minn. - As many as 200 students decided to celebrate graduation at Concordia College by skinny dipping in a murky campus pond early Monday, authorities said.
A security officer tried to shoo the students out of the pond but they wouldn't cooperate, Concordia security chief Sherri Arnold said.
Moorhead police were called after students pushed the security officer's golf cart into the pond.
Police estimated that when they arrived on the scene, about 50-75 students were in various states of undress and fleeing, but no one was naked.
Although no one was arrested, several people could face charges for damage to the cart.
Arnold said 10 people were identified because they left their clothes and wallets behind.
Sunday was graduation day at Concordia.
MOORHEAD, Minn. - As many as 200 students decided to celebrate graduation at Concordia College by skinny dipping in a murky campus pond early Monday, authorities said.
A security officer tried to shoo the students out of the pond but they wouldn't cooperate, Concordia security chief Sherri Arnold said.
Moorhead police were called after students pushed the security officer's golf cart into the pond.
Police estimated that when they arrived on the scene, about 50-75 students were in various states of undress and fleeing, but no one was naked.
Although no one was arrested, several people could face charges for damage to the cart.
Arnold said 10 people were identified because they left their clothes and wallets behind.
Sunday was graduation day at Concordia.
Bathroom Breakdown
Last night when I sat down in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by green striped bathmats, and towels, and toothbrush holders and began to weep, it occurred to me that perhaps I'm taking the new bathroom a little too seriously (or that it was definitely time for bed).
Then Richard, holding a can of spackle and spackle-spreader-outer in his hands said, "Why don't we get the paint on the walls and then decide what towels and decorations we need?"
A smart man.
Did I see that at the time, though? Nope.
All I could see at the time was, "There are about ten other things you could have said to me to make me feel better." Poor Richard. I would have shaken me if I were him. Or told me to go to bed, which I finally did.
Let's get to the bottom of this, though. Why was I crying?
Earlier in the day Richard had suggested replacing our towels. A normal wife should have said, "Cool! I'm on it!" Not this wife. Nosiree. This wife cried because she felt sorry for getting rid of the old towels. I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
Then Richard, holding a can of spackle and spackle-spreader-outer in his hands said, "Why don't we get the paint on the walls and then decide what towels and decorations we need?"
A smart man.
Did I see that at the time, though? Nope.
All I could see at the time was, "There are about ten other things you could have said to me to make me feel better." Poor Richard. I would have shaken me if I were him. Or told me to go to bed, which I finally did.
Let's get to the bottom of this, though. Why was I crying?
Earlier in the day Richard had suggested replacing our towels. A normal wife should have said, "Cool! I'm on it!" Not this wife. Nosiree. This wife cried because she felt sorry for getting rid of the old towels. I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Row 129, Seat B
Just when I start to think I've got my problem children (i.e. Marketers that I support) under control, another one rears his ugly, demanding and demeaning head. Let me tell you a little story.
I only make flight arrangements for one person. The boss.
Until recently.
We've got a new marketer who doesn't think he should have to do his own travel arrangements. I wouldn't mind helping him except that every time he asks me to make a flight, he says, "Just get the flight information and let me know what you find," thereby doubling or tripling my workload. Making travel plans for these guys is never easy. Every trip is convoluted and half-baked and usually has to have a sales call in Timbuktu on the way to Chicago.
As it stands right now, I've been on the phone for 29 minutes and counting trying to make his current arrangements. This time, when he told me to let him know what I find out, I decided to stand up for myself. I said, "You know, that's really a lot more work. If you would just give me the paramaters in which you want to travel [yes, I really talk that way], I'll make the reservation."
He said, "Well, no. I need you to find out what my options are and get back to me."
I don't mind telling you I glared at him. "Ok," I said.
Guess what?
He's sitting in the center aisle on every single flight for the rest of the summer. I hope he gets stuck between a fat, sweaty preacher and a fat, drunk salesman.
I only make flight arrangements for one person. The boss.
Until recently.
We've got a new marketer who doesn't think he should have to do his own travel arrangements. I wouldn't mind helping him except that every time he asks me to make a flight, he says, "Just get the flight information and let me know what you find," thereby doubling or tripling my workload. Making travel plans for these guys is never easy. Every trip is convoluted and half-baked and usually has to have a sales call in Timbuktu on the way to Chicago.
As it stands right now, I've been on the phone for 29 minutes and counting trying to make his current arrangements. This time, when he told me to let him know what I find out, I decided to stand up for myself. I said, "You know, that's really a lot more work. If you would just give me the paramaters in which you want to travel [yes, I really talk that way], I'll make the reservation."
He said, "Well, no. I need you to find out what my options are and get back to me."
I don't mind telling you I glared at him. "Ok," I said.
Guess what?
He's sitting in the center aisle on every single flight for the rest of the summer. I hope he gets stuck between a fat, sweaty preacher and a fat, drunk salesman.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
My Days are Numbered
My days are numbered in photo copies.
My hours in paperclips.
My seconds in emails.
My hours in paperclips.
My seconds in emails.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Baby Needs a New Pair of Shoes!
I found them.
The perfect pair of dress shoes for the summer.
I don't mind telling you, I planned an entire outfit around these shoes. Picture it, charcoal sweater set, crisp kahki pants, pearls, the whole nine yards. Very town and country.** Very, "Oh, dahling, you simply must join Richard and me in the Hamptons for the Fourth of July!"
I'm in love.
The problem is that the only size they had left was a half-size too big for me. Couple this with the fact that my toes slide out the front and we have a little-girl-in-her-mom's-high-heels-clonking-down-the-hall situation.
I almost didn't make it to my desk, and I can only imagine what I must have looked like. I know what I sounded like, though, and it wasn't pretty. Or professional.
Luckily, I had the bright idea to put some 3M Nexcare Brand Bandages (not band-aids--for shame!) on my heels, and they seem to be staying on my feet a little bit better.
As my mom says, "Beauty is painful!" ...Or takes ingenuity and sacrifice.
The "Perfect Pair" is
such an elusive myst'ry!
Beauty is painful!
Gotta look gorgeous...
What's this Town & Country gal
to do? Buy more shoes!
p.s. Nobody tell Richard I bought another pair of black shoes.
The perfect pair of dress shoes for the summer.
I don't mind telling you, I planned an entire outfit around these shoes. Picture it, charcoal sweater set, crisp kahki pants, pearls, the whole nine yards. Very town and country.** Very, "Oh, dahling, you simply must join Richard and me in the Hamptons for the Fourth of July!"
I'm in love.
The problem is that the only size they had left was a half-size too big for me. Couple this with the fact that my toes slide out the front and we have a little-girl-in-her-mom's-high-heels-clonking-down-the-hall situation.
I almost didn't make it to my desk, and I can only imagine what I must have looked like. I know what I sounded like, though, and it wasn't pretty. Or professional.
Luckily, I had the bright idea to put some 3M Nexcare Brand Bandages (not band-aids--for shame!) on my heels, and they seem to be staying on my feet a little bit better.
As my mom says, "Beauty is painful!" ...Or takes ingenuity and sacrifice.
**Dressing in costume makes the days easier. Today is Town & Country, tomorrow will be Modern Gal. Not sure about Thursday yet. I'm open for suggestions.
I've been remiss in my haiku writing.The "Perfect Pair" is
such an elusive myst'ry!
Beauty is painful!
Gotta look gorgeous...
What's this Town & Country gal
to do? Buy more shoes!
p.s. Nobody tell Richard I bought another pair of black shoes.
Monday, April 23, 2007
OMG! I CNT BLV THS.
This is just too much.
Mandi, where were you?? You could have won!
I've bolded a couple of things I just can't believe.
Mandi, where were you?? You could have won!
I've bolded a couple of things I just can't believe.
NEW YORK (AFP) - It's a sport only for the fleet of thumb with a ruthless dedication to punctuation.
And while competitive text messaging may not have quite gained Olympic status, the hundreds of mostly teenagers who took part in the US championships in New York Saturday could think of little but the 25,000-dollar prize money.
Some 250 challengers shunned the warmest day of the year for a dark ballroom where they battled it out for a chance to take on the reigning West Coast champion, 21-year-old Eli Tirosh, for the title of US Texting Champion.
Contestants had to stand with their hands behind their backs until a bell sounded and a message appeared on an overhead screen. The winner was judged on whoever's message -- checked for exact punctuation -- reached the judges first.
The text tests ranged from "faster than a speeding bullet..." and "what we do in life echoes in eternity" to the less poetic "OMG, nd 2 talk asap," which for those over 30 means "Oh my Go[sh], need to talk as soon as possible."
The 250 competitors were quickly whittled down to eight semi finalists, one of whom, Anne Finn, 24, of Allegany, New York, said the pressure was too much.
[...]
Some 250 challengers shunned the warmest day of the year for a dark ballroom where they battled it out for a chance to take on the reigning West Coast champion, 21-year-old Eli Tirosh, for the title of US Texting Champion.
Contestants had to stand with their hands behind their backs until a bell sounded and a message appeared on an overhead screen. The winner was judged on whoever's message -- checked for exact punctuation -- reached the judges first.
The text tests ranged from "faster than a speeding bullet..." and "what we do in life echoes in eternity" to the less poetic "OMG, nd 2 talk asap," which for those over 30 means "Oh my Go[sh], need to talk as soon as possible."
The 250 competitors were quickly whittled down to eight semi finalists, one of whom, Anne Finn, 24, of Allegany, New York, said the pressure was too much.
[...]
Tirosh, who said she practiced with her friend and trainer Amy, who threw out random words or symbols and even motivational Buddhist quotes, admitted to feeling a certain pressure due to the home side advantage.
Wearing a satin boxing robe before her championship bout against Pozgar, she said success would come down to who could marry lightning speed and accuracy.
"It's all about the thumbwork," she said. "It's about balance." She said she owed her success to relaxation and deep breathing.
So dedicated is she to the art of the text message that Tirosh apparently unwittingly uses abbreviations such as BTW (by the way), TTYL (talk to you later) and LOL (laughing out loud) in her normal speech.
Pozgar said she trained by sending on average 8,000 text messages a month to her friends -- an astonishing rate of one every five and a half minutes. She pays 10 dollars a month for an unlimited text package on her cell phone.
In a tense championship final, Tirosh seemed to have won after putting down her phone first, only for judges to rule she had made a 15,000-dollar typo in the lyrics to Mary Poppins song "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
Pozgar, who says she wants to work in fashion when she's older, had no hesitation about how to spend her prize money -- 10,000 dollars for the east coast championship and a further 15,000 dollars for the national award.
She said she was going to hit the stores in New York City.
Her mother Shannon, who had driven five hours into New York from Pennsylvania on Saturday morning for the event, said she would let Morgan spend some of the money but was eyeing the rest for her college fund.
Asked if she would describe herself as a geek, Pozgar rolled her eyes and said no. Her brother, who had separately won a television, seemed to disagree.
Wearing a satin boxing robe before her championship bout against Pozgar, she said success would come down to who could marry lightning speed and accuracy.
"It's all about the thumbwork," she said. "It's about balance." She said she owed her success to relaxation and deep breathing.
So dedicated is she to the art of the text message that Tirosh apparently unwittingly uses abbreviations such as BTW (by the way), TTYL (talk to you later) and LOL (laughing out loud) in her normal speech.
Pozgar said she trained by sending on average 8,000 text messages a month to her friends -- an astonishing rate of one every five and a half minutes. She pays 10 dollars a month for an unlimited text package on her cell phone.
In a tense championship final, Tirosh seemed to have won after putting down her phone first, only for judges to rule she had made a 15,000-dollar typo in the lyrics to Mary Poppins song "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
Pozgar, who says she wants to work in fashion when she's older, had no hesitation about how to spend her prize money -- 10,000 dollars for the east coast championship and a further 15,000 dollars for the national award.
She said she was going to hit the stores in New York City.
Her mother Shannon, who had driven five hours into New York from Pennsylvania on Saturday morning for the event, said she would let Morgan spend some of the money but was eyeing the rest for her college fund.
Asked if she would describe herself as a geek, Pozgar rolled her eyes and said no. Her brother, who had separately won a television, seemed to disagree.
Stock Cars
On Saturday night Rich and I went to the Cedar Lake Speedway to watch the Stock Car Races. Rich had a friend racing, so we decided to check it out.
As you can probably guess, this was my first time attending, and I wasn't sure what to expect--other than a cultural experience. And I wasn't disappointed! I was amazed at all the different kinds of people that were there, and I have to admit, the people-watching was definitely better entertainment than the car-watching.
Overall, though, it was a really fun night. What a rush to see the cars careen around the corners. The first couple of races, I thought for sure they were going to flip at every corner. They didn't (and I won't try to hide my bitter disappointment).
Rich's friend, Keith, won first place for his class' Feature Race (See? I even learned the lingo!), which is a pretty big deal, though not all that surprising, I'm told, because he's a "very talented kid," (i.e. fearless to the edge of insanity).
We had a good night, and I left with a testosterone high.
Rich and I between races.
Cars fishtailing around the corners.
I think Keith is the second car in this race. He won 2nd place in the "Heat" (the first race), and took first in the "Feature."
As you can probably guess, this was my first time attending, and I wasn't sure what to expect--other than a cultural experience. And I wasn't disappointed! I was amazed at all the different kinds of people that were there, and I have to admit, the people-watching was definitely better entertainment than the car-watching.
Overall, though, it was a really fun night. What a rush to see the cars careen around the corners. The first couple of races, I thought for sure they were going to flip at every corner. They didn't (and I won't try to hide my bitter disappointment).
Rich's friend, Keith, won first place for his class' Feature Race (See? I even learned the lingo!), which is a pretty big deal, though not all that surprising, I'm told, because he's a "very talented kid," (i.e. fearless to the edge of insanity).
We had a good night, and I left with a testosterone high.
Rich and I between races.
Cars fishtailing around the corners.
I think Keith is the second car in this race. He won 2nd place in the "Heat" (the first race), and took first in the "Feature."
Friday, April 20, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Optimist vs Pessimist
A couple had twin boys. One of the boys was a constant pessimist, and the other an eternal optimist. The struggles of having two boys so different proved to be more than the parents could bear, so they went to a psychologist.
After talking extensively about the trouble they were having with the boys the psychologist said, "Try this. For the boys' birthday, which is coming up, give the pessimist the most wonderful gifts you can think of, and give the optimist a box of manure. Then, make them open their gifts in separate rooms and see what happens."
So, when the boys' birthday rolled around the parents did just that, though it seemed unfair to them. They listened outside the door as the pessimist opened his gifts complaining all the time, "Man! A Playstation three? I wanted a Wii! Books?! I hate books! This game is going to break right away, I know it! This birthday stinks!"
Then they crossed the hall to check on the optimist. The found him elbow deep in the box of manure, playing in it, and throwing it up in the air. When he saw his parents he said, "Mom and Dad, you can't fool me! Where there's this much crap, a pony can't be far behind!"
After talking extensively about the trouble they were having with the boys the psychologist said, "Try this. For the boys' birthday, which is coming up, give the pessimist the most wonderful gifts you can think of, and give the optimist a box of manure. Then, make them open their gifts in separate rooms and see what happens."
So, when the boys' birthday rolled around the parents did just that, though it seemed unfair to them. They listened outside the door as the pessimist opened his gifts complaining all the time, "Man! A Playstation three? I wanted a Wii! Books?! I hate books! This game is going to break right away, I know it! This birthday stinks!"
Then they crossed the hall to check on the optimist. The found him elbow deep in the box of manure, playing in it, and throwing it up in the air. When he saw his parents he said, "Mom and Dad, you can't fool me! Where there's this much crap, a pony can't be far behind!"
Monday, April 16, 2007
Cell Phone
My friend sells cell phones. She relayed the following story to me.
A woman came in looking to buy a new cell phone.
"I lost it," she said.
"Ok," Sasha said, "We can get you a new one."
"I always keep it right here," she said, patting her left breast. "In my bra."
"Ok," Sasha said.
"I either lost it in a parking lot..."
"Yep," Sasha said, "that happens a lot."
"...Or in my sister's coffin."
You can't make this shit up.
A woman came in looking to buy a new cell phone.
"I lost it," she said.
"Ok," Sasha said, "We can get you a new one."
"I always keep it right here," she said, patting her left breast. "In my bra."
"Ok," Sasha said.
"I either lost it in a parking lot..."
"Yep," Sasha said, "that happens a lot."
"...Or in my sister's coffin."
You can't make this shit up.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Calling Sarah Jane
Does anybody have Sarah Jane Holsteen's email address?
I seem to have lost it and I want to tell her something.
I seem to have lost it and I want to tell her something.
Chipelewski Family
I've gone back and forth as to whether to post anything about my cousin, Jill, and her husband, Jamie, having twins, simply because it's such a special and private story, but I can't take it anymore. I'm so happy for them that I can't NOT blog any more!
On April 5, Jill gave birth to beautiful twins, Kendall Bernice and Kaleb Arthur.
Welcome to the family, little ones! I hope you get to go home soon!
Take a few minutes to peruse their blog. I promise you'll be touched.
Also, if you go back far enough, you won't believe how big Jill's belly got toward the end!
This is my favorite photo of them--holding hands. Isn't that cute?!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Lucky Me
What I wish I had said to Shelly* in Accounts Receivable at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas as she completely screwed me over this afternoon:
It might be a "Lucky Day" for you, but so far I've been on hold for 40 minutes. I don't consider this a gift from Lady Luck. Normally I would never, ever consider sitting on hold this long, but I have no choice, you see.
According to your records, my boss paid for Zindb Kmwnd's* two night stay at the fabulously lucky Caesar's Palace at the end of March. Since my boss doesn't have a girlfriend and doesn't know Zindb, I don't feel like he should have to pay for this person's room. Although, I guess that would make it Zindb's lucky day, right?
Here's the thing, Shelly. I'm not getting off the phone with you until we get this taken care of. This is my third lucky, lucky phone call to Caesar's Palace, and I think it's important that I reiterate that I have been on hold for 40 minutes so far. I guess it's ok if you put me back on hold as long as I have your word that you're getting help for this situation, not fighting with your husband on the other line.
No, once again, I don't know how Zindb Kmwnd is, or how or why they got my boss' credit card number. No, there haven't been any other erroneous charges, which leads me to assume that the fault is yours, not mine. Yes, I am quite sure the credit card was not stolen. I am holding it right here. No, I wasn't there at the time. I'm sure this is a surprise to you, but I only schedule trips for other people. I don't take them. I don't know what my boss does with his free time between meetings, but I'm quite sure it has nothing to do with Mr. or Ms. Kmwnd.
Yes, I will send you a fax stating my wishes. Though three phone calls stating my wishes seems like plenty. I have to say, you have a good system here. A good way to weed out the liars. No liar would go through this much nonsense just to save a couple hundred dollars. Unless, of course, they were particularly un-lucky. But then that makes me the fool, eh? Making three un-lucky phone calls to take care of this un-lucky situation.
No, I will not go back on hold. Your husband will have to wait.
No, I will not hang up.
Please hold while I send the fax.
Your fax machine is issuing a busy signal.
No, I will not keep trying. What is your email address?
Shelly. I'm not going to keep trying. I will email what you need.
Shelly, I'm not fooling around here. Try not to take my extreme vulnerability to your power too seriously. I mean business.
Shelly?
Hello?
I'll be faxing you, b*tch.
*Most names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
Lucky, lucky me.
I love holding on the phone.
This music is GREAT!
Sitting on hold, I
learned a lot about vegas.
There's lots to do there!
Must be the reason
no one would answer my call
at Caesar's Palace.
It might be a "Lucky Day" for you, but so far I've been on hold for 40 minutes. I don't consider this a gift from Lady Luck. Normally I would never, ever consider sitting on hold this long, but I have no choice, you see.
According to your records, my boss paid for Zindb Kmwnd's* two night stay at the fabulously lucky Caesar's Palace at the end of March. Since my boss doesn't have a girlfriend and doesn't know Zindb, I don't feel like he should have to pay for this person's room. Although, I guess that would make it Zindb's lucky day, right?
Here's the thing, Shelly. I'm not getting off the phone with you until we get this taken care of. This is my third lucky, lucky phone call to Caesar's Palace, and I think it's important that I reiterate that I have been on hold for 40 minutes so far. I guess it's ok if you put me back on hold as long as I have your word that you're getting help for this situation, not fighting with your husband on the other line.
No, once again, I don't know how Zindb Kmwnd is, or how or why they got my boss' credit card number. No, there haven't been any other erroneous charges, which leads me to assume that the fault is yours, not mine. Yes, I am quite sure the credit card was not stolen. I am holding it right here. No, I wasn't there at the time. I'm sure this is a surprise to you, but I only schedule trips for other people. I don't take them. I don't know what my boss does with his free time between meetings, but I'm quite sure it has nothing to do with Mr. or Ms. Kmwnd.
Yes, I will send you a fax stating my wishes. Though three phone calls stating my wishes seems like plenty. I have to say, you have a good system here. A good way to weed out the liars. No liar would go through this much nonsense just to save a couple hundred dollars. Unless, of course, they were particularly un-lucky. But then that makes me the fool, eh? Making three un-lucky phone calls to take care of this un-lucky situation.
No, I will not go back on hold. Your husband will have to wait.
No, I will not hang up.
Please hold while I send the fax.
Your fax machine is issuing a busy signal.
No, I will not keep trying. What is your email address?
Shelly. I'm not going to keep trying. I will email what you need.
Shelly, I'm not fooling around here. Try not to take my extreme vulnerability to your power too seriously. I mean business.
Shelly?
Hello?
I'll be faxing you, b*tch.
*Most names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
Lucky, lucky me.
I love holding on the phone.
This music is GREAT!
Sitting on hold, I
learned a lot about vegas.
There's lots to do there!
Must be the reason
no one would answer my call
at Caesar's Palace.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Lies
I know I've been lying a lot lately, but you have to believe me when I say it's. snowing. outside.
This goose can hardly believe it.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Ervin
This morning, on my way in to work, I was on the entrance ramp to get on to highway 36. The sun was in my eyes, so I just narrowly missed the gold toyota pulled over to the side of the road. A woman was very clearly having car problems--the drivers' side front wheel was turned at a 90 degree angle to the rest of the car. She had her flashers on and looked like she was talking on her cell phone in the front seat. She looked like she was about 60 years old and I felt sorry for her, so I pulled over to try to help.
I pulled on to the shoulder, far enough ahead of her car so that in case she got rear-ended, my car would be safely out of the way. I got out and tapped on her passenger window, which she opened a crack. "Are you ok?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm fine."
"Can I do anything? My husband is at home--just a mile away."
"No, I'm on the phone with the pol--Ervin?? Ervin is that you?"
"Um...my name is Erin. Sorry. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?"
"Ervin! I know it's you!" She turned more fully toward me, now, and I could see a trickle of blood down the left side of her face.
"Ma'am, you're bleeding. I'm going to call 911."
"Ervin, I told you--I'm on the phone with the police right now. See?" She held up her glasses case.
"Ok. I'm going to use my phone to call the police, too--just so they know it's urgent."
"You don't have to waste your minutes. I'll be fine, Ervin."
"It's no trouble at all. What's your name?" I asked, dialing. I thought perhaps it would be wise to keep her talking to me.
"My name? My name. Paul...Paulette? I think it's Paulette, Ervin."
At this point, my heart was really beating fast. She was bleeding, she didn't remember her name, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what happened to her wheel that would make it turn the way it was facing.
"Paulette, can you unlock the door so I can sit down with you? It's real cold out here."
"Oh, sure, Ervin. Come on in."
I sat with Paulette, if that's her name, until the police and ambulance arrived. We had a nice chat about dogs and swimming. The EMT said she would be ok, but wouldn't tell me which hospital they were taking her to.
When I got to work, my phone was ringing. It was a gentleman from Michigan looking for Ervin Days-vows-jezz.
I pulled on to the shoulder, far enough ahead of her car so that in case she got rear-ended, my car would be safely out of the way. I got out and tapped on her passenger window, which she opened a crack. "Are you ok?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm fine."
"Can I do anything? My husband is at home--just a mile away."
"No, I'm on the phone with the pol--Ervin?? Ervin is that you?"
"Um...my name is Erin. Sorry. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?"
"Ervin! I know it's you!" She turned more fully toward me, now, and I could see a trickle of blood down the left side of her face.
"Ma'am, you're bleeding. I'm going to call 911."
"Ervin, I told you--I'm on the phone with the police right now. See?" She held up her glasses case.
"Ok. I'm going to use my phone to call the police, too--just so they know it's urgent."
"You don't have to waste your minutes. I'll be fine, Ervin."
"It's no trouble at all. What's your name?" I asked, dialing. I thought perhaps it would be wise to keep her talking to me.
"My name? My name. Paul...Paulette? I think it's Paulette, Ervin."
At this point, my heart was really beating fast. She was bleeding, she didn't remember her name, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what happened to her wheel that would make it turn the way it was facing.
"Paulette, can you unlock the door so I can sit down with you? It's real cold out here."
"Oh, sure, Ervin. Come on in."
I sat with Paulette, if that's her name, until the police and ambulance arrived. We had a nice chat about dogs and swimming. The EMT said she would be ok, but wouldn't tell me which hospital they were taking her to.
When I got to work, my phone was ringing. It was a gentleman from Michigan looking for Ervin Days-vows-jezz.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Easter Bunnies
I've been having a discussion with Grandma Shirley about Easter traditions. We understand that eggs and rabbits are pagan symbols of fertility, but how did it come to be that they were connected? Rabbits don't hatch from or lay eggs, so why do they bring eggs?
The best I can tell from wikipedia.com is that Easter Bunnies traditionally come at spring time bearing eggs as symbols of spring and fertility.
None of this is new or special. I probably could have figured all this out on my own, but it's got me thinking. Thinking about what we / I worship and how self-serving my idols are. What could be more self-serving and more me-based theology (I just made that up) than worshipping our own fertility? I don't really buy into the whole Easter Bunny thing, but what else do I worship that only focuses on me? Why do I keep looking inward instead of upward? How can I change my focus?
And that, I guess, is the difference between me and a "pagan." I'm not perfect--I have plenty of idols, but I try to seek God in an effort not to celebrate them. I don't think the Easter Bunny will come to our house when we have kids. I don't think Santa will visit either, now that I think about it. Why encourage self / idol-worship to a child that will have the same propensity for idolitry that I struggle with as an adult? If I intend to teach my children that Jesus Christ is their savior, I can't confuse them with pagan symbols of fertility, right?
Somebody back me up, here. I feel like I'm talking myself into a corner.
The best I can tell from wikipedia.com is that Easter Bunnies traditionally come at spring time bearing eggs as symbols of spring and fertility.
None of this is new or special. I probably could have figured all this out on my own, but it's got me thinking. Thinking about what we / I worship and how self-serving my idols are. What could be more self-serving and more me-based theology (I just made that up) than worshipping our own fertility? I don't really buy into the whole Easter Bunny thing, but what else do I worship that only focuses on me? Why do I keep looking inward instead of upward? How can I change my focus?
And that, I guess, is the difference between me and a "pagan." I'm not perfect--I have plenty of idols, but I try to seek God in an effort not to celebrate them. I don't think the Easter Bunny will come to our house when we have kids. I don't think Santa will visit either, now that I think about it. Why encourage self / idol-worship to a child that will have the same propensity for idolitry that I struggle with as an adult? If I intend to teach my children that Jesus Christ is their savior, I can't confuse them with pagan symbols of fertility, right?
Somebody back me up, here. I feel like I'm talking myself into a corner.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Ours go to ELEVEN.
I discovered after lunch that I split my pants.
I can't decide whether to go home, or just not stand up for the rest of the day.
Discouragement meter: 11
Out of 10.
I can't decide whether to go home, or just not stand up for the rest of the day.
Discouragement meter: 11
Out of 10.
Worthless
Last Friday, I worked my fingers to the bone (literally, I cut my thumb) cleaning out the supply and copy room, which houses a printer that we all share. For any of you who work in an office, you know this is a dirty job, especially when you take into account how many people print things out on the printer and never pick them up. Because of this, I hung up a sign that said, "At 5:00pm every day all printouts will be thrown away, with the exception of faxes." I worked all day and went home filthy and tired.
So, last night at 4:44, I threw everything away that people had left on the printer. Early, I know, but I was trying to go home.
This morning a post-it was on one of the signs that says, "I was here at 4:45 and you had thrown my printouts. 5:00?"
I saved it and plan to keep it forever to remind myself that nothing I do will ever be good enough and my hard work is worthless.
What really gets me is the "5:00?" at the end of the note. It's like the author (a woman) tried to think of a way to drive the knife a little deeper. Of course, it wasn't signed, so it was passive aggressive and mean. Apparently, this woman knows how to really get under my skin.
I'd like to add to my Ill Communication post.
#14. Passive aggressiveness solves nothing, you ass clown. (Please see #8, #10, #11 and #12.)
Feelings really hurt
by a thoughtless post-it note.
Why keep working hard?
Discouragement meter for today: 8.
So, last night at 4:44, I threw everything away that people had left on the printer. Early, I know, but I was trying to go home.
This morning a post-it was on one of the signs that says, "I was here at 4:45 and you had thrown my printouts. 5:00?"
I saved it and plan to keep it forever to remind myself that nothing I do will ever be good enough and my hard work is worthless.
What really gets me is the "5:00?" at the end of the note. It's like the author (a woman) tried to think of a way to drive the knife a little deeper. Of course, it wasn't signed, so it was passive aggressive and mean. Apparently, this woman knows how to really get under my skin.
I'd like to add to my Ill Communication post.
#14. Passive aggressiveness solves nothing, you ass clown. (Please see #8, #10, #11 and #12.)
Feelings really hurt
by a thoughtless post-it note.
Why keep working hard?
Discouragement meter for today: 8.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
ManiPedi
I went for a manicure/pedicure with Mandi yesterday and therefore opened myself to the ridicule of the manicurist.
She held up my hand and said, "What have you been doing to your fingers? Doesn't this hurt?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "What? You enjoy the pain?"
I said, "No...I can't help it. I chew on my nails."
"Your nails are in fine shape. Your cuticles look painful!"
"I know...I pick at them."
"You pick at your cuticles?" (Judgy-wudgy was a bear...)
"I can't help it. It's a habit I come by genetically."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes."
And that was the end of the conversation--until she realized that I hadn't shaved my legs.
Listen, I don't smoke. I bite and pick at my cuticles when I'm nervous or agitated--which is most of the time. It feels good--satisfying. The way a cigarette must feel to someone who smokes after a meal. So sue me. I suppose shaving my legs would have been the polite thing to do for her, but I forgot. Sue. Me.
But seriously. Why did she think I was there? If I had nice cuticles, I wouldn't need her help. She did a good job, though. I'll definitely be going back. With earplugs.
Judgement from a girl
paid to fix my yucky nails.
Don't want to hear it.
She held up my hand and said, "What have you been doing to your fingers? Doesn't this hurt?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "What? You enjoy the pain?"
I said, "No...I can't help it. I chew on my nails."
"Your nails are in fine shape. Your cuticles look painful!"
"I know...I pick at them."
"You pick at your cuticles?" (Judgy-wudgy was a bear...)
"I can't help it. It's a habit I come by genetically."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes."
And that was the end of the conversation--until she realized that I hadn't shaved my legs.
Listen, I don't smoke. I bite and pick at my cuticles when I'm nervous or agitated--which is most of the time. It feels good--satisfying. The way a cigarette must feel to someone who smokes after a meal. So sue me. I suppose shaving my legs would have been the polite thing to do for her, but I forgot. Sue. Me.
But seriously. Why did she think I was there? If I had nice cuticles, I wouldn't need her help. She did a good job, though. I'll definitely be going back. With earplugs.
Judgement from a girl
paid to fix my yucky nails.
Don't want to hear it.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Ill Communication
I'm tired of the way we talk to each other. I'm tired of communication breakdowns all because of our inability to just say what we mean.
Here are some ideas:
1. Take responsibility for the things that come out of your mouth.
2. Do what you say you are going to do.
3. In other words, mean what you say, and say what you mean.
4. Tell the truth. (See #1)
5. Don't keep secrets.
6. Keep secrets that no one needs to hear. (See #1)
7. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear and then change your mind. (See #1)
8. Think about what you say before you say it (see #1).
9. Don't get mad at me for not understanding you. (Try #1, #8, and #13 for starters.)
10. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
11. Be encouraging.
12. Apologize when necessary. (See #1)
13. Don't jump to conclusions. (See #9)
Our tongues and typing fingers is/are a dangerous weapon (especially mine). Use them carefully. I don't claim to be very good at this, but I'm tired of confusing/dishonest conversation that leads to doubts and then ill-feelings. On my part OR yours.
Perhaps I am extra-sensitive to this sort of thing because I'm so aware of my own faults, but lately, I feel very beat up and, well, thrashed, by people's words. I just thought I'd say something.
I did a little e-bible search on tongues and found that James 3:8 says, "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." Amen, James. There are a lot more verses on the tongue being damned to hell. Humbling, indeed. Just because James says no man can tame his tongue, doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Do a little search on your own. Let me know what you find.
Here are some ideas:
1. Take responsibility for the things that come out of your mouth.
2. Do what you say you are going to do.
3. In other words, mean what you say, and say what you mean.
4. Tell the truth. (See #1)
5. Don't keep secrets.
6. Keep secrets that no one needs to hear. (See #1)
7. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear and then change your mind. (See #1)
8. Think about what you say before you say it (see #1).
9. Don't get mad at me for not understanding you. (Try #1, #8, and #13 for starters.)
10. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
11. Be encouraging.
12. Apologize when necessary. (See #1)
13. Don't jump to conclusions. (See #9)
Our tongues and typing fingers is/are a dangerous weapon (especially mine). Use them carefully. I don't claim to be very good at this, but I'm tired of confusing/dishonest conversation that leads to doubts and then ill-feelings. On my part OR yours.
Perhaps I am extra-sensitive to this sort of thing because I'm so aware of my own faults, but lately, I feel very beat up and, well, thrashed, by people's words. I just thought I'd say something.
I did a little e-bible search on tongues and found that James 3:8 says, "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." Amen, James. There are a lot more verses on the tongue being damned to hell. Humbling, indeed. Just because James says no man can tame his tongue, doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Do a little search on your own. Let me know what you find.
Stinky
My office smells like urine.
I don't know if it's a particular person or what, but every time I walk past a certain row of cubes, it's completely overpowering.
Since we just had a big inter-office move, do you think it's possible that people are marking their territory? I'm going to have to do a little more sleuthing to find out where the scent is coming from. If I can stomach it.
I don't know if it's a particular person or what, but every time I walk past a certain row of cubes, it's completely overpowering.
Since we just had a big inter-office move, do you think it's possible that people are marking their territory? I'm going to have to do a little more sleuthing to find out where the scent is coming from. If I can stomach it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Pants on Fire
I am a liar.
Today I am wearing a sapphire ring that Lauren gave me for Christmas last year--she also gave my mom a matching one. It's humongous. Like, 2 carats humongous. And very pretty. She got it for$30 because she was flirting with the salesperson and they had an overstock of them so they were all on sale. I really like it and wish I would have had it for my "something blue" for my wedding.
Good story, right? No need to change it? Apparently the right side of my brain thought different.
When one of the people I support complimented me on my ring, I said, "Thank you! My sister gave it to me. She was dating a jeweler who gave it to her. When they broke up, she gave it to me because she didn't want to throw it away. I'm sure she'll want it back eventually, but I'm gonna wear it for now!"
What?! Why did that come out of my mouth? What is WRONG with me?
Liar, liar--your
pants are on fire. Can't you
control your tongue, Duff?
Today I am wearing a sapphire ring that Lauren gave me for Christmas last year--she also gave my mom a matching one. It's humongous. Like, 2 carats humongous. And very pretty. She got it for$30 because she was flirting with the salesperson and they had an overstock of them so they were all on sale. I really like it and wish I would have had it for my "something blue" for my wedding.
Good story, right? No need to change it? Apparently the right side of my brain thought different.
When one of the people I support complimented me on my ring, I said, "Thank you! My sister gave it to me. She was dating a jeweler who gave it to her. When they broke up, she gave it to me because she didn't want to throw it away. I'm sure she'll want it back eventually, but I'm gonna wear it for now!"
What?! Why did that come out of my mouth? What is WRONG with me?
Liar, liar--your
pants are on fire. Can't you
control your tongue, Duff?
Monday, March 26, 2007
Quilts Galore
"I'm SO blogging this."
The spring quilting retreat was GREAT!
I take a lot of flack (flak? flaque?) at work for quilting. People think I'm too young, but I guess I don't care. It's so much fun and so relaxing to me to go make prety things!
I came home feeling refreshed and aware of God's presence in my life.
Here are some MORE fun photos. The theme for the weekend was "Walking in God's Garden," so we dressed up for dinner on Saturday night like we were in a garden. Everybody LOVED the flower headbands we found at Target--they took the theme and ran with it. Such a fun group!
Kristi, Sarah, Naomi, Mary (the garden bunny), Jane and Carolyn. Talk about a fun date!
Naomi & Ariel (the lamb).
Sarah and I at dinner.
Naomi, Erin, Sarah, and Ariel walking in "God's Garden."
Finished wedding quilt. FIN. AL. LY.
Pillows for my parents--made from silk brought home by my dad during the Vietnam War.
Baby quilt lovingly made for little NFP, coming to the world sometime this fall!
The idea is to build "eye strength" by making Baby Nourse (aka NFP) go crosseyed.
Actually, this was a pretty cool "Stack 'n' Whack" project.
A Mouse in the House
Have you ever seen a cat try to eat a mouse alive?
I have.
Last night, I heard a rustling in the kitchen and then a deep, menacing growl from the cat. By the time I got up to see what was going on, I saw his tail disappearing into the basement.
I found Kitty circling the basement, still growling with a mouse sticking out of his mouth. The especially horrifying part was that he had the mouse's entire body in his mouth with just a little gray head sticking out, looking at me as if to say, "I'm not having a good time."
Turns out, the cat didn't really want to eat the mouse, just keep it as a play thing, and maybe carry it around for a little while.
The mouse eventually got away and the rat poison is out (safely hidden from the pets, of course, though not the vermin). So, the cat spent the rest of the night looking for the lost mouse, and for all I know, he found it and it'll be waiting for me when I get home tonight in a pool of bile--hopefully on the kitchen or bathroom floor (if I'm lucky).
Today is my 150th post.
I have.
Last night, I heard a rustling in the kitchen and then a deep, menacing growl from the cat. By the time I got up to see what was going on, I saw his tail disappearing into the basement.
I found Kitty circling the basement, still growling with a mouse sticking out of his mouth. The especially horrifying part was that he had the mouse's entire body in his mouth with just a little gray head sticking out, looking at me as if to say, "I'm not having a good time."
Turns out, the cat didn't really want to eat the mouse, just keep it as a play thing, and maybe carry it around for a little while.
The mouse eventually got away and the rat poison is out (safely hidden from the pets, of course, though not the vermin). So, the cat spent the rest of the night looking for the lost mouse, and for all I know, he found it and it'll be waiting for me when I get home tonight in a pool of bile--hopefully on the kitchen or bathroom floor (if I'm lucky).
Today is my 150th post.
Monday, March 19, 2007
The North Shore
Things I thought about the North Shore before visiting and whether or not said thoughts turned out to be true:
1. The lake would be beautiful.
2. It would be very cold and windy.
3. Surely, somewhere we would be able to find traditional Irish fare for dinner on St. Patrick's Day, and possibly even a green beer.
4. Friday night fish fry would be awesome and I would immediately begin to love all fish.
1. True, though very creepy. All I could think about were all the sailors who died on that lake and their restless souls rising from the depths to take me in to the cold waters with them. Eeeeeeewwww. Richard, surprisingly, didn't share my fear, though he did admit that it is completely rational.
2. Happily, false. Two days of the three we were there were 50 degrees or so.
3. Oh, so false. Take my word for it--anywhere that there is pickled herring on the breakfast buffet is a place far, far away from my people.
These were all around the light house-- we thought they were pretty funny.
1. The lake would be beautiful.
2. It would be very cold and windy.
3. Surely, somewhere we would be able to find traditional Irish fare for dinner on St. Patrick's Day, and possibly even a green beer.
4. Friday night fish fry would be awesome and I would immediately begin to love all fish.
5. Our lodge would be cozy and comfortable.
6. I would have the chance to relax and not talk to anyone.
7. The Split Rock Light House would be wonderful.
8. I would begin to appreciate the Scandanavian / Swedish / Norwegian "subtle sense of humor."
1. True, though very creepy. All I could think about were all the sailors who died on that lake and their restless souls rising from the depths to take me in to the cold waters with them. Eeeeeeewwww. Richard, surprisingly, didn't share my fear, though he did admit that it is completely rational.
2. Happily, false. Two days of the three we were there were 50 degrees or so.
3. Oh, so false. Take my word for it--anywhere that there is pickled herring on the breakfast buffet is a place far, far away from my people.
4. Mostly true. I freaked out a little bit about the bones in my walleye. Small steps, I guess.
5. True. We had a fireplace in our room and a DVD player on which we watched the 10th season of Friends and the 2nd season of the Office.
6. Very true--I finished one book (A Long Way Down, Nick Hornby--not too highly recommended, sadly because he is in my top 3 favorite authors) and made a good dent in another (The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards--very good so far, 100 pages in). And my cell phone had minimal service and then died completely on Friday. Too bad, so sad.
7. It was pretty cool, but I've determined that it is a big deal and a hot place to visit only because there is NOTHING ELSE UP THERE.
8. False.
Some photos, if you're interested:
Lake Superior info--I wish I knew how deep it is!
The lighthouse. Cool view, eh?
The lake, straight down from the light house.
Rich and I in front of the lighthouse.
These were all around the light house-- we thought they were pretty funny.
The veiw from our room.
This one's for Jared.
The lake on Sunday morning, early. I swear you can see a ghost ship rising from the depths.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Popstand
Rich and I are leaving in 3 hours for a much needed vacation.
I can't WAIT to get out of here!
See you on the flip side!
I can't WAIT to get out of here!
See you on the flip side!
Monday, March 12, 2007
UV-What?
I've been tanning.
Now, before you start, I know how bad it is for me. But I don't care. It lightens my mood and energizes me. I don't smoke, on average I have one drink (or less) per week, I don't do drugs. I like coca cola, and I like to go tanning occasionally. Everybody has their vices.
Those of you who know me know how dark I can get, and since I'm up to 9 minutes in the tanning bed, the next time you see me, you probably won't recognize me.
Let's be honest, if you don't recognize me it will be because my freckles have joined forces and turned me into another race.
So, today, I went for 9 minutes over my lunch and I burned my white little hiney, among other things. Seriously, people, I'm worried about body parts falling off.
I'm concerned about my sanity, though, because I knew I was burned as soon as I was done, but what did I do on my way out? I asked the girl how soon I could come back. She said I have to wait 24 hours. Crap!
Now, before you start, I know how bad it is for me. But I don't care. It lightens my mood and energizes me. I don't smoke, on average I have one drink (or less) per week, I don't do drugs. I like coca cola, and I like to go tanning occasionally. Everybody has their vices.
Those of you who know me know how dark I can get, and since I'm up to 9 minutes in the tanning bed, the next time you see me, you probably won't recognize me.
Let's be honest, if you don't recognize me it will be because my freckles have joined forces and turned me into another race.
So, today, I went for 9 minutes over my lunch and I burned my white little hiney, among other things. Seriously, people, I'm worried about body parts falling off.
I'm concerned about my sanity, though, because I knew I was burned as soon as I was done, but what did I do on my way out? I asked the girl how soon I could come back. She said I have to wait 24 hours. Crap!
Friday, March 09, 2007
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...
Something you may not know about me--I love Queen.
The band.
I keep a radio (that also plays my iPod) on my desk at work, which I turn up a little while I'm working and turn back down every time the phone rings or someone stops at my desk. All day long I turn the volume up and down, up and down. Don't get me wrong, the loudest I ever let it get is a low murmur, so it's hardly offensive if I leave my iPod on random at my desk and SnoopDogg or something else equally offensive comes on. If anyone sat within 20 feet of me, they might find this irritating, but since I'm alone in my own little corner, I can do just about whatever I want.
Imagine my joy today when "Fat Bottomed Girls," my all-time favorite Queen song came on the radio.
I snuck and turned it up just a little bit more.
Then my boss walked up. I reached to turn down the volume out of habit and then thought again. "No," I thought. "I won't turn this down just because Arnie is here. I shouldn't be ashamed of myself!" So I left it turned up.
Rock'n'Roll!
Queen, you're my fav'rite.
Don't care if you're gay or weird.
HIV's a bitch.
Poor Freddie died young,
but not before he left us
with shining gems as
"Bohemian Rhap',"
"Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
and "Fat Bottomed Girls."
The band.
I keep a radio (that also plays my iPod) on my desk at work, which I turn up a little while I'm working and turn back down every time the phone rings or someone stops at my desk. All day long I turn the volume up and down, up and down. Don't get me wrong, the loudest I ever let it get is a low murmur, so it's hardly offensive if I leave my iPod on random at my desk and SnoopDogg or something else equally offensive comes on. If anyone sat within 20 feet of me, they might find this irritating, but since I'm alone in my own little corner, I can do just about whatever I want.
Imagine my joy today when "Fat Bottomed Girls," my all-time favorite Queen song came on the radio.
I snuck and turned it up just a little bit more.
Then my boss walked up. I reached to turn down the volume out of habit and then thought again. "No," I thought. "I won't turn this down just because Arnie is here. I shouldn't be ashamed of myself!" So I left it turned up.
Rock'n'Roll!
Queen, you're my fav'rite.
Don't care if you're gay or weird.
HIV's a bitch.
Poor Freddie died young,
but not before he left us
with shining gems as
"Bohemian Rhap',"
"Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
and "Fat Bottomed Girls."
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Mis-Match
I worked until 6pm last night on a project, so I opted to come in late to work this morning. Those two extra hours must really have worn me out, though, because I didn't realize until I sat down at my desk that I was carrying a brown shoe and a black shoe. Good thing I wear my boots to work every day, or I'd be out of luck.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Dove Thoughts--Part Two
Ok, I admit it. I didn't see the appeal to Dove chocolate until recently. I typically like chocolate so dark that it's like eating a spoonful of coffee grounds, and Dove just doesn't deliver chocolate that dark. Then there was the whole...Dove Promises thing. I admit, I faked it in my post on Dove in the fall of last year. I just didn't see the appeal.
Until recently.
Have you tried the ones with caramel?
Yum-O, as my best friend would say.
In order to enjoy the caramel goodness, I've had to put aside my feelings for Dove Promises. I thought I'd share some of my favorites* with you.
-Count the stars.
-Share a sunset.
-Sing along with the elevator music.
-Today is definitely a bubble bath day.
-Flirt with someone.
Do you see what's going on here? These aren't promises. They're suggestions. Commandments, if you will. Imagine if you opened a chocolate and it actually made a promise, "The laundry will be done when you get home." Or, "Your boobs won't sag after child rearing--that's just something they tell you in high school so you won't have sex." "An all-Chipotle diet will help you lose those last ten pounds."
Now that's something I could get behind.
What is a promise you'd like to hear from a chocolate?
*The word "favorites" used here instead of "most wretched."
Until recently.
Have you tried the ones with caramel?
Yum-O, as my best friend would say.
In order to enjoy the caramel goodness, I've had to put aside my feelings for Dove Promises. I thought I'd share some of my favorites* with you.
-Count the stars.
-Share a sunset.
-Sing along with the elevator music.
-Today is definitely a bubble bath day.
-Flirt with someone.
Do you see what's going on here? These aren't promises. They're suggestions. Commandments, if you will. Imagine if you opened a chocolate and it actually made a promise, "The laundry will be done when you get home." Or, "Your boobs won't sag after child rearing--that's just something they tell you in high school so you won't have sex." "An all-Chipotle diet will help you lose those last ten pounds."
Now that's something I could get behind.
What is a promise you'd like to hear from a chocolate?
*The word "favorites" used here instead of "most wretched."
Friday, March 02, 2007
I like inside jokes
...I'd like to be a part of one someday.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Stream,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to thank you very sincerely for introducing Richard and me to The Office on Thursday evenings on NBC.
It has changed our lives. It's not only funny on many different levels, it continues to deliver incredible humor week after week, and also faithfully represents my working life.
The show is so dry, however, that I'm surprised it is still on television. To be honest, things I enjoy don't usually last long (remember Rags to Riches?). This fact gives me a sense of urgency every time I sit down to watch and helps me enjoy each episode as the lovely jewel that it is.
In closing, thank you very sincerely for the light you have brought into our lives.
Your friend,
Erin
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Stream,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to thank you very sincerely for introducing Richard and me to The Office on Thursday evenings on NBC.
It has changed our lives. It's not only funny on many different levels, it continues to deliver incredible humor week after week, and also faithfully represents my working life.
The show is so dry, however, that I'm surprised it is still on television. To be honest, things I enjoy don't usually last long (remember Rags to Riches?). This fact gives me a sense of urgency every time I sit down to watch and helps me enjoy each episode as the lovely jewel that it is.
In closing, thank you very sincerely for the light you have brought into our lives.
Your friend,
Erin
Play by Play
My morning:
6:30--Turn the alarm off. Not due in to the office until 9, because of the weather.
7:30--Phone rings. (Side note. To everyone who reads this, please pass it on--DO NOT CALL OUR HOUSE BEFORE 9AM. EVER. We don't get up as early as the rest of the world and I don't anticipate a change in our bio-rhythms any time soon. Plus, it's just plain rude. Most businesses aren't even open before 9am.)
7:40--Get up, look out at 16 or so inches of snow in driveway. Consider calling in.
8:15--Get into car, back in to driveway, do y-turn, drive full force to the end of the driveway, slow down despite Richard's yells, because of the fear of hitting another car that I might not be able to see or damaging the car, get stuck high and dry on the 4+ feet of snow from the snow plow.
8:17--Gertrude says, "I told you not to try it."
8:17:30--Richard says, "I told you to gun it, why did you slow down?"
8:18--Shouting ensues--in front of all the neighbors.
8:20--Neighbor comes over to help dig the car out and try to push it out, but to no avail.
8:30--Go inside and call Arnie. Tell him I'm stuck.
8:55--Richard digs car out.
9:00--Get back in car running peacefully on the road.
9:30--Drive through McDonald's, pay cash. Still a little pissed off about the early morning phone call.
9:45--Get to work with the three other people at 3M today.
10:38--It's still snowing.
6:30--Turn the alarm off. Not due in to the office until 9, because of the weather.
7:30--Phone rings. (Side note. To everyone who reads this, please pass it on--DO NOT CALL OUR HOUSE BEFORE 9AM. EVER. We don't get up as early as the rest of the world and I don't anticipate a change in our bio-rhythms any time soon. Plus, it's just plain rude. Most businesses aren't even open before 9am.)
7:40--Get up, look out at 16 or so inches of snow in driveway. Consider calling in.
8:15--Get into car, back in to driveway, do y-turn, drive full force to the end of the driveway, slow down despite Richard's yells, because of the fear of hitting another car that I might not be able to see or damaging the car, get stuck high and dry on the 4+ feet of snow from the snow plow.
8:17--Gertrude says, "I told you not to try it."
8:17:30--Richard says, "I told you to gun it, why did you slow down?"
8:18--Shouting ensues--in front of all the neighbors.
8:20--Neighbor comes over to help dig the car out and try to push it out, but to no avail.
8:30--Go inside and call Arnie. Tell him I'm stuck.
8:55--Richard digs car out.
9:00--Get back in car running peacefully on the road.
9:30--Drive through McDonald's, pay cash. Still a little pissed off about the early morning phone call.
9:45--Get to work with the three other people at 3M today.
10:38--It's still snowing.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Like Flies
As in, my co-workers are dropping.
They say that after noon (12 minutes from now), the storm is going to get really bad.
I didn't come to work yesterday, and clearly, I chose the wrong day to stay home.
Here's hoping I don't die on the way home tonight...in the dark...and snow...
They say that after noon (12 minutes from now), the storm is going to get really bad.
I didn't come to work yesterday, and clearly, I chose the wrong day to stay home.
Here's hoping I don't die on the way home tonight...in the dark...and snow...
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