Quilt Retreat: A,B,C; 1,2,3; Baby, you and me.

You know that feeling you get when you slowly realize you're into a project that's WAY over your head? That's how I started to feel around letter G.

It took me all weekend, but I managed to finish all the letters of the paper-pieced alphabet for the new quilt I'm working on.

And this is a picture of the baby quilt I started for Shirley Jean about two years ago when I was pregnant with her. Thanks, Kristi, for helping with the binding!

This ABC Quilt is brought to you by the number four.

Tailgators (Get it? Like Aligators?)

I am that jerk who pulls over to the side of the road to let you pass if you're following me too close.
I'm not sure why that makes *me* the jerk, though.

Spam

I just got an email whose subject line read: Do You Love Low-Priced Company?
What, interweb, could that mean???
Maybe I should have opened it.
Typically, if it's in my spam account and says something like, "Cheep Car for U," or "Erin D., US Cittzan," and it's from someone like Lunda Juhnson, I just delete. You know?

Shopping

Why shouldn't I be using anti-aging products on my "young" skin right now? I want my skin to stay young.
Follow my logic?
CoverGirl, you are a clever machine.

If Only

If only my washer and dryer were upstairs.
I would do laundry all. the. dog. gone. time.
I would be the laundry queen.
I would be the laundry master.
I would be the laundry monster.
If only I had an elevator to the basement.
If only the dishes were enchanted and loaded themselves into the dishwasher.
If only my floor was self-vaccuuming.
Then I would be really happy.

Hini Weenie

Today I was talking with a friend and she said, "You know, this flu thing is completely out of the blue. I wish they had said something on the news!"
Which leads me to my post for today:
I've turned into a bit of a germo-phobe in the last couple of weeks.
I DON'T WANT TO CATCH THE FLU!!!
And, apparently if I go to HudWis or River Falls, I will catch the flu. No offense, guys, but it seems like everyone on that side of the river is sick!
When I tell people this, they say, "Oh, yeah...you don't want to risk it with the pregnancy."
Yeah, yeah...that's it.
Actually, it's a completely selfish act of self-preservation: after the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy I learned that caring for a toddler when you feel like you-know-what (and I'm not talking about Lord Voldemort) is the worst.
So, we'll come back to HudWis when I stop seeing FB status updates that say things like, "Sooooo sick." "Got dressed today." and "Lord, just take me now."

p.s. WASH YOUR HANDS!

Mantiqueing.

Once a week (or so), Richard and Nick go "man-tique-ing." They describe it as, "What girls do when they go to antique shops...but insteat of antique shops, we go to pawn shops."

Makes sense to me.

They've only had to refuse to buy heroine once and as far as I know neither of them has purchased an engagement ring or a gun.

Are we at a different altitude?

Apparently baking cookies in Wausau requires actual measuring as opposed to my patented "Willy Nilly Bake Method" that has been so successful at home.
For the record, I'd like to point out that every. single. cookie. disappeared off this tray after I took the picture.

She finally caved.

For the Love Lauren.

Manly Men

Richard and my dad left on Tuesday morning to go to Glenrock, Wyoming on an antelope hunting trip. They are tent camping and doing stuff that manly men do in the woods for almost two weeks!
I just checked the weather forecast for that area of the country...it's gonna be cold.
This is what's on my mind today.
I'm praying that they have a wonderful time and that they are safe and manage to stay warm.
In the mean time, Shirley and I are "camping out" in Wausau. If you're in the area, give a call. :)

*Update*
I just got the following text messages from Richard:
Crazy day. We got permission to hunt on land owned by the brother of a lady named Shirley [last name]. And... your dad had a disaster blind date with her in 1978.

WHuuuT?!? Hahahahaha!

I've no one to blame but myself.

So...after spending an hour and a half on the Sallie Mae website last night and a solid hour on the phone with Sallie Mae this morning, imagine my embarrassment and exasperation when I realized I no longer owe Sallie Mae any money.
If you're interested, the phone number for Federal Direct Loan Servicing is 1-800-557-7392. They were happy to talk about the money I still owe them.

Free to be Me.

Richard: This is funny. You can get a Hummer for like $13,000.
Erin: We should get one. I've been wanting something with more guts.
Richard: I don't think it would be a smart purchase.
Erin: You never just let me be myself.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?

Some of us have used Vicks VapoRub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why. To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks VapoRub generously on the soles of your feet, cover with socks, and the heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

I'm here to tell you, it works.
My mom sent me this information in an email this morning, since life at our house has come to a complete standstill due to Shirley's nasty cold.
I am pleased to say that I applied VapoRub to SJ's feet at 1:43 this afternoon for her nap (I was very scientific about it and wanted to be as accurate as possible, so I checked the clock carefully!), and she has been sleeping soundly ever since, which, after our night last night, is a welcome respite.
Does anybody know how or why it works?

A Birthday Every Day

How is it possible that out of 515 friends on Facebook, some days (like today) three or even four of my friends have birthdays and other days, none of my friends have birthdays?
I have wondered this frequently over the last couple of years.
I think, when I reach the point that I have enough friends that one of them has a birthday every day of the year, it's time to be done on the ol' social network.
Thoughts?

Clues that you have reached adulthood:

-You run out of things like bread and milk instead of throwing them away because they've gone bad.
-Many of your friends on facebook have pictures of their children as profile pictures instead of themselves.
-You have a picture of your child/ren as your profile picture instead of yourself.
-You need to visit the chiropractor after going bowling.

Just some thoughts for this Sunday afternoon.

Iron Chef Roseville

Last night, after reading an FB post that a friend had been eating a lot of spaghetti, I HAD. TO. HAVE. spaghetti.
Of course, we didn't have any sauce...so I made my own.
In the time it took for the water to boil and the pasta to cook, I created a masterpiece:
-One can diced tomatoes
-Lots of salt
-Lots of garlic salt
-A tiny bit of minced garlic
-A dash of basil
-A very large amount of oregano (who took the oregano shaker top, by the way?)
-Some onion powder
-Lots of cayenne pepper
-A dash of black pepper
-A splash of olive oil
Simmer and stir while pasta cooks.
DELICIOUS! FANTASTIC! WONDERFUL!
I rule.

Try Again

Richard: Woah. If you dial 1-800-Geek-Squad you get a lady saying dirty stuff.
Erin: Are you sure you dialed the right number?
Richard: Pretty sure.

If Only

If Aldi did photo printing and sold The Real Thing, it would darn near be the perfect store.
Oh, and a Redbox.

Clean House

I used to have house-cleaning routine that I was very happy with.
Then I got pregnant.
Now that I'm starting to feel more like a human and less like a home for an alien-life-form that preys on its victims from the inside out, I can not for the life of me remember what that routine was.

"I will help where help is needed."

At the marriage retreat this weekend, Rich and I dealt with some spiritual warfare in the form of dreams, etc. This is not at all surprising when you think about it--if we go out to "the woods" to focus on our marriage, it's not going to make Satan happy. Right? Right.
Anyway, in the middle of the night, I poked Richard and said, "Can you pray with me?" He, of course, obliged and I went to sleep quickly feeling better.
This morning I said, "Thanks for praying with me last night. It helped a lot."
Rich said, "I prayed with you?"
At least he was willing to help in the moment.

Less is More

Did I feel silly taking this photo at the library this afternoon?

A little.

For Keeps

This weekend, I was reviewing with Richard the weekends coming up in September. All of them are busy.
I said, "I've got a baby shower on the 26th, and I'm pretty sure I'll be in major trouble if I don't take Shirley Jean."
He said, "Oh, so that means you're probably not going to Opening Day with me?"
I said, "No...I didn't realize they were the same day. Is that ok?"
He said, "Yeah, that works out fine. Brian called Opening Day anyway. You can't really mess with it when it's been 'called.'"
I said, "No, that's like, in the Bible."

What difference does it really make?

I drove to Eau Claire last night to have dinner with my parents (because going to the Minnesota State Fair wasn't enough activity for me in one day). While we were at the table, Shirley filled her diaper, which I noticed approximately 60 seconds before my parents.
My mom said, "Erin...do you have really bad gas?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "Did you just...?"
I said, "NO! It's Shirley's diaper! Jeez!"

Nowhere Fast

When Richard says he's going to detail the car, he's not kidding around.

Dear Wisconsonites,

I can NOT believe how emotional I got reading your posts about the first day of school today. (Maybe it's the hormones, but that's not the point.)
I am praying for your children as they start a new year.
Sincerely yours,
Present Erin

Topsy Turvy - Month 3

As you can see, the tomato plant has grown and grown. However, it hasn't been hot enough for many of my grape tomatoes to ripen!

I just hope we can pick these before it snows...

Today's harvest.

Book Review

Julie & Julia : My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell

Synopsis: Forty years after it is written, Julie (our foul-mouthed heroine) decides to cook her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking and then blog about it.

Readability: Easy peasy.

Predictability: Oh, well. You know.

Couldn't Put it Down Factor: I flew through the first half of the book, but then I admit, I grew tired of the whining of the narrator and the detailed descriptions of the food were...nauseating. But maybe that's just me.
Recommend it?: Oh, sure. It was a cute read. Let it be known: I LOVED the movie. LOVED it. Loved it WAY more than the book. I never thought I would say that in my entire life. Ever. The truth is, they changed the movie enough to make me fall in love with the foul-mouthed heroine and thoroughly enjoy the added storyline about Julia Child. Honestly, the book was missing more about the REAL Mrs. Child.

Three out of Five stars. Eh.

The reason I am careful not to ride in people's blind spots is because they can't see me.
Take heed.

Insert Foot in Mouth

Do you think extroverts have to make more apologies than introverts?
Someone should do a study on that.

Oregon Trail

Richard is on a long road trip this week for work.
This morning I got a text that said, "I'm coming up on the Missouri River. What do I do? Ford the River? Caulk seams and float? Or pay for a ferry?"
Then later, "You got a snake bite."
Figures.

Luscious Locks

Recently my friend was admiring Shirley's hair.

"I would just kill for this hair," she said. "What happens between here," she said pointing at Shirley, "and HERE??" Holding up a strand of her own hair.

"Men," I said.

When in Rome...

Is it just me, or has the exhaustion level increased at VBS this year, in comparison to last year?
I only have a few rules for my group:
The Cave is after the Marketplace.
We aren't doing science this year.
You are not allowed to touch each other.
Your sash is not a weapon.
You cannot wear your sash on your head.
Your sash is not a sling.
We aren't doing science this year.
You are not allowed to touch each other.
Try to go potty even if you don't have to.
Wash your hands with soap.
The Cave is next.
We aren't doing science this year.
Talk to me like a big boy.
You are not allowed to touch each other.
You don't have to sing, but you may not distract others from worshipping.
Please stay on our blanket.
Do not pinch each other.
Do not hit each other.
Do not pull each other's hair.
You are not allowed to touch each other.
It's time to go to the Cave!

I don't think I'm too demanding.

Check it out.

Finally, something to blog about!

Bow to Your Partner

We went to the drive-in last night with the Borggren's, and had a wonderful time. Richard was thrilled to be able to camp out in the bed of his truck, which was very fun indeed.
When it was finally time to pack up and go home, I realized just how stiff I was from laying in the hard truck.
I climbed down and went between the cars to stretch out. I bent at the waist to stretch out my lower back, which is when my forehead squarely met the radio pole between the cars.
Richard said, "What are you doing??"
As if I did it on purpose.

Topsy Turvy - Week 5

Won't it stink if I do this whole photo-journal of my Topsy Turvy and we only get one tiny, rock solid tomato? Because so far, that's what we have.

Question

If you hit a parked VW Bug, would you leave a note that said,
"Slug bug. No backsies!"?
Just wondering.

Keep up.

"That's what she said," loses most of its hilarity when you have to explain the joke.

Dear New Sofa Bed,

Thanks for that.
Sincerely yours,
Erin
p.s. I think I broke my femur.

It's always the last place you look.

Or at least it shows up once you stop looking...under a sock.

New Living Room

God used our neighbor yesterday to remind me that he loves me. She called to tell us she was "getting rid of some stuff," and did we want to come check it out?
Yes. The answer is always yes.
Waiting for us was an almost-new pull out couch.
Our current couch was truly on its last legs, and, to be honest, wasn't very...fresh.
I am very touched by her generosity.
Now I've just got to figure out how to make the couch and the chair look less insane next to one another.
Methinks more new curtians are in order...

An Exerpt from The Conflict Resolution Handbook

"I feel like everything that happened this morning was your fault," is great example of what not to say to your spouse in a reconciliation attempt.

Dear Uncle Ben's Instant Rice Pudding with Cinnamon and Raisins,

I wrote you a song.
Have a listen:

Uncle Ben's Instant Rice Pudding, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble,
Trés bien ensemble.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That's all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand.

Uncle Ben's Instant Rice Pudding, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble,
Trés bien ensemble.

I need to, I need to, I need to.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I'm hoping you will
Know what I mean.
I love you...

I want you, I want you, I want you.
I think you know by now
I'll get to you somehow.
Until I do I'm telling you so
You'll understand.

Uncle Ben's Instant Rice Pudding, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble,
Trés bien ensemble.

I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand, my Uncle Ben's Instant Rice Pudding.

Give me a call if you want me to sing it to you.
Sincerely yours,
Erin

Book Review

The Club Dumas by Arturo Perez-Reverte
Synopsis: A novel about novel-lovers (Hel-lo! Love at first sentence!). Lucas Corso, a cranky alcoholic Spaniard, is hired to determine the authenticity of an original manuscript of Chapter 46 (or something) of The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas AND the authenticity of a 17th century manual for...er...summoning the devil. As you can imagine lots of excitement ensues.

Readability: Tough. Originally written in Spanish and translated to English, TCD is a challenging read, which was a refreshing change from the murder mysteries I usually blow through. Not so tough, however, that it was unenjoyable. The intricacy of the plot was really impressive. Even now, I can't believe what Perez-Reverte did in 300 short pages.
Predictability: I could NOT figure this one out. You know I love that. To the last SENTENCE, I didn't know where we were going.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: I didn't have trouble putting down The Club Dumas because it was rather involved to read, but believe me when I say that it was NEVER far from my thoughts. It took me 4 days to finish, and they were four well-enjoyed days.
Recommend it?: Y.E.S. To be honest, if I had known, I probably wouldn't have chosen this one because I'm not huge on Satan...you know...but by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late. The saving grace is that the book and story line have very little if nothing to do with Satan and everything to do with Corso. It is surprisingly un-scary, as Perez-Reverte doesn't go into anything to do with spiritual warfare and keeps the focus on Corso's task at hand. Even so, this one really isn't for the faint of heart, but can be read with the same fictional attitude as one would read Demon: A Memoir or Angels & Demons. I would call The Club Dumas a (wonderful!) mystery/thriller with some religious overtones. Period.
Four and half out of Five stars.

Something to think about:

As a writer--or, more aptly--as someone who knows how to correctly spell some common phrases, watching my child learn to speak is incredibly interesting. Enthralling. Terrifying.
Over the past couple of months, Shirley has begun to mimic our speech patterns and intonations perfectly, until recently, when I discovered that she is actually saying words.
The catch is that they aren't real words. They are words as she perceives them.
When heard from across the room, "nope," is "nope." But upon closer inspection, Shirley is not actually saying the English-spelled-out-word "nope." She's saying "ope," or sometimes, "mope." This is interesting to me because the phonetic "puh" sound involves both lips coming together (there's a real name for it), which she has not done at ALL until now. This is the same reason she has yet to say "Mama" (besides the fact that God thinks it's funny to watch me keep trying to teach her to use BOTH of her lips when phrasing sounds to make words). "What's this?" is actually "HUTSiss," "Yep" is actually, "Gep," and "the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain," is ... just kidding.

Tomorrow is another day.

Today was just one of those days. One of those days when the voices of protagonists from my past come alive in my head. The kind of day that starts at 2am when Shirley wakes up screaming, holding her cheeks because her molars are coming in all at once. The kind of day that you go back to bed with the baby during her morning nap even though Richard let you sleep in already, and that protagonist, Mennifer Bial, calls you a loser and you believe her. The kind of day that you scald the baby's already tender mouth with Malt-o-Meal that you thought had cooled. Mennifer Bial calls you cruel and stupid. The kind of day that Mennifer Bial assures you that it really is a $7.99 haircut. And she reminds you that there's laundry waiting, dishes lurking and do you really want Richard to come home to find you wearing an undershirt with your hair a mess, glasses askew and by the way, Shirley is covered in Nutrigrain bar? The kind of day that only french fries will do and Mennifer Bial asks you if you want to be a size 12 again.
I'm not the only one, right?
Right?
I can't be the only one who can take an entire day off, maybe two, without doing anything. Without putting on a bra, without going anywhere, without eating anything before 3pm. I can't be the only one who lets the laundry go and the dishes pile up in the sink, hoping my husband won't notice. I can't be the only one visited by voices of protagonists-past. The only one with a complex about the truth.
Right?

Topsy Turvy - Week 2

Here we are after week two. I have watered every day and had to add 8 more quarts of soil. I don't think this cool weather is doing me any favors!

The Cold Press Experiment

It's no secret how much I enjoy my iced coffee. A couple of weeks ago, my mom brought me this cold-press kit to make your own iced coffee concentrate at home! Cool!
Here's how it works:

Pour one pound of coffee into the filter / bucket thingy with enough cold water to fill to the top.

Allow to sit overnight (10-12 hours).

Remove the rubber stopper and drain coffee into the pitcher

when the coffee has had enough time to steep.
Enjoy!
Store the remaining coffee concentrate in the refridgerator for up to two weeks (if it lasts that long!).

Cool, huh? Come on over! I'll fix you one. :)

An Honest Answer

Recently a question was posed for me:
Big hair, big purse, big boobs, big dreams. If you could only choose one, which would it be?
Let me answer you with a little story:

I met a friend (who shall remain nameless...let's call her Masha) for dinner the other night and handed her Shirley Jean over the table, who immediately reached for Masha's enormous Mountain Dew. Masha responsibly went to move the Mountain Dew out of SJ's reach, when everything went very, very wrong.
The Mountain Dew spilled - nay - exploded all over me. It was like a tidal wave of sticky yellowness that hit my body at first fast, then slow. Fast, because the shock of the cold was stunning, and then slow as I realized how much of me was soaked. It was amazing, really. It defied logic. It defied physics. It defied how much Mountain Dew was actually in the cup.
Instantly, both Masha and I cried, "THE PURSE!"
Instead of hopping out of my seat like a sane person, I sat in a pool of Mountain Dew, felt it soaking through to my underwear, felt it roll down my left leg...until I was assured that the purse would bear no stains.

So...to answer your question, I choose big boobs.

Dear Cold Pressed Breakfast Blend Concentrate that I made on my kitchen counter,

Holy crap, dude.
Let me sleep.
I am THIS close to throwing you away.
Sincerely,
Erin
p.s. I wrote this (in my head) last night around 4am. There is just no fun in being up that late if your vampire boyfriend is not there to join you.

Rules of Engagement: Marriage and the Cold Virus

If one spouse is sick:
-No one sleeps.
-There will not be enough Nyquil to go around.
-There is no such thing as germs. (You share everythingeverythingeverything anyway. Why bother avoiding germs anymore?)

If (when) both spouses are sick:
-No one sleeps.
-Nyquil is not an option because the baby needs a parent who is not hungover in the morning.
-All meals (mostly for the child's benefit) will be made in the microwave.

If both spouses and the baby are sick:
-No one sleeps.
-Mommy is no longer sick even though she's still sick.
-All meals (for the whole family) are yogurt or ice cream. Or Goldfish Crackers.

An Urban Experiment - Topsy Turvy

OK, so it's already been established that I have a thing for infomercials.

So...in the hope of all things "too good to be true," I purchased a Topsy Turvy tomato planter. (Actually, it was a gift from Lauren. Tomato, tomahto.)

I am love the idea of growing my own tomatoes without the trouble of tilling a garden.

Here's what we've got after one week of growth:

It may not look like much, but already, the plant has doubled in size and is reaching toward the sun instead of the ground. I'm pretty excited. Updates to follow!

p.s. Miracle Grow for tomatoes makes your begonias go crazy!

Are you fricking kidding me???

Dearest fashion blog,
Are you fricking kidding me???
Haiku is my schtick!

It all depends on your perspective.

Since I couldn't be with my mom during her surgery today, I decided to send flowers.
After I gave the florist all my info, she said, "What do you want the card to say?"
I was not prepared for this.
"Uh...I dunno," I said. "What do you say to someone who's just had their reproductive parts removed?"
She said, "Um...Congratulations?"

Praise!

Thank you for your prayers!
Mom got out of surgery around 11 this morning. (They started late...shocker, right?)
The doctor was able to leave her ovaries in tact, which is a huge praise.
She is "pretty beat up and tired," according to Dad, but doing ok. She will be in the hospital until Wednesday or Thursday.
Thank you, God for making this as straightforward as we had hoped.

Prayer Request

Tomorrow morning (Monday) at 7:30, my mom, Kathleen, will undergo a hysterectomy.
She will be in the hospital for a couple of days, and home from work for 6 weeks.
Please keep her in your prayers. I will post an update when I know how it goes.
Thank you!





*I have her permission to ask for your prayers.

Wish I had thought of this..

Happy Father's Day, to all my favorite fathers.

You know who you are. :)

Dear Church,

Sorry.
Love,
Erin

Fifteen Books

I so enjoyed writing this list for Facebook that I decided to put it on my blog, too. I'm interested in your fifteen books! Tell me if you make a list. I'll click on over and check it out!

Instructions:
Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, send it along to how ever many people you like, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.

1. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: My all time favorite. Until I read this book, I didn't know writing that weaves in and out of what I know as "real life," was allowed. Changed my life forever.

2. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden: I read this one while I was in Scotland. I thought it was so lovely and sad. I have vivid memories of riding the train to the Isle of Skye, fully engrossed in this novel. Mayhaps I should have been looking out the window? It seems to be my lot in life to be reading when I should be paying attention.

3. The Secret of the Old Clock, a Nancy Drew Mystery by Carolyn Keene: My first mystery. It sparked a love for all things heart-pounding.

4. Moby Dick by old Herman Melville: I finished it. You have no idea what that meant for me.

5. Emily of New Moon by Lucy Maude Montgomery: I read it on the ride from Norman, Oklahoma to Hudson, Wisconsin the summer after 4th grade. That's the sort of thing that sticks with you. It's the only book I can think of that I've ever read more than once. Also, it's WAAAAAAY better than Anne of Green Gables.

6. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby: Another one I read in Scotland. My semester abroad was an unadulterated opportunity to read purely for enjoyment. I correlate High Fidelity with happiness. Ironic?

7. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck: I got goosebumps just typing out the title. Read my senior year in high school. Sad, lovely, touching and epic.

8. My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers: The spirit of the living God dwells in Chambers' writing. Life changing. Period.

9. Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare: Does a play count? Anyway, I take it back, I've read this one more than once.Tried and true, and still one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

10. Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood: Not a popular favorite of Atwood's, but I was entranced (entranced, I tell you!) from word one. The quilts, the violence, the sad, bleak future. Ah, God.

11. The Harry Potter series by JK Rowling: I am seventeen, burrowed under my covers in a new house in a new place reading by dim light.

12. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: Teen angst. Don't judge, but I thought this book was written for ME.

13. A is for Alibi by Sue Grafton: Wait, they put sex in books? I can't believe my mom let me read this one. I distinctly remember nipples and a trailer park.

14. Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss: The beginning of my love for the written word.

15. Inside Out by Larry Crabb: I have never finished this book. I don't wanna talk about it.

This was hard. And took a lot longer than 15 minutes!

An Introvert's Birthday

Happy 30th Birthday, Richard!

I had a nice birthday party all planned out for Richard, and was all set to send out the invitations about two weeks ago when Richard stopped me.

"Erin, giving me a birthday party is like giving me an anti-birthday present."

We'll be celebrating Richard-style, at home, quietly enjoying eachother's company. :)

Kujo Cat

Yesterday as Jodi came in the house, she said, "Erin? Do you want me to let this cat in?"

Since my cat was on the couch with me, I said, "Um...no...?"

Apparently, this mystery cat wanted a new home. Brian and Jodi described it to me as a brown cat with a half-tail.

I said, "I think that's the cat Kitty fights with from down the street--is he really fat?"

"No, he's REALLY skinny."

"Hmmm..."

A few minutes later, Brian said, "There he is! Look out the window!"

I leaned over the hamper to look out Shirley's window and at that exact moment, a brown cat with blue eyes came FLYING at me. First his paws, then his face hit the (thankfully) closed window in one crazed fluid motion, and then he disappeared completely.

I screamed bloody murder, but to no avail. No one saw Kujo Cat try to attack me. They were all very polite, but I'm not sure they believe me, even know.

I almost died, people.

Kujo Cat spent the rest of the day trying to get in the house, but this morning he was gone.

Do you think I should contact Stephen King? Maybe let him know that Kujo is actually a cat, not a dog?

Minivan Mama

Dear Other Cars,
What am I? Chopped liver?
I was not aware that driving a minivan changes my driving status to: Invisible.
Go ahead. You've got places to be.
Sincerely,
Erin
p.s. Start seeing minivans!

The glories of self-taught "web design..."

A great way to revamp your blog:
Save your existing template to your desktop.
Chicken out of the revamp.
Re-load your saved template only to discover that all your links and widgets are missing.
Decide to go with an all-peacock theme.
Fiddle with the template and dabble with html code for HOURS.
Go to bed at 3am.

Thoughts on Mowing the Lawn

I don't think I have had the occasion to mow the lawn since I was about 15 years old. It was an enjoyable experience overall, and I had a lot of time to think.
Here are my thoughts:
Mowing after a long bike ride may not have been the most well thought out plan.
Self-propelling lawn mowers are an inspiration from God.
I don't remember mowing the lawn being such a dirty job.
Mowing the lawn is a lot more fun when somebody offers to pay you.
The time to think will inspire millions of blog and status update ideas, but the physical exertion will shove them right out of your head.
I am glad my husband does most of the dirty yardwork!

A good idea...apparently.

Wouldn't you love to be the guy who said to his friend, "There are hundreds of hours of game show footage just sitting in storage. We should show game show reruns...on a game show CHANNEL...no, a Game Show NEWTORK."

Green?

I'm turning so green I just reused a zip-lock bag.
Or does that just make me old?

Soooooo Pretty

It all started when I got my Ulta catalog in the mail last week. Apparently they are now selling Benefit cosmetics. Big woop, right?

Well.

Little known fact about Erin: I really like playing with makeup. I know, right??? You have no idea how much I actually wear. It's not pretty under here.

Anyway.

One of Benefit's products interested me, so I went to check it out. I asked the girl wearing the smock to tell me about it and before I knew it, I was in a chair getting a full face of makeup making, "ah," and "ooh," and "I love it!" and "pretty!" noises. I left the makeover chair (conveniently and humiliatingly placed IN the entrance of the store) feeling very pretty and as if I could really do the face she taught me on my own at home (Ok, I lied before. I enjoy makeup, but don't wear much and new techniques intimadate me.). She only used FOUR products and I thought that was pretty cool.

I walked around the store for another half hour with over $100 (ONE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS.) worth of makeup in my basket. I found the same exact products from Neutrogena and CoverGirl, and paid $14 at the register, thankyouverymuch.

Of course, I had a moment of panic as I wondered if I would be able to get the same effect at home with a different product of an inherently lesser quality--I mean, the quality HAD to be less because the cost was less, right?

Well. It's 12:34 now, and I've spent the last 12 or so hours doing laundry, making dinner, changing diapers and wrestling with a toddler; and the nineteen-dollar-mascara* has smeared all over my twenty-eight-dollar foundation.

I think I made the right choice.

*NINETEEN dollars for MASCARA!!!

Sales girl: I mean, the mascara is a totally reasonable price! It's not even that much more expensive than L'Oreal! I think their most expensive mascara is, like, $10.

Erin: So...it's approximately twice as much?

Sales girl: Um...yeah.

Erin: Ooh! Ahh! Pretty! I love it!

There are starving kids in China!

Food I have thrown out in the last 24 hours:
-one-half of a graham cracker
-two eggs (scrambled)
-two animal crackers
-seven Goldfish crackers
-8+ ounces of milk (white, vitamin D)
-Organic Baby Harvest Greens (3oz)
-4 ounces of juice (V8 Splash)
-at least two handfuls of Cheerios

I guess I never realized how much food a mommy throws away in the course of a day.

p.s. Methinks it's time to start pouring smaller cups of milk!
p.p.s. I don't ALWAYS throw away the uneaten Cheerios...I'm starting to think those things could survive a nuclear holocaust.
p.p.p.s. TWO EGGS! What was I thinking making TWO eggs???

Whatcha buyin'?

There are few things quite so intimate, nay, intrusive as checking out the items in somebody else's cart.
I'm not wrong on this.

Red for Richard!

[Afternoon.]
Erin: Richard, henceforth, for the remainder of our days as husband and wife, your toothbrush shall be RED.
Richard: What if I want blue?
Erin: No, Red. Red for Richard.
Richard: No, Blue. Blue for Boy.
Erin: Do you WANT blue?
Richard: No.
Erin: Ok then, Red for Richard.

[Bedtime.]
Richard: Hey, which toothbrush is mine? Blue, right?
Erin: Yeah.
[longpause]
Erin: NO!

Book Review

Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
Synopsis: Um...Endless love, broken hearts, clueless parents and a mediocre heroine. Not to mention more pools of golden, shimmering topaz in his ever-loving eyes. Bleck.

Readability: Easy. I'm glad it's over.
Predictability: Ok. I had PARTS figured out, but scene after scene, I could NOT believe where the author was taking me. This one just got weirder and weirder for me. I would have predicted the end, but I would NOT have expected the roller coaster to get there.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: 700 pages this time. I read fast just to get it over with. One-third of the way through Breaking Dawn, I hit my limit. I kept reading just to find out what was going to happen.

Recommend it?: If you're going to read the first three, you pretty much have to read this one. Just don't be mad at me when you feel like you wasted a week and almost 3000 pages of your life.
Three out of Five stars. For the first half of the book. I'm still impressed with the author. Her imagination farrrrr exceeds my own. I never would have been able to come up with this kind of story line.

Can I just go on record as saying that Bella, the heroine, is a dullard? I felt like I was leading Bella around by the nose through all four books. Let me know if you feel the same way.

All in all, I enjoyed myself and haven't been this enthused to spend my time reading in quite a while, but I think I jumped in head first with the Twilight series, and let myself expect too much.

Just like most of my college boyfriends. (Excepting Richard, obviously.)

p.s. I write this knowing full well that MANY readers will disagree with my review. So sue me.

***Spoiler alert! There are spoilers in the comments section of this post. Sorry if it's too late for you already.***

Book Review

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

Synopsis: More star-cros'd. More reluctant monsters. More love lost. Ohhhhhhhhhh, Jacob. [Tear.] (That last comment was for those of you who've read the series. You know what I mean.)
Readability: Easy. I enjoyed this one the most so far. By a mile.

Predictability: I went from guessing the plot lines in the first novel, to being pleasantly surprised in the second to not knowing ANYTHING in this third. LOVE that!

Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Yet another 600 pages in under 12 hours. I even tried to pace myself this time so I wouldn't run out of reading material. I couldn't stop. I couldn't focus on my real life. I was completely enthralled in Eclipse. (I waited to post a review so that you wouldn't think I was too crazy. It's probably too late for that.)
Recommend it?: Doi. Read the others first. Please.

Four out of Five stars. I have to say, I'm impressed with Stephenie Meyer. I thought I was too clever for this silly vampire love story, but I am completely, irrevocably in love. It's too late for me. Save yourselves. Or don't. Enjoyyyyyyyyy Edward's smoldering eyes and Jacob's passionate growls. (I'm so not kidding around here.)

World's Hardest Watermelon.

Book Review

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Synopsis: Star-cros'd lovers. Poor Edward is a reluctant vampire. Bella is even more in love with her eternally damned boyfriend, and her relationship with long-time family friend, Jacob Black develops. I don't dare say anything else...

Readability: This book was really difficult and challenging. Just kidding.

Predictability: This one was a little more unexpected for me. I really wasn't sure how this one would turn out. That's always a pleasure.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Another 600 pages in under 12 hours. I'm sorry Shirley.

Recommend it?: Obviously. But not before you read Twilight.
Four out of Five stars. I liked this one better, but I am star-cros'd myself. I just don't know who to cheer for anymore. Sigh... I have to go. I have more reading to do.

208

Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?
-Job 12:12

The cold fluorescent lights didn't match the overheated ER suite.
"Shirley? Are they taking me upstairs soon?"
"Yeah, Ma. Soon. They're waiting to hear from the doctor."
"Will it be an odd-numbered room?"
The nurse with the purple glasses bustled through the curtain. "Ok, sweetie, ready to go upstairs?"
"Is it an odd-numbered room?"
"I think so," said the nurse. "Don't worry. It's not 208."
"Please make it an odd-numbered room. Just not room 208."
"Why not 208?" I asked, knowing the answer as soon as the question was out of my mouth.
"That's where her husband died."
And just like that I felt like a stranger in my own family.

Book Review

*

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Synopsis: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan fall irrevocably in love the instant their eyes meet across the Forks High School cafeteria. Their love is heart stopping. and filled with many sorrowful glances, pained expressions and "pools of love in his golden eyes." (I made that up, but basically, it's true.)There's just one problem: Edward is a VAMPIRE!

Readability: Easy peasy. In fact, the first 20 pages, I thought, "How do people get this dribble published?" And...the rest is history.

Predictability: Oh, well...you know. It's a high school vampire love story. What do you expect? Really.

Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Could. Not. Stop. Reading. There is something SO magnetic about this book that I really and truly couldn't put it down. (I'm so ashamed! Don't tell my lit professors!) I read 600 pages in 12 hours. I would have read faster if I didn't have a husband and daughter ifyouknowwhatimean.
Recommend it?: Yes. Yes. YES. I'm ashamed of how emphatically I want you to read this book. I LOVED it.

Three out of Five stars--because of the poor writing. One star for Edward. {sigh} One for a really exciting story line. And the last for the fact that there are THREE MORE BOOKS!!!

*Please note that the photo accompanying this book review isn't the book cover, like I usually post. It's a photo of Edward Cullen. My boyfriend. I haven't had the hots for a literary character like this since...well, ever.

Sigh...

50

Happy Birthday (weekend), Mom!!!

I love you very much.

p.s. You are very good at staying out of the camera's way. This is the ONLY photo I have of you holding SJ since Christmas!

Home Improvements

Richard, his bother, Jeff and his girlfriend, Sam (Jeff's girlfriend, not Rich's...) painted our fence last weekend.
I'm only sorry I didn't get a photo of my three little Tom Sawyers out there! They worked so hard and did such a great job!

Before.

After.

Doesn't it look nice??

Note to self:
Beware of junker cars with Nascar stickers in their windows.
Those guys got nothin' to lose.

GPS

Mom: I found one of SJ's pacifiers.
Erin: I'll send her over to get it.
Mom: How will she be arriving?
Erin: By walker.
Mom: Be sure to send the GPS.

Look what I did today!

Surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated it would. The worst part was hearing the needle crunch through my flesh.
I'm pretty excited about it.
Yes, that's blood.
I'm such a badass.

Yesterday I completely forgot to check the blogs.
WHAT?!
I know, right?

What? How? Why? How?

I just picked up a po.ta.to off the bathroom floor.

I like coming home to this.

HMD*

Happy Mother's Day, blogworld!
Your Mommyblogs lift me up every day.
I think you are wonderful mothers and I am proud to call you my friends.
If we were headed into battle, this is what our General would say:
Wipe those noses!
Make those meals!
Write those checks!
Drive those minivans!
Hold those hands!
Blow those kisses!
Snuggle those sniffles!
Rub those backs!
Sing those songs!
Pick up those messes!
Give those baths!
Pray those prayers!
RAISE UP THOSE DISCIPLES!!!

Onward and upward, fellow Mommies.
Onward and upward.
We are in this together.


*Not Her Majesty's Dreamboat.

My name is Erin...

It's 2am and I'm shopping for purses on eBay.
I can't hide it anymore. I have a purse sickness. An addiction.
I. Can't. Stop.
I bought my first Coach purse my senior year of high school (gray, shoulder strap, magnetic closure) and since then I have lost count of how many handbags I own. I'm not kidding. Instead of counting sheep, I count purses.
There is just something about that soft, fragrant leather that I am completely unable to walk away from.
[Leeeaaaaathhhhhherrrrrrrr...]
Where was I?
While we were in Florida, we went to the Coach store, and many handbags were an additional 50% off.
I don't mind telling you, interweb, I cried.
I ran around the store with no less than seven purses on my arms, modeling for the mirror, asking strangers which ones they liked best. It was better than DisneyWorld.
Lately, I've been dipping my e-toes in the REALLY expensive purses. The Fendi and Louis Vuitton's out there. (Did you know that only one store in Minnesota carries Louis Vuitton?)
I'm willing to start small. Buy vintage. We can make this work.

Other people drink. Smoke. Snort. Eat. Gamble.
Some people shop. For purses.
Someone help me.


p.s. My bags have names.
p.p.s. I am only admitting this to you all now, because you know me well enough by now to know that my purse addiction doesn't mean I'm a jerk. Or materialistic. Or a snot. Really. I just can't help myself.
p.p.p.s. StoptalkingErin.

p.p.p.p.s. Will you still be my friend?

That ain't right.

Here we are going home from Hudson on I-94.
Methinks it may be time for a new compass.

Of course it rained today...

...on the day I worked so hard to straighten my hair.
Having long hair is a new experience for me.
It's very easy to just put it in a mommy-tail and go.
Does anybody have any tips for a pretty, mommy-friendly, long-hair-challenged gal?

CrunchSplat!

This weekend, Mom and I were running around and I had to stop at McDonald's to return a movie to the Redbox.
We decided to get a treat while we were there. We settled on our order before I ran in.
Erin: I'm going to get a coffee thingy with whipped cream.
Mom: I want a small iced tea and a small ice cream cone.
Erin: Ok, be right back.
Mom: Can you carry all of that?
Erin: Mom, I'm a mom now. I can do anything.

Well, you can guess what happened to her cone.

Congratulations, Richard!

Dear Richard,

You cannot fathom how proud I am of you.

God will bless your hard work, my love.

I love you so very much and respect the man you are and the man God is leading you to be.

All my love,

E.

Note to self:
Shortening your bra straps brings your breasticles back up where they belong.

(Much like love that lifts us up where we belong...)