Misshapen

I am finally able to write about this without crying, cussing or grimacing (mostly).
Four to six weeks ago, I went to get my eyebrows threaded (if you don't know what that means, google it).
Now, let me just say that getting my eyebrows done is a pretty frivolous expense for me since I really don't have a lot of eyebrows to work with. Essentially, my eyebrows are clear. BUT, I can't see to do my own very well (because I am 70 years old), so it's nice to put my face in the hands of a professional.
So...like I said, four to six weeks ago, I went to get my eyebrows threaded. We had walked around the mall with some friends and stopped for a treat at McDonald's (for Shirley: a strawberry milkshake and for me: an iced coffee) on our way to the eyebrow threading place.
Upon arriving, I told Shirley not to spill her ice cream and please be quiet, we'll be done in a minute, right before I spilled most of my enormous iced coffee all over the floor.
The threading lady said, "There is a SIGN! No food allowed!"
I said, "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"
She said, "There's a SIGN! You spilled your coffee on the floor!"
I said, "I'm so sorry!"
She said, "THERE'S A SIGN!"
I said, "I didn't see the sign! I'm so sorry!"
She said, "NO FOOD ALLOWED!"
I said, "Well, it's TOO LATE NOW! Do you want me to clean it up or WHAT?"
She then proceeded to hand me ONE paper towel.
From there, the details are hazy, but I distinctly remember her snatching the pink milkshake out of stunned Shirley's hand and setting it on a faraway counter.
And after that, I got in her chair and let her decimate my face.
I don't know why I did it, but I think I was just so embarrassed and startled that she would shriek at me the way she did that I just got in the chair to make it stop.
So for the last four to six weeks I have had to bear the shame of not seeing the NO FOOD ALLOWED sign and spilling my coffee on the floor ...in the middle of my face.

Happy Mother's Day!

Book Review

The Girl Who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen
Synopsis: When her mother unexpectedly dies, sixteen year old Emily goes to live with her grandfather. Here's the thing, though: she didn't even know she had a grandfather, let alone an eight-foot grandfather living in the strangely magical town of Mullaby, North Carolina until she was orphaned. While there she makes a few special friends and begins to learn the secrets about the sleepy barbecue town and her mother's silent past.
Readability: Easy. Charming. I really like SAA's style. I reviewed her book, Garden Spells a few months ago. I love the way she weaves a little bit of magic into an every day kind of story.

Predictability: I didn't really know what was going to happen, but if forced to guess, I probably would have figured it out. I'm ok with that.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: I had a hard time getting in to this one, but once I got going, I was hooked. Sometimes I think I lose something of the story when I devour it so fast. Alas, I may never know what it's like to savor a book. I don't have that kind of self control. It took me a week to read the first fifty pages and 36 hours to read the last 200.
Recommend it?: Yeah, though not as highly as Garden Spells. I felt, like with GS that the author only took it so far, when it really could have developed into a masterpiece. That being said, I highly enjoyed it. There is no violence or bad language, but there is one sexy scene--fair warning to my more tender-hearted readers. This wasn't the kind of book that I finished and said, "THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!" But I did finish and say, "That was fun. Glad I picked this one up." It was sweet, satisfying, and perfect for a road trip over Easter weekend. So there.

Three out of five stars. Very well written, but again, I feel like she stops just short of really developing the story and characters. Some of you nerds out there will know what I mean when I compare her style to that of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He weaves magic into seemingly mundane stories, making them sparkle. SAA does that, but without the plot and character development that would take 200+ more pages, which, I'm not sure the average reader is looking for. Keep in mind, GGM is a difficult author, and I enjoy the light-hearted feel of SAA's novels. In many ways she is the best of both worlds. I just keep wishing for a little more.

OPEN! SESAME!

I had to take this picture in my kitchen because the one I tried to take in the car in the dark in the Wal-Mart parking lot didn't turn out very well. I can honestly say, I don't even really like chocolate, but the chocolate I DO like and crave...well...ain't nothin' gonna stand in my way.

Richard's Theory of Relativity

If every light socket in the house has a working lightbulb, (at least) one must burn out immediately.
There shall never be a time when all lightbulbs are completely functional.

Book Review

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Synopsis: In the summer of 1931, Jacob Jankowski runs away with the circus. That's all I'm giving you.
Readability: Not hard...as in challenging. There were a few scenes that were difficult to stomach. This one is pretty gritty, folks.
Predictability: I didn't know. I didn't know. I just didn't know what was around every corner. You know I love that. This subject was so unfamiliar to me that I honestly didn't know what was coming next. There were some major surprises for me in this story. That being said, the ending was FANTASTIC.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Bah. I have been angonizing over how to answer this question. Here's the thing: while I was reading, I was completely captivated and didn't want to stop reading. When I did stop reading and thought about the book, I thought, "This is so dumb! Why am I reading this?!" I struggled with this dilemma through 300 pages.
Recommend it?: Um. I honestly don't know whether or not to recommend this. It's a very satisfying and enthralling read, but it is awfully gritty. There is quite a bit of sexiness, animal stuff that's hard to read, and a fair amount of language. This may bother some of my more fair-hearted readers. That being said, I think I enjoyed this one. I'm pretty sure. I really, really liked the ending. The ending made made it all worth while. So...if you're reading it and you're thinking, "Why did I get into this? What was I thinking?" Just remember what I said: the ending makes it all worth while. Though I can't honestly say, "The ending makes you feel like everything is right with the world." I'm so conflicted. I will say, however, that sometimes there are books that I say, "Why did the author do this or that? I would have done it this or that way." I never once thought that while reading this novel.
Three out of five stars. Very well written, interesting, and a good ending. I'm so conflicted.

The Extrovert and the Rule-Follower

Today I babysat my goddaughter, Natalie, for most of the day. Her mother and I have been friends for over twenty years.
At nap time, I couldn't help but laugh when I reminded them that they needed to stop talking and go to sleep. All three of us knew that Shirley was the instigator and Natalie was way too polite to tell her to just shut up already.
It's all so bizarrely familiar.

Richard and the Purple Crayon

Resemble, much?

Book Review

The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Synopsis: Three women in 1963 Jackson, Mississippi couldn't possibly be living more different lives. Aibileen, a black maid and nurse for the white Leefolt family has raised seventeen white children. Skeeter, a twenty-two year old white woman returns home after graduating from college to discover that life in Jackson is not what she once thought. And Minny is another black maid and mother of five known for her wonderful cooking and mouthy attitude. These women decide to work on a project so socially offensive, that it literally endangers their lives. This is the story of each of these women, their work together and the strange kinship that blooms between them.

Readability: Not the easiest read. The dialect is challenging, to say the least, and this book is surprisingly long. Or maybe it just felt that way since there were so many words on every single page. (If you read it, you will understand exactly what I mean.)
Predictability: We know what happens in the South in the early sixties, we know how race relations were in Jackson, Mississippi at that time, but that is ALL that is predictable. I was so drawn in and so in love with each of the characters, that it was as if they were real, and just like in real life, you just never know what's around the corner.

Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Here's the thing. This book is completely heart-wrenching. Every word tugs at your heart. It was so intense at times that I longed to put it down just to get a break, only to spend the time I wasn't reading, thinking about what I was missing. To me this is the mark of a truly wonderful novel: it feels as if it lives and breathes on its own, and when you put it down, you are taking the chance of missing something.
Recommend it?: Y.E.S. Hands down, one of the best books I have read in a long time. Perhaps ever. And I've read a lot of books. This novel was gentle, delicate, gut-wrenchingly sad, at times laugh-out-loud funny, and the kind of thing you fall in love with so deeply that you want to wrap it up and protect it under your coat. I admit, I have a thing for historical fiction, but the way Stockett has woven these women's lives together, yet kept them completely separate is, I believe, something to behold. I cried, I laughed, I feared for their lives and safety, I celebrated their victories, and was completely drawn into Southern culture with all the intensity of a Mississippi summer and surprise one-liners of an author who knows we need a break, even if it's only for just a second.

Five out of five stars. No question. I would read it again if I thought I could handle it. Clean language and some violence, though not graphic.

Go out and get it today. Do not stop. Do not pass go.

AIDS

That's totally the same.

This St. Patrick's Day, we have a bit of advice when it comes to artificially green-colored beers: Just say no.
Instead, start a new, healthier tradition—sipping spinach through a straw.

Thanks, Bally Weekly Newsletter. Sounds delish.  

A neverending source of joy.

Last week, I was changing Baby Richard's diaper when he reached between his legs and grabbed his Little Gentleman.
His entire face lit up and he looked at me as if to say, "Did you know this was here?!"
Yes. I knew.
I love him.


I did not post this at the BabyBlog. There's a reason for that.

Food for thought.

Dieting via text message.

Lauren: I don't want to go to the gym.
Erin: You should go. I want to lose two pounds this week. I'm on drive thru lockdown.
Lauren: What if you run through the drive thru?
Erin: See you there at 5:30.
Lauren: K.

Food Mill

Non-mommy readers: I'm sorry, but this extra long post will probably bore you.

Mothers of more than one son: How do you afford to feed them?!?
My boy eats like it's going out of style. Like there's no tomorrow. Like every meal may be his last. I'm starting to think that he would be content to sit in his high chair all day long as long as I offered him food every ten minutes.
As you can imagine, I've been giving a lot of money to Gerber in order to sustain this growing boy, so I thought I might try something new.
A couple of weeks ago I went out and bought a food mill. I steamed (the heck out of) 6-8 carrots (peels on) and two enormous sweet potatoes (peeled). I then ran them through the food mill and froze them in one ounce portions, which just happen to fit perfectly in ice cube trays. *I am the first mother in the world to think of this.*

Once frozen, I popped them out and put them in two-ounce portions in air-tight containers. They now reside in the freezer. 30 seconds in the microwave and Richard has a meal so filling he can hardly eat an additional jar of fruit (though he TRIES).
I think baby food companies must add quite a bit of water to their food to get a texture that appeals to Baby. Richard was indeed very sad the first time I offered him this new food. I think the issue is texture. I've found that if I add just a little water and a little cereal, it is a lot more palatable to him and he gobbles it up.
The whole project cost me about $3 and two hours (beside the $10 for the food mill). I can't believe I haven't been doing this all along. I ended up with sixteen meals for the Bairn, which alone has been worth the effort. By my calculations, 16 jarred baby food *meals* (at two jars per meal) cost approximately $16, or more, depending on the day. I sincerely wish I had been doing this for the last six months! Now he's almost a year old and about ready to give up baby food! I wanted to post about it so that other mommies don't waste time and money like I did! I will be doing another batch in the next week, and I saw green beans at Aldi last week, so we'll see how that goes. I also have some radishes in the fridge that need to be eaten up. But would that be mean? :) Mixed with cauliflower? Or carrots? I think he'd dig it. I have also used the food mill on things like chicken and wild rice soup. He LOVED it. I still buy jars for going out and green veggies and fruits. At this time of year, green vegetables and most fruits are not cost effective to do myself. And for when we are eating away from home, the convenience of pre-jarred baby food is totally worth it to me.
Have any of my readers done this? I'm open to tips and ideas.

The checkout lady said it happens all the time.

Last night, Shirley and I went on an adventure to buy a snail for Fishmael's tank.
We had a great time looking at all the fishies, rats, mice, snakes and hamsters at the pet store.
We made our purchases and cruised back around to look at the fish one more time and Shirley promptly wet her pants.
One minute we were watching the eels dance and the next minute she was walking around like a little cowgirl.
I thought it might be a cold ride home for Shirley, but she cheerfully told me all about while sitting on a plastic bag and some paper towels, munching on a dog cookie.

Another VERY close call.

Erin: Shirley, do you want fish sticks for dinner?
Shirley [looks at Fishmael]: What?! Mama, Fishmael is not a stick! You silly goofy.
Erin [sweating bullets]: Chicken, then! Let's have chicken.

SHIRLEY! NINETY-SEVEN! GO!

Shirley and I had a very stern talk yesterday about touching outlets. Today, Baby Richard and I had the same talk. Now Shirley feels smug and superior while Baby's feelings are hurt.
I can't help but feel like I'm repeating myself an awful lot. Not to mention, if Shirley is still inclined to touch outlets, and I'm just starting to teach Richard now...I may be saying this for a long time. Follow me?
I am thinking of writing these oft-repeated mom-isms down, almost like a playbook.
For instance,
Rule #1: Obey the first time you are asked.
Rule #2: No whining.
Rule #3: Don't hit.
Rule #4: Don't touch outlets.
So on and so forth...
Then, when I'm in the middle of something, I can just call out, "Shirley! SEVENTEEN!" And she'll jump up and make dinner.

Call me Fishmael.

Meet the newest member of our family, Fishmael.
We adopted him almost two weeks ago, and he has been a joy and delight ever since! He is a Siamese Fighting Fish or Betta Splendens, and must be in his tank alone, because he won't back down from a fight! He follows my finger all along his tank and puffs himself up as if he's really going to get me.
I really felt inclined to get a Betta because they are so abused in pet stores. There are many misconceptions about Betta fish, because they are a very hardy fish and thereby hard to kill. They essentially have a lung that they use in addition to their gills and take a lot of oxygen from the surface of the water. Because of this, they are able to live in putrified, polluted, ammonia-water long after any other fish would have died. Because of this, many people think they can thrive in small bowls of water with little or no oxygen, when what really happens is that they burn to death in their own ammonia waste products.
Another common false belief is that Bettas can live in a bowl underneath a water plant and will eat off its roots. This also is not true. Bettas need protein to survive, and a plant offers no protein, so they slowly starve to death in planted bowls, in slightly less disgusting water. A starved Betta will nibble at the roots of any plant, looking for food, but don't be deceived! A Betta needs clean, oxygenated water and a high-protein diet in teeny, tiny portions. I am so happy to offer a better home to this beautiful creature of God.
Anyway, meet Fishmael. :)

And then I broke out in cold sweat.

Shirley: Daddy, I can have more chicken?
Richard: Sure, but this isn't chicken. This is...
Erin: Don't do it.
Rich: ...PIG!
SJ: What?
Erin: Nooooo...not tonight.
SJ: Daddy! This is meat.
Rich: No, it's pig.
Erin: Richard! Stop it! NOT. TONIGHT.
SJ: Daddy, stop. You silly.
Rich: Ok, Shirley, you're right. It's chicken.
SJ: No, Daddy. There's no animals. This is meat!
Erin: Yes! It's meat.
Rich: It's meat.
SJ: Yummmmmy. I can have dip?

Vision Board: Better late than never!

At the beginning of the year, Lauren and her co-workers had an assignment to create vision boards that show their goals and aspirations for the new year, and share them in a staff meeting.

Instead of grumbling about the assignment, Lauren threw herself in to the project and loved every minute of it. (This is one of Lauren's most admirable qualities, if you ask me.)

She was so inspired by this project that she helped me make a vision board for 2011.

I admit, I thought it was sort of silly, but once we got going, I really enjoyed myself! I am proud of my vision board and hope I reach all of my goals represented on it.

Click to enlarge.

It was a really fun project, and very fun to see my goals on paper. If you have specific goals for the new year, maybe you could make one! If you do, be sure to post a comment and share it with me.