Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Middle of the Road

Interesting thing--today is the exact middle of the year of 2006. It's week 26 this week, and it's Wednesday, which is in the middle of the week which is at the middle of the year. Cool, huh? I figured it out on my I COULD be wrong.

I won't be able to blog or write much today because I'm training a new employee to take over my job WHEN. I. LEAVE. On Friday. Yeah!


Today is hump day
It's the middle of the year--
Friday's my last day!

Are the haiku getting old? You can tell me.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


A friend's blog said today that confession is good for the soul. Well.
I hurt my dog.
It's been a week and a half since it happened, and I am just now able to write about it.
I didn't mean to. It was 1am last Saturday night. It was time for bed, and he wouldn't jump in to the grass from the deck for his nightly potty (12" off the ground), so I nudged him. Then, the longest 4 seconds of my life insued. He leaned forward. He leaned backward. He scrambled. And then he went over the side, landing on all four feet. But something happened on the way down. Dr. Blair said he thought he must have hit his knee cap, knocking it out of place, which happens relatively frequently in little dogs, and that there is nothing serious to worry about, but that's not what I cared about when my little baby was yelping and whining in the grass. I cried for an hour--I kid you not.
Richard finally said, "He knows you didn't mean to hurt him!"
And I, in my frantic PMS-induced sorrow said, "He doesn't know that! He doesn't have reasoning skills! Now he's probably going to be scared of feet and bite everyone's feet, and we'll have to put him to sleep!"
Poor Richard. He was really trying to make me feel better, but I was inconsolable. Nevermind that Pedro was already hobbling in circles around my feet wagging his tail.
I told a co-worker on Monday what had happened, and they called me "dog-kicker" for two days. It was terrible. And I thought I deserved it.
Long story short, Pedro is recovering nicely, and I may have overreacted just a titch. I just want to set the record straight: I didn't mean to hurt my little puppy! A nudge is a very different thing than a kick. Dr. Blair is on my side. Let me know if you want his phone number to call and hear it from him yourself. I'm NOT a dog-kicker.

Ode to Pedro

I love my Pedro.
I will always treat him right.
I only nudged him.

Friday, June 23, 2006


I received an email this morning with the following statement:

I am pleased to announce the appointment of Erin Desvousges to Administrative Assistant, Commercial Care Division, effective July 10, 2006. Erin is currently employed by Volt Services Group, under contract with 3M's Corporate Research Materials Laboratory. She holds a B.A. in English from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. Erin is replacing Amber Rhy and will report to the Marketing and International Director. She will be located in 223-2N and her phone number will be 651-733-1483. Please join me in welcoming Erin to the CCD team.

Isn't that GREAT?! ...and terrifying?
Apparently, I'm really a grown up now.


Finally, a job.
Won't know what I'm doing, but
they think I'll be great!

(We'll see!)

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

just a funny joke

By Brian Beatty
- - - -
I got a paper cut opening a Band-Aid wrapper. My bleeding thumb tasted just like irony.

Timothy Mcsweeney

check out
such great writing and humor
there might be some swears...

(I'll bet you didn't even know that was an haiku!)


How do I add links to my blog, people?
There is NOT a link section in my template.
I've been trying for days.


How do I add links?
I'm getting real frustrated.
Somebody help me.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Leadership Roles know how you expect the expert of any particular situation to take the lead and show you how something should be done? Yeah. With that in mind, I'd like to thank Person X in the framing department at JoannEtc and Person Y at the loading dock at Menards for taking what could have been a nice, easy, FUN night for me last night and SMASHING. IT. ON. THE. GROUND.
First of all, don't trust 19-year-olds. Ever. Especially when they say, "I do this all the time. I know what I'm doing."
That was my first mistake at both Joann's and Menards.
Long story short, it should NOT take a full hour to load a table and four chairs into the back of your friend's SUV. Apparently, Person Y is not very good with spacial concepts. We'll leave it at that.
And, when Person X in the framing department told me to cut off 7/8 of an inch from my poster on each edge, I should have done the math myself. Oh wait. I did. 3 times. Yeah. I ruined a poster, a piece of plexi-glass and so much more--namely, my and my friend's evenings. I was a LIT major, people. Not math. Or custom framing. Or loading SUV's.
So, maybe I shouldn't blame other people for my shortcomings in framing and my unwillingness (initially) to load the car myself, but like I said--I expected the EXPERTS to take the lead and to know what they were doing. So, I lay the blame solely on Persons X and Y.


Persons X and Y,
You ruined my whole evening.
Yes, I'm blaming you.

I'm pretty sure this has been a waste of a blog. Sorry guys.

Monday, June 19, 2006

FaithCom Bloggy Blogger Thingy

Hey guys--What's FaithCom, and why am I linked to it on all your Blogs? Should I become a member? How? Why? WHY?
I'm concerned that I'm linked to it and that I'm going to say something offensive--you know, like a swear or something, and that I'm going to end up making a LOT of people mad. I don't particularly enjoy the thought of giving up the occasional swear. GASP! I sometimes enjoy a well-placed swear...or off-color anecdote! What should I do, folks?

A particularly creative haiku for you all to chew on today...

FaithCom Bloggity Blog

FaithCom Bloggy Blog
I don't know what this thing is--
Why should I join up?


In other news, I'm wearing my "skinny-ish" pants today that I haven't worn for months. AWESOME, huh? Turns out, I might actually fit into that bridesmaid dress hanging in my basement on July 1. Keep your fingers crossed. I've been eating nothing but broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and salads for almost 2 weeks now. (Save for the pig roast...I splurged that night. How could I not?) And working out. Like a banshee (haha). Seems to have worked...hopefully. Also, a reliable source says that I am looking "slimmer." I believe her. I really do.
There won't be a haiku about this weightloss. Sorry. I don't want to jinx my recent success. (Not that I believe in jinxes, or keeping your fingers crossed, or banshees...not that I believe anything is outside of God's control. Ugh. This is exactly what I'm talking about.)

Friday, June 16, 2006


So, the best of the best work here at 3M. The brightest and most brilliant minds get hired here. We invent more useful products than any other company in the country. The best of the best. Literally. Mental Marines, ladies and gentlemen.
I just heard one of my...more bothersome co-workers tell an interesting story. It started like this;
"Man...mayonnaise is SO good. I love it. My daughter is so funny. She will wait until she knows I'm not looking, and dip her finger in the mayonnaise jar and eat as much of it as she can until I catch her. Truth be told, she's a little overweight, but we're working on that."
Seriously--that's so disgusting, it makes my butt squinch up. Blechhh. Ugh.


Bring out the best, child
Stick your finger in the jar
That's so freakin' gross.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Topics Covered by my Second-to-Last "Hair Stylist," Harrison
1. The task at hand
-"So you're gettin' your hair cut?"
2. Previous Employers
-Pet Supply Company
-"It was great. Middle of the night, just you, the open road, and 300 Gerbils."
3. Animals
-"Rabbits may not snort or whine, but they can sure make noise when they're surprised! BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! They just pound their big feet on the bottoms of their cages."
-"Gerbils screech. I'm not kidding. Hamsters are great, but Gerbils actually screetch when they're surprised. It's horrible--every single bump and SCREEEEEEEEECH!"
-"Westies are totally awesome little dogs."
-"I've had...[insert approximately 10 minutes worth of different kinds of dogs here.]"
4. Childhood
-"I ran over an entire family of rabbits with my lawnmower when I was a kid. It was terrible." (Sad face.)
5. The state of our country
-"I of these days...this is just how it works, you know? We get so arrogant that our whole world may just fall apart. Just like that."
6. Previous places of residence
-"The cities."
-"West Virginia, darlin'. MM-MMMmmm. Don't mess with Mamma!" (I find it necessary at this point in the list to point out that until this point, he spoke with a perfect Fargo accent.)
-"Hudson is just such a cheap place to live!"
7. My feelings
-"What are you feelin'? How do you feel about this? Are we likin' this?"

Topics Covered by my Last Hair Stylist, Carlee
1. My hair
-"Oh my gosh! I can't believe he did this to you!"
-"I'm so sorry!"
-"If you were anyone else, I wouldn't be laughing--I swear."
-"I can't make you pay for this."


Oh, Harry, you fool.
There are bald spots on my head!
Pay attention, Dude.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Holes and Stuff

For all my days, I will never forget shouting, "Hey! Who wants to get in a big hole?!?" And watching throngs--literally throngs of children come running. Quite possibly one of the most amusing and strangely gratifying moments of my adult life. We fit FIFTEEN people in that hole. Not my best photography, but I LOVE this picture--don't they look happy to be in a hole?!

It's easy for me to forget how much fun you can have in God's name. And even have a drink. It just seems so often that we have to "behave ourselves" the way our grandmothers would like, when I don't think this is necessarily what God intended. I've always had a hard time with the idea that God expects me to be a cookie-cutter Christian. Which He doesn't. I was reminded this weekend that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in God's own image--and that it's ok to be myself. To laugh, to goof around, and to let my hair down every once in a while--what's left of it (see tomorrow's blog--Harrison the Hair Stylist), because when we gather in His name to laugh, goof around, and let our hair down, it honors Him.
So, anyway, good food, good company, good conversation. What fun! The pig roast was a huge success on all counts. And we fit 15 people in the hole.
Also, "learning" to play cards from the Master himself would have made the whole pig gig worth while, even if it had snowed, nobody had showed up, and there had been no food. Ah, my second family--I love you all!

So, here's today's untitled Haiku. I'm not very confident with it at this point, so I may edit a little bit later. Let me know if youhave any suggestions.

What a giant hole!
Let's have some fun, praisin' God.
And maybe a beer!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Everybody has pet peeves. Little things people do that REALLY get under your skin.
I have a friend--actually two friends--who get irritated when someone, anyone (not necessarily her husband--we're not naming names here) makes a sandwich on the counter and doesn't wipe up the crumbs! I can identify.
Most of my (ranked and numbered) pet peeves have to do with food, but there are some that don't, like #4, for instance, when people drag their feet when they walk. Makes me crazy. Or, its VERY close second, #5, the dreaded DOUBLE NEGATIVE! And of course, we can't forget #3, excessively long voicemail messages. Can I get an amen?
These are allllll far, far behind my Number One Pet Peeve.
I feel, however, that I should premise my Number One with my Number Two. (Har, har. "She said Number One and Number Two!")
Number Two is when people steal food off of my plate without asking.
This scenario is in spot Number Two on the list because there are only a few situations in which this really makes me...peeved. First of all, if I don't KNOW you, I mean, really know you, and you steal food off my plate, I'm gonna be mad. The other situation would simply be that I'm hungry and don't want to share. Pretty simple, people.
So, let me set up an *hypothetical* scene for you. You're very hungry. You've been planning all day to go home and have a brat off the grill with onions, mustard, and sauerkraut. MMMMM... You decide to invite some friends to join you. You boil the brats, dice the onion, warm up the sauerkraut (Maybe--maybe you're just gonna eat it cold, out of the can with a fork. I'm not here to judge, people. That's the point.), and maybe even toast a few buns. You load up your plate, and your friend's *hypothetical* new girlfriend says, "Ew. I can't believe you're going to eat that. It looks terrible."
That, my friends, is the Big Number One. I can't STAND it when people criticize what I'm eating. Even now, just thinking about the *hypothetical* situation I just made up, I want to scratch someone's eyes out...or slash their tires...or something else terrible that I would never actually be brave enough to do.
The thing is (Hark! My title!), I would never do that to someone else. If someone offered me a cucumber, for instance, I would politely refuse. Here's how the conversation would go:
"Erin, do you want this cucumber?"
"Oh, no thank you."
"Really? Why not?"
"I just don't care for them. Thanks for offering, though."
"Seriously?? Who doesn't like cucumbers?"
"I'm sorry. I've just never been able to eat them."
They would look at me like I'm from another planet, and the whole thing is over. I didn't hurt anyone's feelings, or make them feel stupid for liking cucumbers. Why is this so hard for some people to do?
So, today's haiku, "Me and Sauerkraut," is dedicated to all the people out there who turn up their noses at things other people like. Namely, any food that someone else likes that they don't.

Me and Sauerkraut

leave me all alone
to eat my cold sauerkraut
we love each other.

Ok, not necessarily my best work, but I find today's haiku particularly poignant.

So what are your Pet Peeves? I want to know.

p.s. For those of you who will feel the need to correct my grammar in the title of today's haiku, you should know that Grammar Correctors are #7 on my list of Pet Peeves.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Baby, Let's Talk

I'm probably never going to blog on the weekend. Just like I don't check my email on the weekend, just like I don't answer my phone on the weekend. I like to keep my friends and relatives always wanting more.
Speaking of wanting more, I work with a woman, who shall remain nameless, who insists on speaking in "Baby Talk" most of the time. To me, to her boss, to our co-workers. And she just celebrated her 50th birthday. Let me assure you, there is nothing cute about this. When someone comes to your cube and says over the top, "Tood we go to da tafederia?," it's not cute. I promise. Or, please notice 3 things about the following statement:
"Me no like no cheese."
1. She actually doesn't like cheese.
3. Not cute.
I don't understand it. I like her well enough--ok, that's not true. She is tolerable until the baby talk starts. Then I want to die. Or run screaming from the office, tearing my clothes from my body as I go.
And what does she expect? Should I be baby talking BACK? Should I confront her about it--host an intervention? I haven't had the nerve to bring this observation up to anyone else within our office, but I suspect that if I did, there would be ...opinions to share.
I fear that now we're to the point where there is nothing I can do. I've let it go on so long now that surely she thinks it's ok. Like letting the dog chew on shoes for the first 6 months of his life, and then suddenly yelling at him to stop. Imagine how confusing that could be for a puppy, let alone a baby talker.
Today's haiku is entitled, "Baby Talk"

Baby Talk
you're too old for this
stop talking to me like that
I like you, but stop.

I just spilled coffee all over myself--laughing at my own haiku. I'd say we can call that karma.

Friday, June 02, 2006

first timer

The way I understand it, haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, defined by as a short three-line poem which consists of a "pattern of approximately 5, 7, and 5," syllables per line. I'm pretty sure that haiku are supposed to focus primarily on nature and the beauty we find within, our bonsai tree, blah, blah...
The truth is, that I find it much more interesting and !FUN! to write haiku about daily life. For instance--about my iPod. Or about choosing a blog name--which is HARD. Nothing good was available--until I remembered my love for this dainty form of poetry. So what we've got is what I like to think of as a hybrid form of poetry--Modern Haiku, if you will. Also, I'm not sure if we're allowed to use punctiation or pronouns in haiku, but i think these things are encompassed in the hybrid.
Here, for my very first blog post is a series of haiku that I wrote about my very first ever blog.

can't get a blog name
i want a really good one
been trying for hours

i need one quickly
gotta be clever and cute
any ideas?

what do i love the most?
wait a minute, i've got it!
haiku lady--yeah!

This is what I went to college for. I am trained for nothing.