Topics Covered by my Second-to-Last "Hair Stylist," Harrison
1. The task at hand
-"So you're gettin' your hair cut?"
2. Previous Employers
-Pet Supply Company
-"It was great. Middle of the night, just you, the open road, and 300 Gerbils."
3. Animals
-"Rabbits may not snort or whine, but they can sure make noise when they're surprised! BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! They just pound their big feet on the bottoms of their cages."
-"Gerbils screech. I'm not kidding. Hamsters are great, but Gerbils actually screetch when they're surprised. It's horrible--every single bump and SCREEEEEEEEECH!"
-"Westies are totally awesome little dogs."
-"I've had...[insert approximately 10 minutes worth of different kinds of dogs here.]"
4. Childhood
-"I ran over an entire family of rabbits with my lawnmower when I was a kid. It was terrible." (Sad face.)
5. The state of our country
-"I mean...one of these days...this is just how it works, you know? We get so arrogant that our whole world may just fall apart. Just like that."
6. Previous places of residence
-"The cities."
-"West Virginia, darlin'. MM-MMMmmm. Don't mess with Mamma!" (I find it necessary at this point in the list to point out that until this point, he spoke with a perfect Fargo accent.)
-"Hudson is just such a cheap place to live!"
7. My feelings
-"What are you feelin'? How do you feel about this? Are we likin' this?"
Topics Covered by my Last Hair Stylist, Carlee
1. My hair
-"Oh my gosh! I can't believe he did this to you!"
-"I'm so sorry!"
-"If you were anyone else, I wouldn't be laughing--I swear."
-"I can't make you pay for this."
Harrison
Oh, Harry, you fool.
There are bald spots on my head!
Pay attention, Dude.
7 comments:
Topics of conversation from my current stylist:
1. How much she wants to go back to school
2. How poorly she did in her last school.
3. How much she loves when her 2-year-old goes to Grandma's
4. How she doesn't want to have more kids
5. How much her husband DOES!
6. Her new tatoos.
I know, drives me crazy, but I'll put up with just about anything when I find someone that does what I want with my hair and not what THEY want...and doesn't do a total butcher job. Erin, honey, I know how ya feel...
You know, I'm pretty sure the one and only time I've had to go and have a haircut immediately redone, the offensive haircut was completed by a guy named Harrison. He cut my friend's hair too and did an equally terrible job. We both had strange pieces hanging out all over and patches of hair missing. It was horrific. Same guy? Too bizarre?
Hey Erin I feel your pain. I think you are hilarious. I don't just think it, I know it...you are hilarious!
Answer for #1:
Nope I thought I'd come in here and listen to you go on and on about gerbils. Here's your sign.
Nice, Kristi. If only I had been so clever--I probably would have saved myself a lot of stress.
And thanks, Carla. I think you're pretty hilarious yourself!
Hamsters are great, but
Gerbils screech--I'm not kidding.
Bump--SCREEECH. Every. Time.
Wow! That's incredible. I'm not kidding.
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