Peeved

Everybody has pet peeves. Little things people do that REALLY get under your skin.
I have a friend--actually two friends--who get irritated when someone, anyone (not necessarily her husband--we're not naming names here) makes a sandwich on the counter and doesn't wipe up the crumbs! I can identify.
Most of my (ranked and numbered) pet peeves have to do with food, but there are some that don't, like #4, for instance, when people drag their feet when they walk. Makes me crazy. Or, its VERY close second, #5, the dreaded DOUBLE NEGATIVE! And of course, we can't forget #3, excessively long voicemail messages. Can I get an amen?
These are allllll far, far behind my Number One Pet Peeve.
I feel, however, that I should premise my Number One with my Number Two. (Har, har. "She said Number One and Number Two!")
Number Two is when people steal food off of my plate without asking.
This scenario is in spot Number Two on the list because there are only a few situations in which this really makes me...peeved. First of all, if I don't KNOW you, I mean, really know you, and you steal food off my plate, I'm gonna be mad. The other situation would simply be that I'm hungry and don't want to share. Pretty simple, people.
So, let me set up an *hypothetical* scene for you. You're very hungry. You've been planning all day to go home and have a brat off the grill with onions, mustard, and sauerkraut. MMMMM... You decide to invite some friends to join you. You boil the brats, dice the onion, warm up the sauerkraut (Maybe--maybe you're just gonna eat it cold, out of the can with a fork. I'm not here to judge, people. That's the point.), and maybe even toast a few buns. You load up your plate, and your friend's *hypothetical* new girlfriend says, "Ew. I can't believe you're going to eat that. It looks terrible."
That, my friends, is the Big Number One. I can't STAND it when people criticize what I'm eating. Even now, just thinking about the *hypothetical* situation I just made up, I want to scratch someone's eyes out...or slash their tires...or something else terrible that I would never actually be brave enough to do.
The thing is (Hark! My title!), I would never do that to someone else. If someone offered me a cucumber, for instance, I would politely refuse. Here's how the conversation would go:
"Erin, do you want this cucumber?"
"Oh, no thank you."
"Really? Why not?"
"I just don't care for them. Thanks for offering, though."
"Seriously?? Who doesn't like cucumbers?"
"I'm sorry. I've just never been able to eat them."
They would look at me like I'm from another planet, and the whole thing is over. I didn't hurt anyone's feelings, or make them feel stupid for liking cucumbers. Why is this so hard for some people to do?
So, today's haiku, "Me and Sauerkraut," is dedicated to all the people out there who turn up their noses at things other people like. Namely, any food that someone else likes that they don't.

Me and Sauerkraut

leave me all alone
to eat my cold sauerkraut
we love each other.

Ok, not necessarily my best work, but I find today's haiku particularly poignant.

So what are your Pet Peeves? I want to know.

p.s. For those of you who will feel the need to correct my grammar in the title of today's haiku, you should know that Grammar Correctors are #7 on my list of Pet Peeves.