Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Secret Confession: A Season?

I confess, being a mother of two children has proven nearly as difficult as I feared during my pregnancy. I am pleased to say that it is not AS difficult as I thought it would be, but close.
Lately I've really struggled with the drudgery and thanklessness of caring for two children's seemingly endless needs. In my heart I complain and long for time to myself. I SO look forward to my moments of "freedom," when I can leave the house sans children and fully expect to come home feeling refreshed and more able to cope with the demands of my new life. Usually my refreshed feeling lasts about fifteen minutes until I'm getting pulled in ten different directions and quickly become overwhelmed. I often feel like I am just barely keeping my head above water in the giant Lake of Too Much (just north of the the bustling city of Overwhelmington--in Canada).
I think that's just how it's going to be for a little while. Emphasis on little. I know this is just a season and that I am serving God by seeking to raise my children in his ways even when I don't think I can deal with potty training or colic or 5am feedings or discipline for ONE. MORE. MINUTE.
Oswald Chambers says this on the matter:
No one is born either naturally or supernaturally with character; it must be developed. Nor are we born with habits— we have to form godly habits on the basis of the new life God has placed within us. We are not meant to be seen as God’s perfect, bright-shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. Drudgery is the test of genuine character. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life is that we will only look for big things to do. Yet, “Jesus . . . took a towel and . . . began to wash the disciples’ feet . . .” ( John 13:3-5).
We all have those times when there are no flashes of light and no apparent thrill to life, where we experience nothing but the daily routine with its common everyday tasks. The routine of life is actually God’s way of saving us between our times of great inspiration which come from Him. Don’t always expect God to give you His thrilling moments, but learn to live in those common times of the drudgery of life by the power of God.

If I hope to raise Fishers of Men, I guess I shouldn't complain (whether outwardly or inwardly) about washing my children's feet. I'm not going to get it all right. I know that. But I AM committed to doing my best at loving my children and husband in a godly way...I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself of the ultimate goal.


Jodi said...

What happened to the morning pep talk? :) We're always here when you need a break. Even more so now that it's summer.

kristi noser said...

Girl, I love your heart. What a beautiful (albeit tough to read, much less live) picture of your life--right now.
I was a little worried until the Canada quip, then I realized you have still retained your sense of humor. Excellent.
You are a shining example of a great mom, as was your mom--you learned from one of the best, in my humble opinion. Tread water my dearest, it's really only for a little while, although at times it feels like it will never end.
I love you like only a second mama can.

carole said...

Well, for someone who less than 24 hours ago proclaimed you had nothing to write about...

Know that nothing you feel is any different than any mom has felt after the birth of a child, whether it is number one or number five. Your life has been drastically reordered and it takes time to regroup and make a new plan. It gets better. When number three is about 3 months old, you WILL look back and think how easy it was with only two. You can mark my words on that one...

Happy mothering and wifing.

Jolene said...

Love you.
Love this post.
I get it.
I've been there.
I am there.
This will help me so much - I need to remember to go here the next time I'm in tears from being so overwhelmed.

But you're right about the season. It was only recently that I realized that yes, it really does get easier. At least a little. Enough where you feel like you can breath again.

I pray you never feel alone on this journey that you're on. I will gladly be "here" for you anytime you need a fresh ear; and, if you're serious about getting together this summer consider this an open invitation to my own personal chaos (home) anytime.


Anonymous said...

Erin, you speak for mothers everywhere, I think. It's so challenging when they're young, as it's super intensive (both time and physical care). I hope you get many chances to get out of the house and be refreshed. And then, I pray for you to jump back into the fray with renewed energy and purpose. It's all so very, very worth it, and I know that you know that.
Laurie S.

pat stream said...

A very high calling you have. This post displays the humble heart needed to do exactly what you strive for - glory to Him! Thanks Erin for a great "keepin it real" post.

carole said...

Surprisingly (or not perhaps) this post was one of the first things I thought of this morning. Perhaps because even when your kids are 32, 28 and 25 (and each have spouses you love dearly, doubling your parenthood quota) parenting can still be hard. Your kids will, most likely, always look to you and Richard for support, input and advice. Only the stakes get higher: Where do I go to college? Is this job prospect what is right for my life? What about this guy/girl I think I love?

Then I realized, and this is where your post came to mind in that weird way my mind works: Erin is being prepared for her future "mom job" by doing this "mom job;" the same way one might start out in the mail room of some big corporation and work your way to chief bottle washer (no pun intended) and then on, to president and CEO. (In Biblical terms, you are working on becoming a Titus 2 woman.) Right now you are fighting it out in the trenches so that some day you will smile and say t osome struggling younger mom, "Yeah I remember those days, but it only lasts a season... and the rewards are so worth it."

My wish for you is that today, just today (kind of like a 12 step program), life will be managable, you will see rewards for your sacrifices and something SJ or the Bairn does will tug at your heart to remind you what a special job you have been tasked with. I pray you will feel a sense of gratitutde and overwhelming love for Richard when you think of the scarifice he makes each day going to work to support his family. And that, when you fall in bed tonight, in a exhausted heap, your sleep will be deep and refreshing and uninterrupted so that tomorrow will seem like no big deal.

A great verse for moms: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

angie said...

love your post.
love your honesty.
love the love from your commentors. (commentators??)
love the comments.
i'm sure i will come here often to be reminded of all that was said and felt here.

Kara Jo said...

Thanks so much for your transparency, Erin. I loved your post. Probably because I've been there--and am often still there. :)

It is a tough transition to go from 1 to 2. You're doubling the parenting load, so it's no wonder!

You're doing a great job pouring yourself out for your children and for the sake of the Kingdom. Great wisdom from Oswald, too. That's a message I need to hear often!

Leslie Willard said...

(Whining) But I LIKE the exciting moments! Drudgery... not so much.

Maybe if I learned to like drudgery, I would get more excitement.