Someone should do a study.

Is the concept of "sleeping through the night" an American thing? Do African women in huts get up two or three times a night with their children? How about Cambodian women? Turkish or Japanese women? Do they embrace the fact that they will never sleep again once they have children? What about Irish women? Is six hours of sleep in two-hour increments a gift to them? Iran? Mexico? Idaho?
Everyone I know has one goal: sleeping through the night.
"Is he sleeping through the night?" "Oh, she sleeps through! Good for you!" "How often is he up in the night?" "If you [do this] she will sleep through the night." These are all very common phrases to the parents of a new baby...in MY culture.
What I want to know is: are we the weirdos? Is this a major topic of conversation for mommies in other countries and cultures?
I'm just saying if this is my life, I at least want to belong to a culture where everybody else feels like shit, too.

The Day My Brain Stopped Working

I needed to return some things to a popular children's store. I should have done it much sooner, but the truth is, I forgot. So, today, Mom and I headed to the mall to make my returns. I was anticipating a fairly large amount of cash for the clothing in my bag, but I wasn't too excited about it--I just had a plan. A plan to return the clothes, get the cash, deposit the cash. Bing, bang, boom. No worries. Easy peasy.
So...I'm chatting with the sales girl, she's scanning things, you know. And she says, "You know this is going to be in merchandise credit, right?"
I said, "Uh, no. That's not right. Cash was paid for these items. I'd like the cash back, please."
She said, "Well, since they were purchased more than 60 days ago, you can only get a merchandise credit."
I said, "Shoot. That's not what I thought would happen."

And then time stood still.

I literally did not know what to do. Return the clothes? Keep the clothes? Take the gift card? Throw a temper tantrum?
So, I said, "Isn't there anything you can do about this? Who is the manager?"
She said, "I'm the manager."
I said, "So, isn't there anything you can do about this?"
She said, "You can have the phone number for customer service...?"
I said, "Will customer service tell you to give me my money back?"
She said, "No."
I said, "Then, no thank you."

And then time stood still.

I still did not know what to do. My brain just could. not. figure. this. one. out.
While she stared at me, I literally closed my eyes and tried to SEE the right answer. It did not appear.
Finally my mom came over, "Is everything ok?"
I explained the situation to her and told her to just tell me what to do.
We ended up keeping the outfit that will still fit Shirley and took a merchandise credit for the rest of the clothing.
Later I said to my mom, "I'm really sorry, Mom. I thought it was safe to go in public again. Clearly I was wrong."
Let the record show: I made the wrong choice. I am returning the rest of the clothes tomorrow. Hopefully the cashier will be fluent in Post-Partum-PMS-Exhausted-Mommy-Speak. (Yes, that's a real condition.)

It's a Boy!

Richard Joseph

born March 29, 2010
8 pounds, 6 ounces;
22 inches long.

Check out HaikuBabies for more info!

Confession

Today, on the way home from the doctor's office, I pulled up to a stoplight. At the same time, I reached behind me to give Shirley Jean her pacifier. Somehow, in doing so, I LAID on the horn.
Scared myself so bad I peed a little.

Magic Beans

I discovered something today at a popular department store:

I don't need a new bathing suit to make me look like I just had a baby.

I can do that in a bathing suit I bought last summer.

Aaaaany old suit will do.

MMmmmmmm...

Remember how much I love coffee?

Me, too.