That was a first...

So...tonight at work, I had a very strange couple come through my line. I don't think I'll go into very much detail except to say that they made me exceptionally uncomfortable and my goal was to get them through the check out process as fast as possible.
Their bill came to $46 and the man looked and looked for his money. He couldn't find his credit card, his cash...in fact, his whole wallet had gone missing.
Just when I was starting to try to formulate a Plan B, when he said, "Oh, wait! I got it!"
This man TOOK. OFF. HIS. SHOE. and pulled out four, one hundred dollar bills.
It really takes a lot to gross me out, but sweaty foot money puts me over the top.

Are you ready for some...

Apparently something exciting happened in football last week.
It has been FOOTBALL 24/7 in our house for the last two weeks.
Madden 2012 comes out on August 30th, but the demo comes out on August 9th.
A bunch of old guys have a lot of redundant things to say about football on the NFL network and ESPN. And ESPN2. And ESPNespanol.
Football officially begins the same weekend as the marriage retreat (just like it does every year. Just like it causes a paralyzing panic in my husband EVERY YEAR).
All this begs the question:
Isn't it still baseball season?

Someone should do a study.

Is the concept of "sleeping through the night" an American thing? Do African women in huts get up two or three times a night with their children? How about Cambodian women? Turkish or Japanese women? Do they embrace the fact that they will never sleep again once they have children? What about Irish women? Is six hours of sleep in two-hour increments a gift to them? Iran? Mexico? Idaho?
Everyone I know has one goal: sleeping through the night.
"Is he sleeping through the night?" "Oh, she sleeps through! Good for you!" "How often is he up in the night?" "If you [do this] she will sleep through the night." These are all very common phrases to the parents of a new baby...in MY culture.
What I want to know is: are we the weirdos? Is this a major topic of conversation for mommies in other countries and cultures?
I'm just saying if this is my life, I at least want to belong to a culture where everybody else feels like shit, too.

Are you ready for some football?

At lunch today with a friend, I was waiting my turn in line listening to two men talk about the Super Bowl.
An older man turned to me and said, "I am not a sports fan. I don't even know what they're talking about!"
I said, "Oh, man. I'm sorry. You don't even speak the language, do you?"
He laughed and agreed with me. He listened to the men again for a second and said, "Every year it surprises me that this REALLY means something to some people."
I didn't know what to say...on the one hand, I wanted to appear empathetic, but at the same time...it means something to me. Now, I'm not saying the outcome of the Super Bowl has a whole lot of impact on my life, but I do care!
Who woulda thunk it?

Well, we DO have the biggest brains.

If humans are truly superior mammals, how come you never see a puppy, baby seal, or even a baby monkey wedged under the couch, screaming bloody murder with his feelings crushed because he's gotten himself into another fine mess? I've also (personally) never seen a kitten try with all its might, for days and days, to eat the vacuum cleaner or the bathroom garbage can.
I'm just thinking out loud here.

!!!!*&^$@#%!!!!

Spam

I just got an email whose subject line read: Do You Love Low-Priced Company?
What, interweb, could that mean???
Maybe I should have opened it.
Typically, if it's in my spam account and says something like, "Cheep Car for U," or "Erin D., US Cittzan," and it's from someone like Lunda Juhnson, I just delete. You know?

Some important questions:

Why did this guy have mustard on his dashboard?
And, more importantly, why aren't we friends?

Optical Illusion

Last night on the way home from dinner with a friend, I got "stuck" behind a solar powered car. He was going about 45 miles per hour on I-94 heading west.
He finally pulled over and I passed him to realize that he was just a doofus with two aluminum ladders strapped to the roof of his Dodge Neon.

A couple things.

How does it work that I have run out of soap in EVERY room all at once? Currently on my shopping list: dish soap, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, hand soap refill, Johnson's soap.

Operation Clean Out the Freezer in '08 has begun.
Today for lunch I ate a personal pan pizza from 1999.
OK, not that old, but close.
For dinner we are having stuffed shells that Lauren made when the baby was born.

SJ and I are about to head to WalMart to buy SOAP in many different forms, and some new shorts for Mommy, since I currently own ONE pair that I bought my sophomore year in college.
Exactly.

We have taken to taking morning naps. SJ and I lay down every morning around 11 and sleep until 1. I don't know why I am ashamed of this, but I am. I'm hoping that by admitting it publically, I won't feel bad about it anymore.

What's the deal with baby capri pants? What a joke!

I think that's everything I wanted to say for today.

Oh, how about an haiku for old time's sake?

Staying at home and
caring for my hus and girl;
all my dreams are true.

AI Irritation

Does it irritate anybody else that they're taking questions from viewers now?

When King Louis and Marie Antoinette were executed, do you think they made them wait through an hour of ridiculous questions from the audience and gay interviews of former contestants?

Um, no. Something tells me it was more of a quick job. Like, "Let's just get it over with. We don't need to drag out the inevitable."

I wish American Idol was more of an "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS" type of show.

I'm just saying.

Things that make you go, "Ewww."

Today, Angie posted about getting her oil changed.

Well, her story made me think of another story.

My sister's best friend from Alabama was riding in the car with her little brother when one of them (I forget which) said, "I smell hamburgers. Do you smell hamburgers?"

The other one said, "Yeah, I do!"

That was the end of the conversation.

They later found a very cooked mouse near the engine block.

Ewww.

That ONE Thing

Do you ever have something on your shopping list that you forget repeatedly?

I hit Walmart, Walgreens or Target at least twice a week. Usually more.

There is no excuse for the fact that we are completely out of toothpaste.

We have squeezed every bit out of our full-sized tubes. and two travel sized tubes.

Yet somehow it just doesn't occur to me to pick some up at the store one of the zillions of times I am running in for milk, or yarn, or something else not nearly as important as dental hygiene.

Will somebody please remind me to get some toothpaste this weekend? I have a lot of shopping to do, but you know I'm going to forget.

Could've Had a Middle Finger

Shortly after my family moved back to Hudson in 2002, my mom and I were on Vine Street at that stop sign right in front of the high school. The two boys in the Honda in front of us both flipped off the school.
That just didn't make sense to me. How dumb to flip off a building, right? I've thought about it for six years now. I just didn't get it. It's a building. It doesn't even care if you pee on it. It doesn't have feelings, or even a sense of propriety (not to be confused with a sense of property! Oh, I kill myself!).
Today on my way back from my chiro appointment with my drive thru lunch on the seat next to me, I passed a billboard that featured a photo of a half-eaten order of french fries and the tagline "Could've had a V8."
I get it now.
I get why those boys flipped off something that couldn't even see them.

Guys

What's the deal with guys turning the "heat" on full blast in the car before the engine is warm?
What's the deal with jumping right out of bed in the morning? And falling right asleep at night?
What's the deal with the "farmer blow?" (Sorry, Kristi)
What's the deal with the secret stash (i.e. entire Rubbermaid tote) of electrical cords?
What's the deal with Metallica?
What's the deal with Cap'n Crunch?
What's the deal with belly button lint? I mean, really.



On my iPod at this moment:
"Under Pressure" David Bowie & Freddie Mercury. (heart)