Lucky Me

What I wish I had said to Shelly* in Accounts Receivable at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas as she completely screwed me over this afternoon:
It might be a "Lucky Day" for you, but so far I've been on hold for 40 minutes. I don't consider this a gift from Lady Luck. Normally I would never, ever consider sitting on hold this long, but I have no choice, you see.
According to your records, my boss paid for Zindb Kmwnd's* two night stay at the fabulously lucky Caesar's Palace at the end of March. Since my boss doesn't have a girlfriend and doesn't know Zindb, I don't feel like he should have to pay for this person's room. Although, I guess that would make it Zindb's lucky day, right?
Here's the thing, Shelly. I'm not getting off the phone with you until we get this taken care of. This is my third lucky, lucky phone call to Caesar's Palace, and I think it's important that I reiterate that I have been on hold for 40 minutes so far. I guess it's ok if you put me back on hold as long as I have your word that you're getting help for this situation, not fighting with your husband on the other line.
No, once again, I don't know how Zindb Kmwnd is, or how or why they got my boss' credit card number. No, there haven't been any other erroneous charges, which leads me to assume that the fault is yours, not mine. Yes, I am quite sure the credit card was not stolen. I am holding it right here. No, I wasn't there at the time. I'm sure this is a surprise to you, but I only schedule trips for other people. I don't take them. I don't know what my boss does with his free time between meetings, but I'm quite sure it has nothing to do with Mr. or Ms. Kmwnd.
Yes, I will send you a fax stating my wishes. Though three phone calls stating my wishes seems like plenty. I have to say, you have a good system here. A good way to weed out the liars. No liar would go through this much nonsense just to save a couple hundred dollars. Unless, of course, they were particularly un-lucky. But then that makes me the fool, eh? Making three un-lucky phone calls to take care of this un-lucky situation.
No, I will not go back on hold. Your husband will have to wait.
No, I will not hang up.
Please hold while I send the fax.
Your fax machine is issuing a busy signal.
No, I will not keep trying. What is your email address?
Shelly. I'm not going to keep trying. I will email what you need.
Shelly, I'm not fooling around here. Try not to take my extreme vulnerability to your power too seriously. I mean business.
Shelly?
Hello?
I'll be faxing you, b*tch.

*Most names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

Lucky, lucky me.
I love holding on the phone.
This music is GREAT!

Sitting on hold, I
learned a lot about vegas.
There's lots to do there!

Must be the reason
no one would answer my call
at Caesar's Palace.