Saturday, June 14, 2008

Fear (and a little Loathing)

It's pretty well known that Satan will attack us where he knows we are weakest, right?
For some reason, my weakenesses are almost always fear-based.
If I get really angry, sad, let myself be overcome with worry, or fall down in general, I can usually trace my failure back to some root fear that I cannot EVER seem to escape.
Well, without going into the gory details, I have been having some very serious issues with emotionally paralyzing fear. You know the kind? The kind that stops you mid-breath and makes you question whether or not you can continue INHALING?
Well, until about an hour ago, Satan had me so confused by fear that once I got over one particular fear (or so I thought), he had another one waiting for me on the other side of the bathroom door. Literally.
I prayed and cried with Richard about it, and then came upstairs to check the blogs and read My Utmost for His Highest.
Once again, Chambers (http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php) proves to be proufound. (Thank you, God for using this man's writing so eloquently in my life.)
Chambers writes,
"I [...] have to build my thinking patiently to bring it into perfect harmony with my Lord. God will not make me think like Jesus— I have to do it myself. I have to bring 'every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ' (2 Corinthians 10:5). 'Abide in Me'— in intellectual matters, in money matters, in every one of the matters that make human life what it is."
Oh, there is so much to talk about here!
The most important part to me, tonight at 1:36am?
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN FEARFUL THOUGHTS!!
I can ask God to help me remove specific images from my mind, but it's MY responsibility, not HIS, to focus on Godly things. This, to me, means that I need to trust God in the areas that I worry about (hel-LO! Aren't fear and WORRY essentially one in the same??)
Is focusing on my fear Godly?
2 Chorinthians 10:5 in its entirety says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (ebible.com)
Now look at the way I've been thinking about it:
"We demolish arguments [posed by Satan against our ultimate goal of glorifying God IN. ALL. THINGS.] and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of [thoughts, focus on] God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ [ERIN!!! GOD DOESN'T WANT YOUR THOUGHTS TO BE TAKEN UP BY FEAR. THAT IS NOT 'OBEDIENT TO CHRIST.']
God is so faithful to us when we cry out to Him.
I just had to share.

8 comments:

kristi noser said...

Thank you Erin (and Mr. Chambers). You have no idea how badly I needed that today.
God is good and His grace is sufficient.

Katie R. said...

Fear and anxiety are my huge downfalls. I'm learning. I'm working. God is good. For some reason I'm crying right now and wish I could give you a hug. Keep fighting Erin. :)

-V- said...

Erin,

Lavish this truth (of your part in and responsibility for giving way to fear) with the truth of Grace (His amazing Love - and never shaming you for fear), and you have truth that will revolutionize your life. I love the 'both, and' of it... We take ownership of our part in siding with fear; AND His love casts fear out. Life actually changes color for awhile in light of this realization. Sounds simple - like stuff you've always heard. But it's got to your heart now... only He can do that. Praise God!

I just began to thing along these terms in April of '07. I heard an online sermon on Esther: "Who made Esther fearful? Was it the king? Was it Haman? Was it God? NO... Esther made Esther afraid..." We do have a choice.

Note to future Erin: Next time you feel afraid (and you will - the feeling of fear, in itself, is not wrong) remind yourself that He loves you in that moment. Don't let the enemy shame you. When you wrap yourself in God's love and acceptance in the very midst of your fear, your enemy has no power over you.

Kara Jo said...

Erin, thanks so much for sharing your heart and your struggle. I loved hearing your thoughts and revelations on the subject.

I have struggled much more with fear since I became a Mommy. Right there with you in the process. Keep sharing! Love seeing what God's up to. :)

Anonymous said...

That was a wonderful commentary, Erin. I want to say that I'm proud of you, but that doesn't quite get it. I am happy for you and that God is this real in your life. I'm very happy for you.

Love,
Celticsapper

Andrea said...

I struggle with this same thing, and I am learning to fight it just as you are. :) Thank you for sharing.

Kristin said...

Sorry the moments of fear had to happen at my house. Encouraged that so many were blessed by your testimony to the power of the risen Lord in your life. God is growing you into a godly wife and mother, just like we prayed when you were born. Praise His glorious name!

Kris H said...

Thanks for sharing this, Erin. I struggle through the same things. Thanks for the reminder that I am responsible for my own fearful thoughts. It's a tough battle.