Dear Gertrude's Caretaker,
I wasn't harrassing your stupid dog. I was protecting Gertrude from your stupid dog. Remember Gertrude? Who I was visiting because I care about her and her bruised pelvis? (Where WERE you, by the way?)
I had no choice but to bodily grab the dog off of Gertrude who was crying out in pain. Because of this, she bit me so many times that I am bleeding in four places. Still.
A word of advice: when you come home and I tell you what happened, do not--repeat: DO NOT act as if it is my fault that your stupid DILL PICKLE DOG BIT. ME.
I'm really mad at you.