Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Dear Britney.

Dear Britney Spears,
I've been following your career for nearly ten years now! I can't believe it's been that long! I have to say, I haven't been watching you because of any discernable talent, but simply because we are the same age. I can't deny, however, your affinity for "shakin'-what-your-momma-gave-ya." Although, now that I think about it, it's more like "shakin'-what-your-momma-forced-you-in-to-as-a-child-and-you-are-left-to-deal-with-the-consequences-as-an-adult." I'm not saying you're blameless, I mean, ultimately, we're responsible for our own decisions.
Which brings me to the reason for this letter.
You and I have reached an age where it's no longer attractive or desireable to be seen partying at all hours and making a fool of yourself. You have children, for heaven's sake. It's time to settle down, friend. We all partied in college (or in your case, Laguna Beach,Hollywood, and Malibu), but there comes a time in every girl's life where she can't be trendy (or in your case, sleazy) anymore and needs to find her beauty niche.
Let's talk about going without panties. Not a good idea. Is that something Jackie O or Audrey Hepburn, iconic beauties and pictures of poise and grace, would ever be caught doing?
And shaving your head. That's just plain stupid. Look at Beyonce--she's our age! She has really honed in on her best look. Do you think she would EVER shave her head? I doubt it.
The point is, you're young! You still have a lot of good years ahead of you! Just stop doing disgusting things that STAY. WITH. US. FOR. SO. LONG.
Obviously, you are unhappy, and I'm very sorry for this. I wish I could teach you what real love is, and that you can't find it in drugs, booze, or sex, but I can't, though I hope someone comes into your life who can.




















For now, however, as your friend and long-time observer, I'm telling you, it's ok to be pretty.
Best wishes in rehab,
Erin

5 comments:

Naomi said...

If this were a petition, I would sign it! Can she make herself look any more disgusting? (and taint her reputation any further?)
My favorite rumor as to why she shaved her head is that they have a new method of testing for drugs through your hair now, and they were coming after her. Poor Brittany does not realize they do have OTHER ways of testing for drugs as well...

kristi noser said...

Follow me around day and night with cameras flashing in my face, don't allow me any privacy at all--ever, offer me every drug under the sun--for free mind you, and wonder why I crash and burn.

Anonymous said...

And to think, this is what the world holds up as the standard for young women.

What's worse, this is what young women strive to achieve.

I grieve.

kristi noser said...

Cara, you cold fish.

Carla said...

Pray for Britney. Well, pray for Hollyweird.