I think I will change my husband's nickname from ScarHead to The Urinator. (Obviously, ScarHead is his villain comic book name, and I think The Urinator sounds more like a superhero. Thoughts?)
My husband is obsessed with urine. I often find him nose-down in the carpet investigating what he calls "a pile of piss."
Try as I might, I cannot reason with him that things in liquid form do not usually "pile," alas, he will not be won.
He has the nose of a bloodhound and is convinced that the dog leaves a trail everywhere he goes. This may very well be true, but I, friends and brethren, cannot smell anything. This has led to several disagreements over the two years we've had Pedro, and I've finally given up. Rich is convinced that the house smells like dog pee. (If it does, please don't tell me. I don't think I could take it.)
I just try to keep the cupboard stocked with carpet cleaner, and everyone seems pretty happy. I also bought an air purifier for the living room, which The Urinator thinks is the stinkiest room of them all. What can I say, I try to keep my man happy.
Well.
Richard took me to see Harry Potter last night (finally!) and as we walked in to the theater, I picked a row, and Rich said, "I want to sit on the end."
No problemo.
I moved in one seat and plopped down, as did The Urinator.
Ten seconds later* (in the middle of a preview), he jumped up, "This seat is soaked!"
Sure enough, his bottom was covered in what he declared was urine. I insisted that it was Sprite but he would not agree.
I offered to take him home to change (we could have easily made it back for the 8:00 show), but he was a trooper and sat through the movie with a wet bottom.
After we got home and he showered, he came into the bedroom and said, "This is totally blogworthy. Your husband, The Urinator, plops down in a pile of piss at Harry Potter. Ha. Ha."
It's been a while since I wrote haiku--this series is called "The Urinator."
The Urinator
Richard hates urine,
I think it might be just a
little in his head.
We try to keep a
clean house where everyone goes
potty in "their" place.
Thank you, Lord, for my
hubby who cares so much for
the state of our home.
*What makes me especially sad is that it took 10 full seconds for him to realize it, which means, he was really soaked. Poor Urinator. : (
7 comments:
Your house never, ever smells like urine since we discovered and removed kitty's hiding-spot-surprise. I never smell anything.
How was Harry Potter?! I heard it was good, but not as good as previous movies, because it was really serious.
OMG. I almost died laughing.... so much, in fact, that my officemates looked at me. Not cool, when they are doing imortant things like reading MRI's, and here is me, laughing at a blog about "piles of piss!"
Wow...what a Monday.
~CARA
ERIN, I have tears running down my face as I write this. U2 are so funny. I hate to tell you Rich gets that hound nose from me! Yes I also sometimes feel like my house smells the same. However, Rich should know that Piss does not make piles....he once had a sand box himself. MOM2
When you want to hide the evidence of a crime, sometimes it's wise to point out an obvious crime that someone else committed; I think when Rich is down sniffing the carpet, he's covertly using the opportunity to mark his own territory either with the scent glands under his chin, or with a little of his own 'water'...
See what he does if you shame him next time you catch him at it; "Bad Rich!" "No!" Maybe rub his nose in it, swat him and throw him outside... just a thought.
Swampy's dogs.
I can't believe that Harry Potter is so frightening that it scared the pee out of someone. Sorry Rich.
Hi!
Linked to you via "Second Half of Life" and wanted to let you kow that you're funny! LOL about your husband. Poor guy. Some people just have veeeeery sensitive noses.
alright erin,
so i don't want to creep the pants off of you, but this is angie scholl from e.c. ... remember me? first off, your blog ROCKS. for real. i've read a bit, and i can't help but laugh pretty much the entire time. secondly, i found your blog becuase i've been trying to find YOU! i work for a publisher in bloomington, and i don't know, but i think about you/ your writing a lot and, well, i think we should talk. :) if you're up for it, please email me!! you can send it to angela.scholl@metmediagroup.com. i really hope to talk to you soon. :) and sorry for being a creep-o.
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