Blue Cavalier

Dear Miss Blue Cavalier;
Good morning! Thank you for the wake up honk! I wasn't quite awake yet until you alerted me to your presence in my rear view mirror.
I feel, as a regular traveler on 694, that it is my right--nay--my duty to talk to you about some things.
First of all, if you are riding so close to my rear bumper that I can't see your headlights, you are too close. If I can see that you could stand to put on a few pounds, you are too close. If you are riding so close to me that I can see your roots, I'm going to mess with you.
Please be assured, no amount of swerving, light flashing, gesturing, hand-waving or shouting into my rear-view mirror (I can't hear you, you see), will convince me to let you out of the trap the school bus and I have created. Mr. School Bus and I will ride side by side at 59 miles an hour until you can calm down. I'm not kidding around here.
I'm not going to ask for an apology personally, but I really think you owe it to Mr. School Bus and Mrs. Sable to tell them how sorry you are for the commotion you caused this morning. I know for a fact that Mrs. Sable was very offended by some of your gestures and to be honest, they weren't very lady-like.
I think that until you can relax a little and try to remember that we all have places to be, and that we're all running late too, you should stay off the roads and thnk about what you've done. Also, please try to limit yourself to one Mountain Dew before you get in the car.
Very sincerely yours,
Erin
p.s. The rule "Both hands on the wheel," means, "Keep your hands on the steering wheel, stupid--not on your phone." Who could you possibly be texting at 7:15 in the morning anyway? You're sort of an irritating person all around, aren't you? If you were texting me that early I'd be more than a little annoyed. Also, seriously. Platinum worked for Marilyn. That's it. No one else. I'm just saying.