Lists

I wish I could write lists. Alas, it appears that the ancient art of haiku is my forte.
Check this one out from McSweeneys by Mark Tuben.

Things an Overbearing Mother Might Say to a Son Just Waking Froma Coma.
BY MARK TUBEN
- - - -
"You just don't look as rested as I would have expected."
"It's funny how they say that, because, when you think about it, there really is no way to make up for lost time."
"Meanwhile, I haven't even had a chance to sit down."
"Dogs are strange that way. They seem sad, but then you realize it's just the hunger. I don't think he even noticed."
"At least you didn't have any work to miss."
"To be honest, I think she had already made up her mind."
"I preferred your hair the other way."
"You missed the best episode of Wings, and then it was canceled. But that was years ago."