The Untold Story of the Little Red Hen: A Story of Love, Lust and Compromise

The Little Red Hen had big plans for her Sunday. She wanted to dress the children, put up the Christmas tree and bake cookies.

When she rose very early, she said to Richard the Rooster, "Who will dress the children?"

"Will you have sex with me?" said the Rooster.

"Not right now," said the Little Red Hen, "I have too much to do."

"Then, not I," said the Rooster, "I have homework to do."

The Little Red Hen was able to dress two of the children, but the third was forced to spend the day hiding her face in her nakedness.

Later that day, the Little Red Hen said,

"Who will decorate the Christmas tree?"

"Will you have sex with me?" said Richard the Rooster.

"Not now," said the Little Red Hen, "I have too much to do."

"Then, not I," said the Rooster, "I have to play Madden."

So the Little Red Hen decorated the Christmas tree all by herself.

Then it came time to make the cookies.

"Who will make the cookies?" said the Little Red Hen.

"Will you have sex with me?" said the Rooster.

"Not now, I'm almost done with my chores," said the Little Red Hen.

"Then not I," said the Rooster. "I'm tired of asking."

"Fine!" said the Little Red Hen, and spent an hour clucking to herself in the kitchen, only to turn around to discover that someone had eaten a cookie!

The Little Red Hen was beside herself in anger.

"Who ate this cookie?" she screeched.

"Not I," said Pedro."

"Not I," said Lexi.

"Not I," hacked Old Man Bailey.

"Not I," said Richard the rooster, wiping chocolate chips from his mouth.

"It was you!" said the Little Red Hen.

***

Hours later, after a long talk about cookies and sex, it was decided between the Rooster and the Hen that never the tween shall meet.

And the next time the Little Red Hen made cookies, she also made cookies ifyaknowwhatimean.