I couldn't remember which question she asked as soon as I woke up.
Either way, it troubled me.
Oswald Chambers asks, "Has there been a point in your life which you now mark as your last day? Is there a place in your life to which you go back in memory with humility and overwhelming gratitude, so that you can honestly proclaim, 'Yes, it was then, at my 'white funeral,’ that I made an agreement with God.'"
My last day came in 1998. I had given my life to Christ in our basement on Vine Street at the age of five, and I earnestly believe that I was filled with the Holy Spirit at that time. I do not believe that I began the path to sanctification until 1998, one day in my bedroom in Alabama. The details are not important, but it happened. *Upon further thought, that's a silly thing to say. Of course, I was on the path to sanctification. I don't think I understood its importance until that day in Alabama.
Shortly thereafter, God proved his love to me by opening my eyes (literally) to a spiritual realm beyond my comprehension...and protecting me from it.
Chambers goes on to write,
When we talk about the call of God, we often forget the most important thing, namely, the nature of Him who calls [...] The call is the expression of the nature of the One who calls, and we can only recognize the call if that same nature is in us. The call of God is the expression of God’s nature, not ours. God providentially weaves the threads of His call through our lives, and only we can distinguish them. It is the threading of God’s voice directly to us over a certain concern, and it is useless to seek another person’s opinion of it.
[...]
The call of God is not a reflection of my nature; my personal desires and temperament are of no consideration. As long as I dwell on my own qualities and traits and think about what I am suited for, I will never hear the call of God. [...] The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed.
I can see where God has woven the threads of His call through my life from the age of five, to seventeen, to my marriage at 23, and into the growth He has insisted upon in the last eight months as I prepare for my baby.
Over the past year, I've been continually asking..."Who am I in Christ?"
The bottom line? If you ask, God will answer you. It hurts, and it sucks, and it's intensely emotional, but it seems to be satisfying, comforting and RIGHT...I think. I'll let you know.
8 comments:
I haven't read your blog in a few days and look how much I missed. That won't be happening again.
Erin thanks for sharing. I have not read anything by Oswald Chambers, but you are inspiring me to do so. I have intensely enjoyed the wisdom you have been sharing from his books. They have been stretching me, challenging me, and causing me to think deeply about my own life and God's calling upon it. That is something I have not dwelled on in a long while. Thank you.
Naomi, the link on my blog is to a daily devotional site for his most popular book, "My Utmost for His Highest." I highly recommend starting there!
Love you.
Erin, thanks so much for sharing this. I have to admit Oswald Chambers is usually over my head. I'm just not that bright. But what you shared here makes sense to me. I'll be thinking about this for a long time.
He is an amazing adventurer, isn't He? Glad you're enjoying - and sharing about - your journey!
Echo V...enjoying the view of the journey. Keep seeking...it's worth the pain.
Erin, I appreciate hearing your heart and your thoughts.
And Chambers has some good stuff, eh? I've been chewing on the same devotional (My Utmost) on and off since high school, believe it or not.
I enjoy your blog. :)
Yes! Yes! Yes!
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