Happy Halloween from the Sailorman's

Conversations About Breasts.

I got to spend my morning with the unbellievably sweet Felton children.
We had breakfast at McDonald's (because I am very cool), and then headed back to my house to let SJ take her nap.
When we settled down in the living room to watch Return of the Jedi, I needed to nurse Shirley. Though I was modest, the kiddos were ENTHRALLED.
Anna: What is she drinking?
Erin: She's drinking milk.
Timothy: Where does she drink from?
Erin: My breast.
Timothy: I don't get it. [Complete loss of interest to Jabba the Hut--ironic, yes?]
Anna to Timothy: I think that when we are grown-ups and we drink milk, it goes in here [pointing to chest].
Anna to Erin: Right?
Erin: Well, sort of. My body uses the food that I eat to make milk for Shirley Jean.
Anna: Why?
Erin: Because that's how God created us to take care of our babies.
Anna: I used to suck on my mom's breast.
Erin: Yep--we all did.
Anna: Did they have to cut Shirley out of your tummy?
Erin: Anna, can you go into the kitchen and get me my coffee off the counter, then can you go into Shirley's room and get me her pacifier, and then can you put your socks back on?
Anna: Sure!
Erin: [Relieved.]

"You are well."

Get out your tissues. I can't even watch it a second time.

What a testament to Christ's love and the joy of the Holy Spirit that this family can know that their son is well and with the Lord now. Not to mention the way they cherished every day they had with him.
God, give me this kind of joy.

I got this email from my Aunt this afternoon:

Okay, I'm not laughing. Maybe just smiling knowingly. I was sick from Friday night until now, sorry not 24 hours. Jeff is of course MUCH sicker than I am. Miranda is also sick. Great times are being had by all. Was actually happy to have an appointment this afternoon. Got me showered, dressed, and away from the sick people.
Hang in, this too shall pass.
Wait, I didn't mean that.
Kris

I'm pretty sure Aunt Kris' email is the only thing that has made me laugh today.
We's sick.
It's 6:10pm and the only person who got dressed is SJ--but that's only because she pooped all over her pajamas.
The three of us are going to have a family banana tonight before bed. And I might feel up to having my own bowl of rice cereal.

When you wish upon a star...

As you know, Kitty is not allowed to go outside for two weeks.
He has already escaped twice, but we're doing the best we can.
When Pedro is outside, it's almost more than Kitty can bear. He sits by the door and cries and cries. Then he moves to the front door and cries. Then he moves to the window and bats at the window like he might be able to open it.
Just now, he was sitting at the door, staring at it when it burst open from a gust of wind.
I guess if you wish hard enough, dreams really do come true.

Dear Conscience,

I can eat anything I want.
Even the rest of the macaroni and cheese.
At 2am.
I can, too, finish off the pan if I want to.
My bridesmaid's dress will, too, fit in two weeks.
Leave me alone.
Jerk.
Sincerely,
Erin

Wanna see something gross?

Seriously, it's really gross.

Apparently, I was wrong. Kitty didn't declaw himself. He appears to have gotten in a fight with another cat and suffered a bite, causing an infection and then an abcess...which burst...today. At about 4:00pm.

Mandi was here to babysit Shirley Jean because both Richard and I have class on Tuesday nights.

Richard said, "I have to go to class tonight. I can't take him to the vet."

Mandi said, "I can take him. We'll be fine."

I said, "No! You'll have the baby, too!"

Mandi said, "No, it's ok! I can take both." (Isn't she stinking amazing???)

I said, "Maybe I should just stay home tonight and take him to the vet."

At that moment, the front door opened. We had all forgotten that Lauren was coming over!

Lauren stayed with SJ, Mandi took Kitty to the vet, and Rich and I both left for class after praying together that the Kitty would be ok.

I won't lie, I felt a little out of sorts.

SO...the fantabulous Dr. Blair shaved Kitty's paw, cleaned it up, doped him up (he's feeling GOOOOOOOD--I just chased him off of the refridgerator!), and sent Mandi home with antibiotics and strict orders that Kitty is not to go outside for the next two weeks. He also recommended that if he's going to fight perhaps he should become an indoor kitty.

I think he might have a good idea and we'll use the winter to phase him out of his outside habit.

It looks like everything will be ok, but I still have to look at the cat's nasty paw until his fur grows back.

Ish (this is seriously gross--don't look if you're squeamish):

Click on a photo to enlarge.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Last night Rich said to Shirley Jean, "Well, are you going to laugh or cry?"

Sometimes a girl just doesn't know.

I just love Ellen. I can't help myself.

This is a little long, but well worth the three and a half minutes of your time.

War Wound

My cat seems to have de-clawed himself.

I'm not sure what he did last night, but this morning, he came in limping with a very swollen paw. He must have gotten his claw stuck in something and torn it out completely. There is a gaping hole where his middle claw used to be, and it isn't bleeding.

I feel so sorry for him that I can't even make him get off of the baby's snow suit. He's been pathetically limping around all day.

I'm sure he will be just fine, but I have to ask you, readers--why do these things always happen on a Friday?

Has anyone had any experience with something like this? Surely he is not the first cat to ever have done this. Let me know if you know of anything I could do. Kitty was my first baby--an engagement gift from Richard. I love him. (Both hims!)

In the Yearbook of our dear sweet Lord.

I think we would have fallen in love.

PLEASE go yearbookyourself right now.

Oh, I am undone.

What kind of bird is this?




I fear that this TURKEY is the peacock I've been tracking for over two years.
I am SO sad.
Really.

Am I right? Is this indeed a turkey? Maybe it's not! Maybe it's really a peacock?

Down the Tubes

Warning: This post contains poop. A lot of it. It is also rated PG-13 for edited cussing.

I haven't blogged about this yet, because, quite frankly, I didn't find it amusing. At all.
In fact, it's still not all that amusing, but it IS resolved, so now I'll tell you about it. I guess.
On Monday night/Tuesday morning, at 2am, our plumbing STOPPED. Just stopped working. The basement flooded and nothing would drain. There were carrot peels, onion paper and hamburger grease floating in the sink in the basement. Bad, bad, badbadbad, right? So bad, in fact, that for a very tense hour or so, we didn't know if the toilet was draining into the basement sink or out different pipes. Thankfully, we determined that the toilet uses the BLACK pipe, which was not draining into the basement--on Monday, anyway.
On Tuesday during the day, things seemed pretty normal, but slow. The shower drained slowly, as did the kitchen sink and basement basin. I even did a load of laundry and ran the dishwasher.
The plan was that Jared (who was a plumber for a year) would come over and try to help...but then Jared had a baby. Sigh. I mean, not that I hold little Jazlyn responsible or anything...
So...we lived with the slow plumbing until Thursday night. We took four-minute showers, ate out or let the dishes pile up and did not do any laundry.
(Sidebar--any idea how fun it is to get in the shower, turn on the water enough to get wet, turn off the water, soap up, turn the water back on and rinse off? Yeah, not fun at all. AT. ALL.)
On Thursday night at 1am when the toilet overflowed and Rich and I were standing in POOPWATER, I finally said, "We can't live this way anymore! We have to call a plumber, even if we have to put it on the credit card. This is turning into an emergency!" I very seriously considered coming to one of your houses at 1am with my baby and crying myself to sleep on your couch. I tried to figure out whose house I could get into without waking anyone up. Kristi was in the lead, followed closely by my in-laws. But...as we all know, Kristi doesn't lock her doors.
I digress.
So...Friday morning, Rich called Roto-Rooter. They said they'd be out to our house between 12 and 2pm that day to do an estimate. At 11am, Rich and I went downstairs to move stuff around to let the plumber do his job, and discovered another joint in the BLACK pipes that we didn't know existed. Richard said, "Let's see if I can snake it myself before he gets here!"
Less than 15 minutes later, we were once again standing in poopwater. That's TWICE in under twelve hours that I stood in poopwater, for those of you keeping track.
From there, we quickly determined that we couldn't do anything and had to just wait in the poopwatery basement for the plumber. That's when SJ and I left to go to Lakeville (so f***youverymuch, Anonymous for saying I did my part to help ruin America. How much worse could it possibly get when MY OWN BASEMENT is filled with POOPWATER!?!? A word of advice? Never judge a woman before standing in her POOPWATER shoes!).
Here's the thing. Richard and I don't have any money. Any. We were SO worried about this. We didn't know how we would afford to solve a huge plumbing problem, and that's certainly what this looked like it was shaping up to be. We prayed every night that God would either just make the problem go away, or make it affordable for us.
The plumber arrived at about 12:30pm and left at 5pm. He used an electric auger/snake and snaked our main drains all the way to the street (over 100 feet). He worked incredibly hard for over four hours AND CLEANED UP AFTER HIMSELF. Guess how much it cost. Just guess.
$283.
And he sold Richard the parts he needed to repair the pipes out of the back of his truck FOR CASH.
God is SO good. He answered our prayer to the letter. That $283 is an expense for which we didn't plan, but it is SO much more doable than what we were expecting.
And now?
Now I take 20 minute showers and flush the toilet without fear.
Also, my whole house is disinfected because of the poopwater clean-up. I guess there's a silver lining in every poopwater rain cloud.

Wicked Pedro of the West

Guess what we did today...

Senator McCain spoke in Lakeville, Minnesota today, so SJ and I picked Lauren up from work and we headed south! It was fun to go see the people supporting and opposing the Republican ticket. AND we SAW McCain! He waved and smiled at me and SJ (I'm not kidding!) as they drove by in his motorcade! It was VEERRRRRRYYYYYY exciting!

Lakeville South High School, where Senator McCain hosted a town meeting.
Supporters.
Checking out the (very, very nice) protesters.
Baby loves politickin'.
The big Mc was in the third Tahoe back.

I know.

My sophomore year of college, I transfered from the University of Alabama to the University of Wisconsin--Eau Claire. About a quarter of the way into the year, I had plans to meet with a good friend at a study cafe on campus.
I was feeling so sad and out of place. I had just moved out of my parents' house, I was afraid of being on my own, I was separated from my long-time boyfriend by 800 miles, and just...trying to figure out the new "grown up" me.
When I sat down at the table with my friend, I intended to pour out my heart to her and tell her all my woes and thereby feel better.
Instead, I just burst into tears.
Do you know what she said?
She said, "I know."

Sometimes that's all you need to hear.

You won't get any details here!!!

Go here to find out the scoop.

Do it. Do it. Do it. DO. IT.

Click.

Click here.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Why are you still here? Click already.

Pop and Lock

Dear Paul Dopkins,
The guy over at StuffChristiansLike.net wrote this in reference to THAT STUPID SONSEED VIDEO and other ridiculious Christian music videos. I hope this comes true to the very word:
"OK God, you're in control. I don’t get to define what you are pleased with. Maybe that breakdancing was exactly what you wanted and there were people that were deeply moved by that. But between you and me, I hope that when I get to heaven you'll do a little pop and lock, pull me aside and whisper, 'Hey, even I thought that video was funny.' But we'll just have to wait and see."
Speaking of stupid Christian music videos, here is one that I would have thought was VERY cool when I was 16. I guess "cool" and "funny" are in the eyes of the beholder.
I'm just saying.

Sincerely,
Erin
p.s. He taught me how to praise my God and still play rock and roll. [Emphasis mine.]
p.p.s. The idea of God doing pop and lock is quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in weeks, nay, months.

Good to Know

I learned a lot again last night in my ASL class. The most important of which was the difference between "I understand," and "horny."

Gulp!

Self-exterminating candle as art:
What? It can be art if I say it's art.

Once Bitten...

Dear Gertrude's Caretaker,
I wasn't harrassing your stupid dog. I was protecting Gertrude from your stupid dog. Remember Gertrude? Who I was visiting because I care about her and her bruised pelvis? (Where WERE you, by the way?)
I had no choice but to bodily grab the dog off of Gertrude who was crying out in pain. Because of this, she bit me so many times that I am bleeding in four places. Still.
A word of advice: when you come home and I tell you what happened, do not--repeat: DO NOT act as if it is my fault that your stupid DILL PICKLE DOG BIT. ME.
I'm really mad at you.
Sincerely,
Erin

Pre-Children Halloween

We really knew how to party way back in 2005.

Ross Perot

I prefer not to talk politics on the internet, but I just can't let this go by.

A friend told me tonight that Ross Perot is lobbying to be on the presidential ballot as an independent party.
Is this true?
Someone, please educate me.
Who would be his running mate? Ron Paul?
Does this guy have an abyss of money?
Can he bail out our economy?


Upon further thought:
Does he also secretly possess a fountain of youth somewhere in his great big house?

Pot

Is a pot really dirty if all you used it for was to cook pasta?

First Day of School

I started American Sign Language 1 last night at a local community college.

It was fantastic.

FANTASTIC.

My professor is deaf, and didn't speak a word for the first hour and a half of class. Can you imagine! I got a good taste of what total immersion would be like, because by the end of the three hour class period, I was able to communicate basic introductions and family information with my classmates.

The most interesting thing I learned is that ASL is a completely different language. It is not English. I never understood that before. That will be the hardest part about the class for me, because the sentence structures are completely different than anything I'm familiar with.

It was hard to be away from the baby. I've never been away from her that long before, but I think it's good for both of us. I guess. This is something I've always wanted to do since I took a sign language class during summer school at EP Rock. I've been reading books about signing with children, and have been signing with SJ for a couple of months. I think she is starting to recognize the sign for "all done," but is not yet able to put it all together.

I was so wound up when I got home last night that at 1am, Richard put his hand over my mouth.

Point taken.

Home Improvements

I'm just laying here enjoying the view of my new curtains.
I finally put one up in the bathroom, too.

And I put these up in the entryway.

Yay, me!

Sideways Corduroy Pants

"At last, horizontal corduroy pants. Made in San Francisco and only sold online, Cordarounds are the most aerodynamic pants on earth."
Not to mention, no more thigh-rubbing-induced forest fires!

Facebook Brain

Erin is baking cupcakes.
Erin should go to bed.
Erin didn't realize it was 3am.
Erin thinks people who said rice cereal would help SJ sleep through the night are full of crap.
Erin wants new curtains.
Erin wants new carpet.
Erin wants a clean kitchen floor.
Erin wants to throw away her house and get a new one.
Erin thinks she might start improving her current house one flat surface at a time.
Erin could go for a coke.
Erin is laying awake staring at the ceiling, thinking about what Erin is doing right now.
Erin is wondering how much longer this will last.
Erin is tired of being stuck in third person and blames Facebook.
Erin thinks she might have a problem.

A Good Day

So far, today has been a very good day--and it's only half over!

At the Mall of America, the Christian Fiction Writers Association had a book signing. There were 120 Christian Fiction Writers there, among whom was one of my favorite authors, Tosca Lee.

Tosca is a friend of my Aunt Kris, and she and I have exchanged email on several occasions, but I had not yet had the chance to meet her. She wrote a book last year called Demon: a Memoir, that stands alone in the relatively sucky world of Christian Fiction. It was really fun to get to meet her because, like I said, she stands out. If I were to write a book, I would want it to be on the edge and make people think the way Tosca's does. Too many Christian books are sugary sweet and don't deal with real issues and spiritual battle. Tosca is not afraid to go there, which I greatly appreciate.

I have not yet written a review on Demon, but I think I will in the near future. It is up for the AFCW 2008 Book of the Year. Good luck, Tosca!

I also got to meet John B. Olson who was one of the writers for Ben Stein's Expelled that came out earlier this year in theaters. Verrrry cool.

Confession

Today, on the way home from the doctor's office, I pulled up to a stoplight. At the same time, I reached behind me to give Shirley Jean her pacifier. Somehow, in doing so, I LAID on the horn.
Scared myself so bad I peed a little.

Oil Diddy

This made me laugh and cry at the same time.
Source:
TIME Magazine.
Vol. 172, No. 11, 2008, page 16.

My Heroes

Question:

Are men truly unafraid of mice, or do they just pretend for our benefit?

Thank you, Grandpa Bob, Richard and Pedro for rescuing me from my mouse today.

Kitty, you are a worthless beast. In fact, I would be willing to bet good money (that could happily be spent on something else like coffee or a new outfit for the baby) that you probably brought the mouse IN the house.

ZAP!

This is for Brandy.

Where you lead, I will follow...

This morning I said to Richard, "Have you noticed that when the living area is cleaned up, the bedrooms are a mess, and when the bedrooms are cleaned up, the living area is a mess?"
He said, "I think the mess is wherever you are."

Stop me if you've heard this one...

Dear Past Erin,
Bring more than $60 to Aldi's.
Seriously.
Sincerely,
Future Erin

Book Review

Atonement by Ian McEwan
Synopsis: England, summer of 1935. The world is on the verge of its second world war. Thirteen-year-old Briony views, from her bedroom window, a puzzling scene, then is privy to a turn of events, which she very seriously misunderstands. The novel takes us through most of Europe and World War II. I fear I've already said too much.

Readability: Hard to get into at first (in my opinion due mostly in part to the fact that it harkens a little too much to Virginia Woolf [ahem]), but completely captivating, nevertheless. Even when I had trouble getting into it, I still couldn't stop thinking about it.

Predictability: To the bitter, bitter end, I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. Talk about twists and turns!

Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Let me paint a picture for you. It took me a full week to read the first 100 pages. I read the remaining 400 pages in 36 hours. I exaggerate not.

Recommend it?: YESSSSSSSSSSS! Be warned, however, that part of Briony's misunderstanding revolves around a very, VERY bad word. Truly shocking. In fact, I thought, "Why would the author DO that??" And then, as I kept reading (because I couldn't stop), it all became clear. Regardless, I would hate to recommend a book only to offend someone... There is some other colorful language, but less than is in most movies these days.
Overall Rating: Four and a half stars. Minus one half because I just can't bear to give it a perfect five. Yes, I would be that kind of teacher.

The Movie: Love, love, LOVED it! L.O.V.E.D. it. Lovedit. DO read the book first. You'll enjoy the movie either way, but it was so nice to "hear" the actors thoughts, ifyouknowwhatimean.

In Two: My Own Lament

Warning: This post contains the ugly contents of my heart.

An unexpected song that I had never heard brought me to my knees tonight in the car.
I don't know why, but I guess I thought I was the only one who had the power to tear her husband apart with her words.
I know there are exceptions to this rule, but many men are not able to do as much damage as quickly as I can, and with as little effort. Certainly not Richard.
And why don't we talk about it? When was the last time I said to a girlfriend, "I disrespected my husband today and tore him down in a way that only I can."? I so desire to banish this sort of thing from my attitude toward the man I married, but still, I snarl and snap without thinking twice. More often than I care to admit.
And it's just so commonplace to humiliate and belittle. Women do it ALL. THE. TIME. After it happens, I am embarrassed and disgusted, and have to seek forgiveness from my husband, but still, I'll do it again. Why can't I control my tongue? I long to use my words to build him up--not tear him down.

Here's the song that touched me so much tonight. It's something to think about, anyway:

In Two (The Lament), by Jennifer Knapp
Finish up your coffee, love
it's getting cold
let's finish up this fight tonight
before the sun draws nigh and I'm old

Have mercy on me I'm a girl
though I'm cruel and you cry
I won't shiver cause I know how to break a man
I know how to break a man in two

Still you're suffering, my love
o, who's to blame?
you might be tired,
but I'm not through fanning the flame

Have mercy on me I'm a girl
though I'm cruel and you cry
I won't shiver cause I know how to break a man
I know how to break a man in two

o, by the tiding of my tounge
I lie and sing what can't be unsung
my soul torn in two by the things I say to
you by the things that I say

I know how to break us man, in two

Blogtations

Gavin's Baptism

Our nephew, Gavin Jeffrey was baptized on Saturday evening. I was especially touched by the ceremony, because I pray earnestly every day that little Gavin will know Jesus. Here are some photos from the evening.

Grandma-time before the service. Cute, right?

Our first EVER decent family photo!
Sweet Gavin.

His Christening gown is 67 years old. His mother (Stacy) and other relatives were also baptized in it, and each of their names are embroidered along its hem.

Three generations. : ) Here's to many, many more.


"The boys."

Answers

1. False. I love Ellen Degeneres. I think she's REALLY funny.
2. True. I do, frequently, wear my pajamas inside out. Tags and seams bother me. Why be uncomfortable?
3. True. I dislike reading poetry. Save for Jenna's and Shakespeare.
4. True. I do enjoy hip hop. I fear, though, that I'm getting too old for it...
5. False. I hate the stupid drummer boy. I want to vote him off the Christmas island.

I just want to say that my pop quiz ALMOST led to the world's most boring comments ever. Thanks to those of you who tried to jazz things up.

Also, Kelli, please go back and re-read the directions. If you chose to re-do, I am willing to give you 70% credit.

Pop Quiz

In honor of school starting, I've decided to give you all a pop quiz. About me. It's true or false. Books closed.

1. I HATE Ellen Degeneres.

2. I wear my pajamas inside out.

3. I dislike reading poetry.

4. I love hip hop.

5. My favorite Christmas carol is "Little Drummer Boy."

Somebody else give us a pop-quiz.

How about:

Kristi

Cara

Swampy

Dear Chocolate Fudge Brownie,

Why don't you come over here and sit by me.
I love you,
Erin
p.s. Tell Ben & Jerry they can come, too.

Mom's New Toy

I came. I rode. I hated.

Sorry, Mom. I think you are the cutest thing to ever ride a scooter, but I don't think I'll be frequenting ol' Buddy. It's just not meant for me.