Book Reviews

Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult
Readability Factor: Easy and very engaging. Some scenes were hard to stomach as a new mother.
Predictability Factor: Either I'm too smart, or Picoult was too obvious. So well-written, however, that I invested myself in 400 pages hoping that I was wrong about "whodunnit," and the author would surprise me. Alas.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Five stars. (See why the ending was so disappointing?)
Recommend it? Sure. Just know this. Your first guess as to who did it is wrong. Your second guess is right.
Overall Rating: Four stars. Smart, intriguing, suspenseful and rich.


The Nanny Diaries by Emma Mclaughlin and Nicola Kraus
Readability Factor: Easy
Predictability Factor: I suppose it wasn't very predictable because I was so infuriated by the ending. Sososososo freaking mad about the ending. The romance, however, was too easy and predictable. To be honest, I'm not sure what this novel was really about. A nanny? A child? A romance? I'm still not clear.
Couldn't Put it Down Factor: Four stars (out of five).
Recommend it? Nosiree. Don't waste your freaking time. If you want to know how it ends, shoot me an email. My guess is that the movie has a much better ending than the book. How else would they even get the funding to film it? It was really THAT bad. I'm still stinging.
Overall Rating: Two stars. Cleverly-written, but an unprecidented waste of my time as someone getting closer to death every day.

Noble Character

I was trying to look something up on eBible.com when I came across The Wife of Noble Character.

Proverbs 31:15 reads:

"She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls."
This verse has always been a source of spiritual consternation for me. I am not that woman, and it bothers me. Don't get me wrong. I work hard at being a good wife and mother, but I often wonder if I'm working hard enough, if I could be working harder.

I was mentally debating whether to commit this issue to God or not (read: Do I want to work on this or ignore it for as long as I can and only address the issue when it becomes absolutely necessary?) and decided to click on over to my old buddy Mr. Chambers.

The first line of today's devotion reads, "A [Christian] is not to take the initiative toward self-realization, but toward knowing Jesus Christ."

Self-serving? Perhaps. But it was a nice reminder of what my FIRST priority is, and, better yet, how God sees me mired in all my imperfections, through the loving eyes of a father. This is, quite possibly, the closest I have come to understanding who I am in Christ in a very long time.

I actually screamed out in frustration in the kitchen today.

I have had 3 hours of sleep. The baby has had 10. Does that seem fair to you?
Last night, I stayed up late to finish The Nanny Diaries and was so PISSED OFF by the ending that I couldn't sleep. Really. It was that bad. (Incidentally, I'm never reading again. It seems impossible for someone to write a book with a good / original ending, so I quit. I can't bear to invest myself in another book only to be disappointed AGAIN.)
I was still awake (fuming) at 3:30 when it started storming outside and Richard woke up long enough to say, "The cat's outside."
So, feeling like a TERRIBLE mother, I got up to look for him. Finally, I woke Richard up and asked him to help. The storm instantly stopped and the cat came home.
He raced downstairs presumably to eat, which he promptly threw up all over the living room floor. We, of course, had just started to drift off.
We both whisper-swore so as not to wake the baby. Together we cleaned up cat barf at 4:30, and woke the baby up. I put her plug back in her mouth, praying that she would just go back to sleep...which she did.
Yesterday was worse. We spent FOUR HOURS at the mall doing pictures and came home with a baby so tired that she couldn't sleep. The coffee I bought in the morning and worked on all day couldn't have helped either. She finally crashed around 8, but not before she cried for 4 hours straight. One hour of crying for each hour we spent at the mall.
Today, I've been trying to be productive, but I SWEAR if I step in ONE. MORE. CINNAMON. TOAST. CRUNCH. I. AM. GOING. TO. LOSE. MY. FREAKING. MIND.
Where are they coming from? I have swept, vacuumed, sicked Pedro on them.
WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?????

* * *
The baby is finally napping now, and what am I doing? Blogging.
I have to go.
I have to nap on my sheet-less bed. Am I in college again?
Don't tell me how sorry you are. It's ok. Just one of those nights. Who knows...maybe after my nap I'll find it amusing.

He was so ugly, I nearly cried. I nearly cried, y'all. You ever seen a silverfish? I nearly cried.

Mr. Silverfish on my wall,
I don't like you; not at all.
Yes, I'm nearly six feet tall,
but you have more feet than them all.

Just stay where you are, you nasty little creature.
You spawn of satan.
Product of the Fall.
Purposeless filth.
Stay where you are and I won't touch you, and you won't get out of my kleenex and crawl (faster than a Nebraska cockroach) up my arm.
Deal?
In fact, stay where you are until morning so that you can get out of Richard's kleenex and crawl up Richard's arm. I think Richard would handle that a lot better than I would.
Deal?
Mkthanks.

The Animals

Dear Pedro,
Please stop pooping under the clothesline. I mean, I don't want to punch a gift horse in the mouth, but...please.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Kitty,
No more midnight romps for you.
The driveway is a long way away from the house when Mommy is in her nightgown.
If you can't be quiet when you are outside, you won't get to go outside anymore.
Love,
Mommy

Family Ties

BlogFriends, Richard's grandmother is having surgery tomorrow to have her spleen removed. Please, as you think of us, pray for her safety and speedy recovery.

Heavenly Father, I pray that your hand would be on Joyce tomorrow as she heads into surgery. Make your spirit known, Lord, with your peace and grace. I pray that you would allay any fears that Joyce may have and build Dick up in your sovereignty and faithfulness as he cares for his wife. I pray also that you would build up Brenda, Lori and Kevin as they serve their parents in caring for their physical and emotional needs. I pray, too, that Your peace will be palpable to our family.

In Jesus' name, amen.

p.s. THIS IS MY NEPHEW!!! Is he not the most beautiful creature you've ever laid eyes on???

Congratulations, E&V!

You are a beautiful family. God's many blessings on all of you. Little Eva, I pray that you will grow to be a towering woman of God, that you will turn to Him in all things and trust His son as your friend and savior.

Welcome, little girl.

Competition!

Tuesday.
Doorbell rings.
Erin: Hi, Gertrude!*
Gertrude: Does Richard like heavy bread?
E: Sure!
G: We bought this bread and we don't like it, but I thought Richard might like it.
E: Well, thank you, Gertrude!!

Wednesday.
Doorbell rings.
E: Hi, Gertrude!
G: Can you get me Richard?
E: He's not here, he's working.
G: Oh, well, will you see if he can fix my alarm clock? I can't make it work.
E: Here, I can help you.
G: No, give it to Richard.

Thursday.
Doorbell rings.
E: Hi, Gertrude.
G: Can I ask Richard if he likes shrimp?
E: I'm sorry Gert, he's not here, he's working.
G: Well, I got you some frozen shrimp for your holiday weekend.
E: That is so thoughtful of you! Thank you.
G: When will Richard be home?
E: Oh, not for a while now. It's just me and the baby. Do you want to come in?
G: No. Cute kid.

If old Gert was about 50 years younger, I think I would be worried. I'm hoping tomorrow she'll bring some of HER MONEY.

*Names have been changed.

Who says we don't know how to party?

Kitty came in this morning VERY dirty. Who knows what he got in to, but let's just say that he's in the basement now, plotting our deaths.

Dear Richard's Professor,

I hate you.
I don't know what you're looking for.
NO ONE writes memos anymore.
We have email in the real world.
Your grading scale is preposterous.
This class isn't even related to our...uh, Richard's...major!
I'll get you, my pretty.
Very sincerely,
Erin
p.s. Does this memo follow your freaking outline???

Conversations

Richard: You look good today.
Erin [washing dishes]: Mmhm.
R: Your shirt looks good.
E: Mmhm.
R: Your hair looks good.
E: Mmhm.
R: Your armpits stink.
E [checks]: Mmhm.

I am a work in progress.

When God changes you through regeneration, giving you new life
through spiritual rebirth, your life initially has the characteristic of being maimed. There are a hundred and one things that you dare not do— things that would be sin for you, and would be recognized as sin by those who really know you. But the unspiritual people around you will say, "What’s so wrong with doing that? How absurd you are!" There has never yet been a saint who has not lived a maimed life initially. Yet it is better to enter into life maimed but lovely in
God’s sight than to appear lovely to man’s eyes but lame to God’s.

-Oswald Chambers

Dear Husband,

Thank you for taking me shopping tonight and convincing me to buy "cool tones" like blues and greens, by telling me you've never seen me look so good.
You have no idea how good that made me feel.
I will wear sapphire blue forever. : )
I love you so much,
Wife

A couple things.

How does it work that I have run out of soap in EVERY room all at once? Currently on my shopping list: dish soap, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, hand soap refill, Johnson's soap.

Operation Clean Out the Freezer in '08 has begun.
Today for lunch I ate a personal pan pizza from 1999.
OK, not that old, but close.
For dinner we are having stuffed shells that Lauren made when the baby was born.

SJ and I are about to head to WalMart to buy SOAP in many different forms, and some new shorts for Mommy, since I currently own ONE pair that I bought my sophomore year in college.
Exactly.

We have taken to taking morning naps. SJ and I lay down every morning around 11 and sleep until 1. I don't know why I am ashamed of this, but I am. I'm hoping that by admitting it publically, I won't feel bad about it anymore.

What's the deal with baby capri pants? What a joke!

I think that's everything I wanted to say for today.

Oh, how about an haiku for old time's sake?

Staying at home and
caring for my hus and girl;
all my dreams are true.

A Walk to Remember

We just tried to go for a walk, because I suspect that Little Miss is getting a little stir crazy...or maybe it's just me.
I thought she might need a little more action--some fresh air--something new to look at. Alas.
After the sixty minutes it took me to dress myself and the baby, change the baby after the poop-splosion, find the dog's leash, and locate my sunglasses, SOMEBODY screamed all the way down the driveway and halfway up the hill, and then SOMEBODY didn't want to go home already and got out of his collar and tried to make a break for it and all the while SOMEBODY ELSE was sweating profusely and cursing the brilliant idea of going for a walk.
I came inside holding a screaming someone, and told Richard what happened. I said, "We've been gone a half hour and only made it about 100 yards."
Richard said, "Half hour? You've been gone ten minutes."

I may never have to blog again...

As long as Ellen keeps doing stuff like this.

Have you guys seen this yet?

No? Why NOT?!

Baby Gavin

My first-ever nephew, Gavin Jeffrey Desvousges-Nelson was born today to Jeff Desvousges and Stacy Nelson at 12:35pm, weighing 8lbs, 9oz and measures 22 inches long.

Welcome to our family, little boy. You were created in God's image and belong solely to Him. We love you already and can't wait to watch you grow. I pray you will be strong and corageous; gentle in spirit and bold in faith and love.

Blessings on you Gavin Jeffrey.

I love you dearly.

oink

Dear Richard,

When comparing our baby to a hungry piglet, please keep in mind that this hilarious scenario makes me a sow.

I love you forever and always,

Erin

p.s. When we are mere minutes away from meeting your co-workers, please keep your opinions about my "just ok" hair to yourself.

Stir Fry Threat

Tonight Richard made dinner for us.
Nervously, he said, "Do you like it? You can tell me if you don't like it."
I said, "I love it."
He said, "Don't lie to me--I'll make it again."

Emory Estella Tharp

She's here!! She's finally here!

After a tense couple of weeks, Emory Estella was born into our family today at 1:35pm, weighing a surprising (in my opinion) 5lbs 13oz.

Miranda, her proud mama, was hypertensive and on bedrest for a while. Not an easy thing with an almost two-year-old running around! God is so good to give us another healthy and beautiful baby.

Welcome, sweet little girl! God's many abounding blessings on your curly brown little head. I pray that you will be a gracious and kind woman with your mother's gentle spirit. God is doing a good work in you already, baby, as well as in your future husband, for whom I also pray. I look forward to many, many years of telling you not to hit your brother and to chew with your mouth closed.

I love you dearly--you are a miracle baby.

Love,

Cousin Erin

p.s. If you learn to put your head on my shoulder and pat my back like your brother does, I will do ANYTHING for you. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

p.p.s. I can't wait to love you up!

p.p.p.s. I can't believe I missed your arrival by mere days!! It's killing me!

Milwaukee, here we come!!

We took our first family trip this week to the great city of MILWAUKEE. Wahoo.
Richard's company was hosting an employee appreciation event at Miller Park (which cost us nearly $100. "Let us show you we appreciate you...but it'll cost ya!"). Regardless of the cost or nutso co-workers, we had a really great time on our first-ever family getaway.
Warning: MANY photos to follow. : )


New theory: the bodily fluids that show up on a hotel bedspread in a black light MIGHT be spit-up.
















Gracie Jo teaching Shirley Jean to suck her thumb.

















Pondering baseball.
















The belle of the ballgame.
















Daddy-time.














Mommy-time. (Notice the guy in the background.)






My mother is wearing a Brewers hat!!




If Richard looks thrilled to be sitting in a giant baseball glove, it's because he is.
























This is what I saw ALL WEEKEND. It's impossible to get anywhere easily in Milwaukee.
















Telling secrets over Mexican food.


Hands down, the highlight of our weekend was taking the baby swimming for the first time. Check out my baby blog for video!

Fear (and a little Loathing)

It's pretty well known that Satan will attack us where he knows we are weakest, right?
For some reason, my weakenesses are almost always fear-based.
If I get really angry, sad, let myself be overcome with worry, or fall down in general, I can usually trace my failure back to some root fear that I cannot EVER seem to escape.
Well, without going into the gory details, I have been having some very serious issues with emotionally paralyzing fear. You know the kind? The kind that stops you mid-breath and makes you question whether or not you can continue INHALING?
Well, until about an hour ago, Satan had me so confused by fear that once I got over one particular fear (or so I thought), he had another one waiting for me on the other side of the bathroom door. Literally.
I prayed and cried with Richard about it, and then came upstairs to check the blogs and read My Utmost for His Highest.
Once again, Chambers (http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php) proves to be proufound. (Thank you, God for using this man's writing so eloquently in my life.)
Chambers writes,
"I [...] have to build my thinking patiently to bring it into perfect harmony with my Lord. God will not make me think like Jesus— I have to do it myself. I have to bring 'every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ' (2 Corinthians 10:5). 'Abide in Me'— in intellectual matters, in money matters, in every one of the matters that make human life what it is."
Oh, there is so much to talk about here!
The most important part to me, tonight at 1:36am?
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN FEARFUL THOUGHTS!!
I can ask God to help me remove specific images from my mind, but it's MY responsibility, not HIS, to focus on Godly things. This, to me, means that I need to trust God in the areas that I worry about (hel-LO! Aren't fear and WORRY essentially one in the same??)
Is focusing on my fear Godly?
2 Chorinthians 10:5 in its entirety says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (ebible.com)
Now look at the way I've been thinking about it:
"We demolish arguments [posed by Satan against our ultimate goal of glorifying God IN. ALL. THINGS.] and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of [thoughts, focus on] God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ [ERIN!!! GOD DOESN'T WANT YOUR THOUGHTS TO BE TAKEN UP BY FEAR. THAT IS NOT 'OBEDIENT TO CHRIST.']
God is so faithful to us when we cry out to Him.
I just had to share.

I love when Christians have a sense of humor!

Torn

Mom, SJ and I are leaving tomorrow morning after the first feeding (not to be confused with the first light. Although, I suppose from SJ's point of view, one could make the argument...).
In preparation, I borrowed two books on CD from the library, which I am, at this moment, loading on to my iPod.
Is this bad?
I mean, I'm doing it for the convenience of not having to take 18 cd's on the road with us. Not because I want to steal anything.
I just don't know if this is right or wrong.
I'm doing it either way.

Creative Cooking

In the same vein as my friend Kara Jo, I have been trying to be wise with our money and plan our meals ahead of time. (Thankfully, Shirley Jean is easy to please, as you can tell by the photo.) I've been praying that God would help me be creative and thrifty. He has honored my prayer requests...and we've eaten some pretty weird things lately, that all turned out delicious.
Tonight? Grilled chicken breasts and caesar salad along with stale hamburger buns grilled with EVOO and garlic salt. (I know, right?!) Not that weird, I know, but it gets better.
Last week? Homemade hasbrowns: two Russett potatoes, one sweet potato, one parsnip (again, I KNOW!!), grated and fried with sausage and eggs.
The next night? Stromboli made from packaged pizza dough, salami and cheese.
I know none of this proves I'm a genius or even a fantastic cook, but it's a small victory for me as a new SAHM.

Dear Richard,

Let's face it. I have some pretty good ideas.
Before I came along, you didn't even eat sweet 'n' sour sauce on your McNuggets or French Fries.
I still maintain that Nebraska needs a professional football team.
Imagine it!
Nebraska! Home of the Fighting Tornadoes!
The Mighty Corn Rows!
The Rumbling Runzas!
The ROLLING WHEAT FIELDS!
I love you.
Sincerely yours (forever),
Erin

Dr. Phil

Do you think Dr. Phil ever gets sick of dealing with people's ridiculously stupid problems?

I sure hope he makes a lot of money. It would take a lot to deal with these idiots.

I'm just saying.

Why Women Need Catalogs

Dear Swampy,

When can we have another blogger brunch?
Sincerely yours,
Erin

p.s. Please note, I said brunch.

p.p.s. We could even consider a blogger DINNER. Thoughts?

p.p.p.s. When I was looking for this photo of me and Kristi, I found this:

A 'Ton of Fun

During our Tornado / Guitar Hero / Richard and His Co-Workers Hate Their Lives Party tonight, it was decided that we needed to make cream cheese wontons, or 'tons as they shall henceforth be called. (Pronounced "tahn.")
McClain and Mike made up a simple recipe for Crab Rangoon (along with lots of interesting shapes for our 'tons), and from there we went through the cupboards looking for other goodies to put in our 'tons.
Here's what we came up with:
-Brat-ton
-Reeses-ton
-Fudge-ton
-HighLife-ton
-Nutella-ton
-PeanutButter-ton
-Smucker-ton
-Oreo-ton
-DogTreat-ton
-Tea-ton
-S'More-ton
-SweetPotato-ton
-TaterSalad-ton
-Broccoli-ton
-Guac-ton
-Tuna-ton (a group favorite)
-Crouton-ton (my personal favorite)
We fought over the 'tons as the came out of the fryer, and stood outside barefoot on the deck burning the insides of our mouths on our 'tons.
Sadly, we didn't get to actually try any of our new flavors due to the inclement weather. We spent the next hour inside watching the news and arguing about whether or not to move the party to tbe basement. Guitar Hero (upstairs) won out.
I realize this might be the kind of story that is only funny if you were there, but...I don't care. We laughed and laughed.

An Uphill Battle

In Lincoln, my grandma's house is at the bottom of a hill.
Every time I am visiting, I see the same gentleman in a wheelchair working his way to the top of the hill.
Kills me every time.
Oh, the irony.

I Scream

I needed some alone time tonight. Just five minutes. Maybe ten.
I settled the baby in her bouncy seat and stationed her next to her very hard-working daddy, who is working lots of overtime due to the storms last week.
Pedro and I trotted down to the car and headed to Dairy Queen.
I spent a large portion of this evening making up my own new Blizzard flavor. Turtle with brownies. I was so excited!
The girl in the window managed to stop flirting with her co-worker just long enough to ask me if I wanted a lid. (I think it's important to mention that I did NOT lay on the horn to get her attention. Don't get between me and my alone-time-ice-cream, teeny bopper.)
I said no.
(JUST! GIVE! ME! MY! ICE! CREAM!!!!! HURRY! UP! HURRY! UP! HURRYUP!!)
I put the long-awaited-four-and-a-half-dollar Blizzard in the cup holder and put the car in drive. When my right hand was free again, I reached for my treat and got dog-head instead. Pedro liked my made-up flavor, too.
Good thing I ordered a medium.

Half of my Blizzard is splattered on Lexington Avenue, and the canine, the dog, the miserable cur is currently hiding under the bed with a sore bottom and a heavy heart.

Finished!

When my mom found out I was pregnant, she started working on a "Westie Quilt" for my baby.

We finally finished it together this weekend!

Dear Past Erin,

Your friends and family have been extremely understanding and forgiving to you since the baby was born, but if you don't start brushing your teeth soon, none of them are going to talk to you anymore.
A child is no excuse for poor hygiene.
I'm warning you, brush. your. teeth.
Twice a day.
Every day.
Sincerely yours,
Future Erin

Half of my Foot

I broke my phone.
Again.
Twice in two months now, the screen on my cell phone has exploded and I can only see half of the display.
I am a decent enough texter that I can send a text message and basically know what I'm sending, but I had a brief panic attack today when I sent a message to a male friend saying, "I have mad texting skills," because I was worried I might have told him, "I have mad sexing skills." Thankfully, I don't think I did.
So...I will be with half a cell phone until I get home on Tuesday.
I might as well have cut off my foot. Or at least half my foot.

McClain is no Monk

My brother started a blog.

Does life get better?

Single

Mom: Paul says, 'To be single is to be blessed.'
McClain: Paul Myers?
Erin: No, the apostle.
McClain: Oh.

Pimp My Ride

Lauren got a new car last week.

Richard helped her find a good one (because he's a good guy like that), and then did the work on it that needed to make it an even nicer car. He fixed the front bumper and fenders and painted it for her.

Mom and I pimped her ride.

We bought a shoe rack and organizers for the backseat. If you know Lauren at all, you know that this is perfect for her.

Richard did such a great job on the car, but he was very worried that it wouldn't turn out nice enough. It turned out just beautifully (of course). When Lauren came to pick it up, she was thrilled.

Rich sent her on her way and came upstairs. "All she noticed was the shoe rack," he said.

Oh, the differences between boys and girls.

Lost then Found

Then lost again.
Then found.
I lost my curling iron. Gone. Disappeared.
I tore the house apart looking for it. Who loses a curling iron? Honestly. I'm ashamed to admit, friends and brethren, that I took the Lord's name in vain.
Finally, I went out and bought a new one. I was so proud of myself. Only $11 to replace it! I was expecting to spend $20!
I brought it home and used it once before it broke. The buttons popped out. Can you believe that? Just popped right out. I couldn't even turn it off. I had to unplug it!
So, I returned it and bought a much fancier curling iron on sale for 50% off! Only $15! I am an amazing shopper.
Then, true to lost-item-buy-a-new-one-to-replace-it form, I found the old curling iron. I discussed it with Richard and decided to return the $15--slash--$30 curling iron (that I had never used yet at this point) to get my money back.
But then we couldn't find it.
So, I went to use the old one.
Couldn't find it either.
Just when I started to think Richard was playing a cruel joke on me, I found both of them.
I think I'll keep them both, just in case.

* * *

This just in: A fancy curling iron will burn your ear just as fast as an old one.

Parade

Tonight, Rich and I decided to walk the baby and dog to Dairy Queen for a little outing and a treat. We live about one tenth of a mile from Lexington Avenue, which as you probably know, is a very busy street.

The four of us set out toward Lexington (on which lies DQ), and realized that we were not alone. Trotting about ten paces behind us, came Kitty with his collar bell jingling and talking to himself...or us, I'm not sure.

Jingle, mrow, jingle, mrow, jingle, mrow.

We thought for sure that when we reached Lexington, Kitty would turn around and go home. We even crossed the street.

Instead, he sat on the corner, waiting for a pause in traffic.

Richard said, "Let's go home. If he gets hit by a car, you're going to freak out."

"That's true," I said.

So, we paraded back home.

It was a nice walk anyway.

It ain't easy being green.

I invested in one of those reusable grocery bags.

I know.

Honestly, it was for more selfish reasons than green reasons. I'm so tired of plastic bags everywhere. Ev.er.y.where.

I've used it four times now, and I have to say, it's a refreshing change, AND it holds twice as much as a regular plastic bag.

Here's the thing, though: typically at Walmart, I use the "self-check" aisle, which is not green bag friendly. After the fifth item that "skipped bagging," I had to get special approval from the head cashier. By then, I had smashed my bread, the toddler with her mom in line behind us had thrown a frozen pizza into my pile of stuff on the conveyor belt, and my baby had woken up.

As I walked out, I realized I had forgotten the item I went in for.

Sigh.

I didn't go back.

I mean, I can live without maxi pads. Less waste in a landfill, right?

Nothin' Doin'

We are both still in our pajamas.

I'm not doing anything today. We're taking the day off.

Can I take a nap yet?

Rabies?

No thanks, I'm full.

This morning, Pedro was going crazy outside so I went out to see what was causing the problem. I stepped on to the deck in time to see something fall from the top of our oak tree. I walked to the fence to see what it was, only to see the cat at the base of the tree, and watch him hop up over the fence back into the yard.

He trotted toward the door as if he was going to take the BABY SQUIRREL IN HIS MOUTH inside the house.

I don't usually get too upset about this kind of stuff (huge lie), except that the squirrel was STILL. ALIVE. and batting it's arms and legs in a swimming motion, surely as it slowly died in Kitty's mouth.

I yelled at the cat and stomped my feet and watched him run under the deck with his lunch.

I have a bad feeling that there will be a partially digested squirrel baby in the middle of my living room by morning.

Good thing we went to the vet yesterday for that distemper combination.

Gr. oss.

It's a Dog's World

Shirley Girly and I have been going for walks through the neighborhood. We usually go during the work day, so I don't see many of the neighbors, except for the retirees (Paul, Gertrude, Barbara) and the one other SAHM on the street (Kim).

From now on we will be walking during the daytime hours ONLY.

Why?

I was completely humiliated tonight when everyone we passed said, "Hello Erin and Pedro! Who's this new little girl?" And I was only able to respond with things like, "Hi! You're Lulu's mom, right?" Or, "How's Ollie doing?" Or, "Rocky is getting so big!"

It's NOT. COOL. that I only know the names of the neighborhood dogs.

Sister Time

I spent two hours alone with my sister tonight. Among the normal girl stuff we usually talk about, we covered the following:

-The guy who came in to the GAP to try on a bikini.

-The guy who came in to Perkins and asked Lauren if she liked his new breasts.

-The girl at the restaurant last night who tried to lick Lauren. Twice.

-The guy at the golf club who sold his nail salon and gave Lauren ten free nail polish bottles out of the trunk of his car. (This one isn't quite as weird, but when you look at the other things that happens to Lauren, it just sort of fits.)

-Watching a man eat the worm out of the bottom of the bottom of the tequila bottle (OK, mezcal, if we're gonna get technical) and telling Lauren all about the texture--it's more like a grub than a worm, but not as soft as a caterpillar.

And you guys thought my work bathroom stories were crazy.

This girl needs a blog, am I right?

Not again!

Seriously. Someone come do my laundry.